You are here

Tone Up Tuesday

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 1:19pm

I was "seen" this week :O I wish I had an invisibility cloak. Motivation needed!

I don't have any friends here. Kinda crazy as I moved here to be with DH about FIVE years ago, and go to baby groups with DD2 etc. At first I would chat away to all the other moms in the hope that I'd find a friend but after a while of receiving polite replies and nothing more, I kind of gave up. DD and I stick to just talking to eachother at baby groups now.

When I first moved here I had two coworkers I became quite close to, and when I stopped working there we remained friends. But that went horribly wrong about a year ago due to their high school drama bulls**t. I don't like drama. I seperated myself and have only seen them about twice in the last year, of my own choosing.

Anyway that means that there's no chance of being at social events/having photos taken and being tagged in FB. I suppose that's the one blessing of being lonely.

Since I put on all this weight I haven't met up with old friends (who all live in other places btw) or gone to any social events where I may be tagged in FB photos and "seen"

I know, I knowww you've all told me off about that before and told me I was silly! Believe me I know. I just can't being embarresed and wanting to hide myself away.

On the bright side I've recently started allowing DH to take photos of DD2 and I, so we at least have* some* of us together. She can look back on them when she's older. I just won't put em on FB lol

Anyway. Back to being "seen" lol! Me, DH and the kids went to a large family event over the weekend and we ran into an old acquaintance. Not a friend, but someone DH and I are FB friends with, and who knows a heck of a lot of our mutual friends. 

When DH said "Oh look! There's (name of friend)" My heart STOPPED. I immediately adjusted my scarf (the cotton one I always wear to hide my multiple chins, and believe me it was HOT that day) and tried to pull my lightweight sweater a bit looser from my stomach in a pathetic attempt to hide how big I'd gotten, and then I wished for that invisibility cloak.

We obviously went over to say hello to him, his wife and their kid, but I could feel my cheeks flush bright red from embarrassment. I did my best to smile and chat and joke but inside I was mortified at what he might have been thinking of me (I've put on almost 60lbs since I last saw him a few years back). 

As we walked away from our brief few minutes of small talk and politeness, I tried to speak some sense into myself that he won't have cared AT ALL or might not even have noticed my size. 

But when we got home and I asked DH if I could look back at the photos of the day, (as I said I've started allowing DH to take photos of me and DD) my heart sank. No amount of scarves round my neck or loose clothing would hide my size. I looked *quite* large.

I've been feeling a bit down about it since. I just can't help feeling ashamed of myself. But also at the same time, I can't seem to *fully* commit myself to a *strict* diet or exercise regime in order to lose the weight that's causing me such misery and embarrassment. 

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I can't seem to get going and *keep* going with this goal I have to lose weight. I start, do really well for a week or two, then slide right back into bad habits (usually wine). This has been going on for almost 2 years now! Sad

So.. I decided to do some googling to see if I could get some ideas to get motivation up to lose weight. (The last time I did this particular google search was summer 2014 if I remember correctly, so this isn't totally new but it's definately forgotten)

I found several million articles about it but one stuck out that I liked:

The article is written in 3 sections
1) Starting a Motivating Routine (13 Tips in that section)
2) Motivating Your Diet and Workout (8 Tips in that section)
3) Making Your Routine Stick (8 Tips in that section)

http://m.wikihow.com/Get-Motivated-to-Lose-Weight

I'm not sure I agree with all of the tips. But I chose a few tips that I *did* agree with and will try and put them into action this week.

I hope everyone else is doing good, I can't believe how well some of you are doing! So many pounds down and confidence rising, I hope I can join you there soon.

So cmon guys, tell me how you're doing x 

And if anyone knows of a good website, weightloss app? or any motivational secrets, it would be great if you could share!

Comments

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 1:24pm

"I can't seem to *fully* commit myself to a *strict* diet or exercise regime in order to lose the weight that's causing me such misery and embarrassment. "

That's me in a nut shell too. I want to low carb it. I try every day. Then I cheat. I'm on day two. AGAIN.

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 5:16pm

NoWire, I went to the store today and got all healthy snacks. Tomorrow will be my day one. Again. I don't know how many day ones I've had but it's a lot. At least I'm not on my own with this! :/

Jasper, I believe in burgers, fries and pizza. I'm sure I'd be able to get them to stay on a skewer ;P Seriously though, I think you are right with the strict seriousness of a diet not lasting for long/failing/not being a permanent lifestyle change.

