I think DH needs to get over the "bad feelings" and step up to the plate while taking his kids with him. It's not fair for one person to have to do everything in a household of five. I have often thought about not doing anything for one week and let them see for themselves what kind of shape the house is in just so they see that this house would collapse without me. Unfortunately my OCD won't allow that. Have you tried sitting down with DH and explaining to him that you work all day, commute for 3 hours then have to come home to your second job? If everyone took one job per day, things could run pretty smoothly. If not, I would suggest that you disengage from household activities and eat dinner on your way home. But, I'm spiteful }:)
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

You know what else causes "bad feelings" in a house? Roaches.

Is your DH for real? I guess my suggestion would be tell them to pick up after themselves. When they don't, take whatever they have left out and put it in their room. That includes garbage and food.

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

i agree dh needs to get over the chart thing...if its the chart he doesnt like..make a picture diagram, a list, etc...lol

maybe just tell each kid what they are responsible for..maybe even write it down for them...either they do it or they get nothing...tv, rides places, etc

OK. Skip the chore charts then and tell your DH that he is responsible for cleaning up after his kids and cooking for them if he doesn't want to assign them chores. Then mean it, be willing to live with the mess long enough to drive your DH crazy. Do not do anyone's laundry (including DH) do not cook, clean or buy groceries for anyone else. Don't walk into the bathroom they share because it will be horrendous. Your DH will cry uncle and make them step up to the plate.

When my house gets trashed with all the kids here I usually go on a rampage and everything I pick up, whoever it belongs to better watch out! I've been known to throw clothes and coats and shoes at kids and tell them to get in their rooms and get it cleaned up NOW.

I'm very lucky though... SD11 LOVES to clean house for me because I pay her. She's cheaper than the cleaning ladies that come once a month and she does a fairly decent job keeping the dishes and house picked up. So I'm really dreading her hitting the lazy teen years... SD 14.5 is right in the middle of the laziest of lazy right now!

When I get home from work, everything left in a "common area" gets thrown away (unless they are actively using it, of course). Dishes aren't in the dishwasher? Then DH can do it (or see that it gets done) or he can fend for himself for dinner. This seriously took less than two weeks before everyone got their act together. Of course, that's when I threw away the PS2 (well, I threw it away, then dug it back out and gave it to my brother). But I've been known to be a bitch, so take my advice with trepidation.

When I was growing up chores was part of a family responsibility. You were part of a family, you helped out and chipped in. I don't see how that brings bad feelings, seems like it brings teamwork and togetherness.

I agree with some of the others. I warn everyone, if it is not picked up in an hour, everything I see gets cleaned up by me, and I clean up by filling up the trash bin. It only took once of losing things to the trash for them to realize I mean it.

Another thing that causes bad feelings; no sex b/c wifey is too tired from cleaning up after the little piggies!

DH needs to take his head out of his A$$ and realize that chores are an important part of teaching kids responsibility, respect, and consequences. Everyone in the house should have a hand in keeping the house clean and tidy because they all have a hand in creating the mess. I agree with one of the earlier posts; have a family meeting and lay down the law, you are not a maid and will not be treated as such. If you have to pick up anything that isn't yours, it can go into the 'Earn Back Box' where the kids will have to do extra chores to earn the item back, and if it isn't earned back in a week, it goes to charity!

Rules create order and expectations; lack of rules creates chaos and contention. Hopefully you can convey this to DH before the house is condemned.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

We sometimes need the help of others to clean and finish the chores at home. And I highly recommend you to contact phoenix carpet cleaning who works wonders when it comes to cleaning ones home.