Outwardly, my relationship with SS and SD is really good. I'm sure in my DH's mind, he couldn't have picked a better stepmother/mother for his kids. I'm sure I play the part well outwardly, but usually I am angry or upset on the inside. I feel a lot of resentment towards my DH and his ex for decisions that they have made which have negatively affected me and because all of their interactions and decisions are because of the kids, I resent the kids. So, outwardly, I may be nice to everyone, but I am often seething within.

I'm resentful about where we live. I use to own a house really close to my job and close to the city. After I met DH, I moved in with him and his kids in an outer suburb of the city. My commute was terrible and I wanted to move back closer to the city, but DH kept telling me that we had to stay in the area that he lived because (1) a house that could accommodate all of us close to the city would be too expensive (2) the kids had to live in the same county that their mother lived - even though she barely saw them and (3) DH just didn't want them in a different school district. He didn't want the kids sharing a room, which they could've done at my house. He basically just wore me down and even though I knew that a permanent move would be a bad choice for me, I did it anyway. Additionally, I paid for the house that we currently live in, so I feel like I bought this house for him and the kids, because I would have never bought a house way out in the suburbs on my own. But really, I had too, if I was going to continue living with them. DH was renting a house with one bathroom - it was absolutely disgusting sharing a bathroom with the kids.

Living away from the city has changed my activities. I make a decent living and I used to love going out and trying new restaurants in the city, but now we live so far away that I never go into the city anymore for fun, only for work. There are few quality or ethnic restaurants in the area we currently live, so I feel very deprived. I love food, so this has been a big loss for me.

On a similar note, I love cooking, but DH doesn't think much about food. If there was a pill that he could take and not have to eat food, I think he'd be happy doing that everyday. The kids have grown up eating a crap load of fast food. They are super picky and defiant. I tried cooking for everyone early in the relationship, but it was a fail. Now, I only cook for DH, but I don't cook like I used to. I used to enjoy making elaborate meals, but now it's just cooking so that we have something to eat for the night or the week. He doesn't get excited about what I make, so it makes me not want to put in the effort. The kids rarely ever eat what I cook, which I've gotten use to and is fine for the most part. It really sucks when, for some reason, they actually want to eat what I've made and I haven't made enough because I wasn't expecting them to eat it - their manners aren't great, so they'll try to eat everything instead of share. My feelings are that they should not be allowed to eat what I cook if they get to pick and choose what they eat. So, I get really resentful when they actually want to eat what I've made.

I'm resentful about my commute. I travel between 2 and 2.5 hours a day for work. I never imagined that I'd ever live so far from work. I've always made it a point, when I was single, to live no more than 3 miles from my job, so this goes against a lot of my own beliefs. When I come home depressed after being on the road for an hour and a half, the kids feel sympathetic, which only makes me more angry because they are the reasons that I have this sucky commute - they've been home from school for the past 3 to 4 hours and I'm expected to entertain and feed everyone (the feeding is no longer the case though).

I'm resentful about how much stress this relationship has caused me. It's true that I'm getting older and I might have started to go gray on my own, but now I have so much gray hair and I attribute it to dealing with DH, his ex, and the kids for the past three years. There was so much dysfunction going on back then and I chose to try and "fix" the situation. The situation is much better now. The kids are in a better and stable environment. DH is really happy and knows that a lot of it is due to me, but it took a great toll on me.

I'm resentful about how much we spend on the kids and it is in complete opposition to my frugalness. In order to compensate, I have given up doing things that I love or I deprive myself of things to save money, because now I need to save more since I'm going to retire with DH and he doesn't have much savings. This has been the biggest on-going issue that continues to cause me to be resentful towards the kids. I lot of it comes down to how much we spend on the kids and how it affects my finances. If DH was wealthy and had saved for retirement, I might feel better about it, but I might not because it goes against my frugal nature.

One of the things that we spend on is medical care for the kids, which I'm all for medical care when it's needed, but these kids have so many different doctors and are on so many medication and DH spends so much time on a weekly basis taking them to all of their doctor's appointments. I also used to see a therapist once a month (started after I started dealing with DH and the kids), but that has gone to the wayside because I don't think the over $100 per session is worth it. I wish that DH would look at the pros and cons too, instead of just mindlessly sending his kids to all these different doctors and paying for it.

I'm resentful of the kids' activities. DH thinks that sports are great and I'm in agreement, but I think DH goes overboard. Personally, I think that one of the reasons that DH and his ex had issues was because they had SD on some insane schedule for gymnastics, and they would drive her nearly everyday to a gym that was 2 hours away, each way! She had quit gymnastics before DH and I got together, but if SD ever goes back to that sport, I will leave DH immediately! DH and I have had arguments because he overschedules the children and so he's not there when I need him to do things. It happened when we first bought the house and I know it will happen when we have a newborn.

I'm resentful because the kids don't think about the money that we are spending on them. They seem to want to spend as much of DH's and anyone else's money as they possibly can. They try and order the most expensive item on the menu when we go out. They pick expensive restaurants to go out to and then barely eat their meal. They ask for things constantly and them throw them away because they are bored of their toys. They constantly talk about having four Christmases per year where they get gifts - if they were smarter, they'd ask for money to save for a car, car insurance, or college, but they assume that we are covering those things. They are not grateful of gifts that they do receive. They expect DH to be their chaffeur. When, I'm being nice and get a special treat at the grocery store for them, they write it down on the list for the next week, like it's now an expectation to get every week.

They are wasteful and can't control their consumption. When I was single, I would try and do things that were better for the environment. I would try and create less trash, etc. But, the amount of trash that leaves our house on a daily basis makes me sad. I've tried to get DH and the kids to waste less by doing things like buying in bulk and separating out chips, instead of buying single size chips. But, all of the efforts failed. Now, I just look at a trash can full of wrappers and uneaten portions from individual serving sizes of pop tarts, chips, and candy, other uneaten leftovers, and lots of unwanted paper that have barely been written on.

So, yeah, I know it sounds terrible, selfish, and that I shouldn't be in this relationship if I feel this way. But, I really wish the kids didn't exist; it would've made my life with DH a lot easier. I'd never say that to DH. And, I'll still listen to the kids, do things for them, and act stepmotherlyish. But, that's totally how I feel right now and I can't see my feelings changing soon.