The healthy snacks I got today were things like carrot sticks. I friggin hate carrot sticks. I spent money on food I dislike because I was thinking "Ok, day one (again) tomorrow. This time I'll make it" Does this cloud my judgement somehow?! Why the F did I buy carrot sticks. Ugh.

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 5:36pm

I do believe I deserve it. I deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin and right now it feels so tight and stretched I feel like a balloon Sad I deserve to be happy about the way I look. I deserve to feel confident and proud stepping outside with my handsome husband instead of hoping no one will see me. I deserve to fit into all my beautiful clothes again. I deserve it. Now what! LOL! Ok burn muscle. I think I just need to up the walking with DD2 in her stroller, as she simply refuses to allow me to do a workout video. Sigh.

The cleanse sounds awesome, and gluten free too, plus all the exciting outings on your epic new bike! You are doing so good! *waves pompoms for a healthy happy Jasper* x

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 3:39pm

I'm having a decent week despite the snow.

End of February, I took my measurements: upper arm, chest, waist, hipbone (apple-belly), hip, and upper thigh. I burst into tears. Today, I remeasured myself and I lost a total of 13 inches combined.

I'm figuring out that I lack internal motivation so this gym has been good for me.

Still haven't made substantial change in my diet, but I'm meeting with a Kaiser nutritionist next week. I don't expect much, but at least I'm going. One of my doctor's suggested I go Paleo, but then I read up on it and decided I could not do that. Perhaps I may borrow some ideas, though.

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 6:03pm

Indigo!!! 13 inches?!!! That's incredible! And in such a short time period too! Omigosh you must be so proud Biggrin

It's so wonderful that you pushed yourself to keep going even though it wasn't in your comfort zone. You are awesome *high five*

I hope you get some good ideas from the nutritionist meeting next week, let us know how it goes x

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 3:42pm

I was at that point for quite awhile before I finally buckled down at the beginning of the year. I had gained some weight over the last few years and was very unhappy about it but just COULD NOT get my act together. So, I went back to what worked before.

Yes, it's tedious, time consuming, and some days it downright sucks but weighing and logging my food works for me. And actually, as tedious as it is, I do enjoy seeing my calorie and nutrition stats (and sometimes it's like a game to me). Even if I don't do so well one day, too much wine or whatever (yes, I weigh my wine), if I see that I am balancing that out for the week, I know I'm good. I REALLY like seeing my calorie graph when I'm doing well! It is very motivating.

Even without weighing myself, I can see that I'm on track. It makes me really think about what and how much I'm eating and it reiterates what REAL portion sizes are. And I WEIGH everything because sometimes you would be surprised how much of something you can stuff into a cup!

Different things work for different people, you have to find something that works for you and something that you will actually do long term.

You can do this, Sunny. And trust me, do it while you are young!

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 6:21pm

So this is MyFitnessPal right? I think that's what Gimlet said, I personally found it too tedious typing everything out that I ate. I was spending half my life typing lol! I don't know :/ I really need to find something that works for me personally soon though, it's getting a bit silly now :/

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 7:24pm

I use Fitday for logging my food, I find it user friendly and it has more options for food portions/weights.
It goes a lot fast after you've used it for a bit, you can just check foods you've eaten before or that you've put in you custom food list. It takes me maybe 5 or 10 minutes to log my meals.

Overall, it is tedious but it does work, at least for me. It has done away with mindless snacking because I think, "Do I really want to weigh and log this?" We think a little of this here and there doesn't add up to much, but it does. I do better with no snacking in between meals, anyway.

I do allow myself to have something good (like ice cream) a couple of times a week but I keep it within reason. It helps keep me on track the rest of the time because I have something to look forward to.

Some people just do it for a couple of weeks or a month to see what their food intake really looks like (or should look like). It has really helped me see how calories add up and what is a normal amount of food so that when I don't weigh everything, I still have an idea of what I should be eating and how much.

If it's not for you, you just have to find something that is. But sometimes, we just have to do something we don't want to do. I don't always want to weigh my damn food! Sometimes, I just want to throw it in a dish and be done with it but doing whatever I wanted is what got me fat.

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 7:29pm

I really admire your commitment to it Hereiam. I think it might be time for me to do some more in depth research online to find something that'll suit me.

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Tue, 04/19/2016 - 7:34pm

All of the suggestions and ideas each week are great! Smile Trying to find a weight loss diet AND a long term plan to maintain the goal weight is HARD. I guess just suggestions are all I can ask for! Thanks Indigo x

Monchichi's picture

Submitted by Monchichi on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 1:30am

sunny sweetie, I see you follow a similar cycle to myself. The more down I am about my weight, the harder I find it to restrict my diet and keep motivated.

