Stand your ground. Your partner is expecting EVERYONE to change for one person. That's unrealistic. Life goes on and your step daughter needs to learn now how she's going to handle this stuff or does she think the world will always change for her alone.

Ridiculous to change the date of vacation because of menstruation. Are you sure there is not something else going on here?

If the beach house has been booked, wasn't there a deposit involved? Some of these things are not refundable and/or must be canceled (with penalty) x amount of time before the booked date.

But here she and you are, still playing the 'are we going or now'. I don't see her giving you half of what she very likely deems 'her money'. Yeah, I know, you pay all the household bills , but that's not something she'll much consider. Being a bill either comes as a piece of paper (she can consider this junk mail as it's not for her nor does she have to pay it) , paid electronically (again, no sweat off her back) or similar...all meaningless to her. The cash in her bank account she'd have to withdraw and hand you? Yeah, total different story.

IMO, your next conversation , when she decides to speak to you again (?), needs to be a fairer division of household finances and leisurely extras.

I'm on the line of thinking that this want of reschedule has nothing to do with cycles, much more to do with who all is going and/or what 'she' has to pay for two or three kids she doesn't care to have the expense of. More left over for her slush fund type thoughts.

Yup fine is not "fine", she is thinking/processing what you said, be ready cause im sure the next time you guys talk she will be READY!

Do not let her drag you off course- write down your main points if you need to.

1. Is this issue big enough to cause changing dates?

2. Why is this a problem now, and not at the time you booked the week?

3. Is her daughter(who is the main reason your talking about this) willing to put in money for the changed dates??

4. If you cant do seperate vacations what is the solution?

Do not exclude your kids, if they do not want to go- that is different and then you would not have an issue- but im assuming your kids would love to go so if your going to switch dates it SHOULD be to include them also.

Ita going to be rough but stay the course!

TBH... it's quite likely that the dates of the "situation" may not be 100% certain. They can.. um fluctuate a bit.

I think the bottom line is you both picked a time to go on vacation.. all arrangements are made. The SD "issue" is not a deal breaker. She can still go.. she can still participate in most every activity. She will have this issue her whole life.. better to start learning while mom can be there to lend some advice.

Gunner. It sounds like your wife withholds 'affection'. when you are having a disagreement. If that is what you meant when you said she would pull the girl parts card. Anyway, the vacation is already booked.

Perhaps soften your approach. Express your sympathy that SD may not be able to enjoy the water sports activities of the vacation. Suggest alternate things that she and her mom can do during the days she is 'incapacitated' . Certainly she can bring a book or magazine and work on her tan on the beach and can still wade in the surf or build sand castles. Heck most kids that age are glued to the electronic devices so what difference does it make to move the vacation date. They can go shopping or to movies or sleep in all day. Whatever. It is a vacation.

So stop living in uncertain limbo about if you are going. Tell wife that you will be going with your children that week. You would love for her to join you with SD and all make the best of it for a family time. (How much time is really spent swimming anyway). Lots of alternative things to do at the seashore. Just listening to the ocean is great. Take time to be silent.

If she chooses not to go or if SD chooses to stay home with her grandparents or bio dad that week then the two of them can go on a mini vacation later on with any left over funds or after more is saved for such an expense.

This is also your vacation time and your kids so do not be held hostage and disappoint them.
Adopt a cheerful attitude and keep calm, carry on with your preparations for the trip. She will get out of her funk and join you or she will keep being miserable. Either way it is only 24 days away.

Good luck. Also don't be too put off by the replies and comments you get here, take what you find helpful, consider those that may expand your perspective and ignore or delete those that are just mean or unrelated. Sometimes comments go off on a wild goose chase before getting back to the point. All in all it may help you in the long run to have an outlet for venting. Ultimately the decision of what you will do in your own situation will come from your heart.

Yes, keep calm. Don't get dragged into a melodrama. Keep making your plans and being loving to your wife and kind to your sd so it's absolutely clear you hope they come with.

It was never reasonable to begin with what your wife wanted but the fact it would have the effect of excluding the other kids makes it outrageous. So don't cave.

You can suggest that if this is going to be a permanent issue now that you will hold back on certain expenses you normally pay (so you don't have to rely on her stepping up to pay a bill) so that you will have enough to cover your own kids vacay next year and beyond so wife can handle sd's vacay however she wants from now on without it affecting your kids. You would prefer to go all together but you understand she is the one to decide what's best for her own dd.

It may very well be that your wife has something else she wants to do in town that week, a party or festival or performance, and she is using sd as her excuse to stay home. Or, she really is trying to exclude one or more of your kids. Or she is just plain nuts about over protecting her kid and not wanting her to grow up.

It's very basic. You go on the trip as planned. Your wife and SD go or don't. It's totally on them.

The thing is you're trying to reason with an illogical person. If it's stupid, don't engage it.

Pack and load the car. She and Miss PMS can go or not. That simple.

Just for clarification, is it your wife who doesn't want to SD going on vacation due to SD being on her period during that time, or is it SD who doesn't want to go? I'm not clear on that.

I agree with others that your wife doesn't want to vacation with your kids.

I'm not going into the details as others have done above (other than to say it's crazy that a vacation would be delayed due to a common, manageable issue).

If my DH wanted to talk about something serious WHILE I was doing dishes...I would have likely had the same answer. NO discussion.

If my DH wants to talk with me about something that will take more than a yes/no answer, then he does so while we are having dinner (w/out kids) or during some alone time when we are both relaxed.

For far too many years I tolerated avoiding vacations with my own family and with friends to accommodate SS's SpermLand visitation schedule. My bride insisted that we not do anything of note while SS was in SpermLand. His visitation schedule was for 7wks per year (5wks summer, 1wk winter, and 1wk spring) so I missed a lot of prime vacationing with my side of the family.

Then I was done with that crap and told my wife that no longer would I deny myself or her to accommodate the SpermLand visitations. If we did something while SS was on visitation and we thought it would be something he would enjoy we could do it again when he was home but never again would I miss time with my family. The first non-Skid vacation with my family was brutal as DW was very mopey and tight jawed that SS was not there but she got over it.

The very positive outcome of that trip was that DW took a firm stance with the SpermClan and started smacking them with the CO if they failed to comply with the 60 day written notice requirement for any visitation they wanted to take. They ended up missing several visitations because they refused to provide us with written notification at least 60 days prior to a CO'd visitation.

Even when they did provide us with written notification in time my DW would inform them when their visitation could start based on any plans we had in place.

The plans of the many should not change to accommodate the few IMHO. Particularly plans that are already set. Your position is entirely logical and reasonable.... you want the previously schedule plans to hold.... your DW's.... not so much. Your DW wants to change the plans of the many for an unrevealed personal reason apparently.

Go on with your vacation plans. your wife's rationale is silly, and--she knows it. Do not accuse her of it, but there may be some other motive' this is no reason to reschedule a vacation.

Stand your ground on this one....fair is fair.

Stick to your guns!! Keep that vacay and take your kids. DW can join the fun..or stay home with pampered princess.