The more I need to think about what I am putting in my body and or doing to/ with my body, the harder I find keeping on track.

If I am upbeat and have lost a kg or two, the more motivated I am to get with the program. The slightest slip and I am demotivated.

May I ask how much of your head space is being taken up with your looks, weight and concern about how you are seen?

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 9:15am

Sunny, I want to reach through this phone screen and give you a hug.

How are you doing with exercise? Have you found something that you enjoy?

Don't get angry at this suggestion: you need to take care of my friend Sunny. I encourage you to look at mother's morning out programs and give it a try for a few weeks. Having some alone time to nurture yourself doesn't mean you love DD any less. Those programs are usually 4 hours 2 or 3 times a week. And it's good social interaction for DD.

I have been walking, walking and walking. Trying to do my barre videos a few times a week. I have started to feel more energy now that the thyroid medication has been tweaked. I have been trying to do all vegetarian with reducing my dairy intake. I am about to call a truce with myself and accept that dairy is here to stay.

sunny_skies's picture

Submitted by sunny_skies on Wed, 04/20/2016 - 2:11pm

Thankyou so much for all your support and suggestions x Like a few of you said, I need to figure out what works for me, what excites me, what makes me happy, and it has to be something I can maintain for the long run, not just a short term fix.

I think this is the exact problem that I'm having. That's just it. 

I know how to lose weight. But I have never in my life figured out how to *maintain* my weight. 

I have been up and down like a yoyo since I was 15/16 years old. I'm now in my mid 30's and I have never been one size for long. I've either been fat or skinny or somewhere inbetween on my way to one of the first two options. (This is the biggest I've ever been though)

I know what works for me to lose weight, I just feel like I don't want to actually implement it, as the way I go about it is not something I enjoy. I hate dieting. I feel like a lazy child who wants something special but doesn't want to put the effort into get it.

Ok just me typing out "I hate dieting" proves that what I'm trying to do to lose weight is just not working for me. I'm not enjoying it and that's why I keep failing. 

Being back at day one of my millionth attempt to start my diet is proof of that. I'm hating every second of even *thinking* about it. Like I said to Jasper, why the F did I buy carrots to snack on? I friggin hate raw carrots. It's just that when I think "diet" I think "must have healthy snacks like carrot sticks"

I deserve to be a weight I'm happy with, but I also deserve to be happy on the journey getting there.

I need to find something that will work for me but I don't know how. I briefly looked at Evil3's suggestion of "French Women Don't Get Fat" but haven't had the time yet to fully research it yet. The 50 percent solution sounds interesting, (may not be that difficult to do, with my stupid tiny stomach lol) but I do wonder if I'd find it too frustratingly restrictive.

http://frenchwomendontgetfat.com/content/portions-50-percent-solution

Anyway, just in case anyone has any other ideas of new diets to suggest or whatever, this is basically Sunny's day:

Side note: DH and I never eat take out or junk food. Yep, really. Everything is homemade and everything we make is quite low fat as that's just the way we like it. My one downfall is wine.

I tend to have to force myself to have breakfast as I'm hardly ever hungry in the morning. I'll admit to hardly ever forcing myself to do so. Why would I eat if I'm not hungry?! But when I *do* have it, I have eggs (cooked in all different ways for variation) or toast. The toast thing hardly ever happens, I can't actually remember the last time I had bread.

I get uncomfortably full after a large meal, quite a few people throughout my life have said I have the tiniest stomach they've ever known lol

Sometimes I eat little and often, other times I just ignore my stomach saying "argh too much!" And eat a whole meal if it's really good, lol! The one thing I really *can* have slightly larger portions of, is pasta. Omigosh I love it! But then I feel really bad the rest of the day as I'm uncomfortably full Sad

Anyway, so I do tend to have small portions anyway, just for comfort levels for my stomach.

I don't really eat that much bread (can't remember last time I had it actually). But I love pasta, rice, chicken, fish, eggs, and almost all vegetables. They're the things I eat most.

Exercise? I hate it. I walk every where but apart from that, nope. I spent a while online recently trying to find some fun exercise videos that DD might be able to join in on, with dancing. I tried belly dancing a few years back and love it Smile I still have to try it and see if DD will just start shouting at me to stop lol!

So.. Any diets you think I might suit? Or any exercise ideas too? Or any ideas in general? I think I'm at the point right now I need to be hypnotised to "love" diet and exercise. Sigh.

Anyway guys I'm posting and running and will have to check in with you much later, I love you all lots and lots!!! Xxx