Tired, emotional, worn down and worried... very long
About a year ago my SD (17) and SS (13) came to live with us finally. I have 2 kids of my own ages 13 and 16. Things were going great until January when the BM discovered that SS was sexting and doing inappropriate things on Skype with a girl from the states (we are from Canada). BM got the police, Internet Child exploitation, and the courts involved. She claimed that he was doing this with a pedo and that she felt that the kids were unsafe in our care. Child protection came and investigated with the police and it was discovered that it was indeed another child that he was doing this with! Child protection proved that our house was indeed safe and the courts gave us full custody with the terms of limiting SS's internet usage and to strictly monitor his cell phone! He was also set up for counselling for internet addiction which I agree with the counselling but for more then internet addiction!!!!
SS would get the usage of the devices in the main room of the house with us supervising, and after a short time it was discovered that he would wait until we went to bed he was sneaking back on the ipad to chat on messenger! We would take it away and other devices, then he would get it back only to have it taken away after a short time! This has gone on all summer. I discovered a couple of weeks ago that he was texting his friend regarding sexual stuff and took his phone away again! Last Wednesday I discovered nude pictures on his Ipad again (not of himself) and his dad and I took everything away and was making him write letters of apology to us, his BM and his GF. He went to bed and we went shortly after. DH went downstairs to get a tylenal because he had a headache and couldn't find the bottle of the ones we usually took but our "extra supply" We thought it was just shoved in the back of the shelf. Next morning I went to wake up SS and he got up, went to the bathroom and went to bed. When I went up again I discovered the empty bottle in his hands with a note! I knew that there were only a dozen tablets left and took the bottle and called his dad! He told me to keep him from school and to keep an eye on him... when I asked if I should take him to the doc or hospital I was told that it probably wasn't enough to do anything and to just keep an eye on him. SS was sick to his stomach an hour later and I saw most of the tylenol in the toilet. I don't believe this was a serious attempt because of him waiting till 730am to take the pills instead of the night before. DH contacted BM about this and asked if she could come over to talk with him as a family unit. She told him she couldn't because she had Darts that night. At 11pm she demanded that DH take SS to the hospital. I told him he should because of her history of getting the courts involved even though it had been a full day and SS was fine! At the hospital they ran a bunch of tests and said medically he was fine but that they were getting a psych eval done. They were at the hospital until 430am. They set up further counselling and believe he has ADHD and that is why he did this. (I have been saying for 8 years that I thought he had ADHD). SS went to his mom's for the weekend and went to the doc's today. Then after his doc appointment they called DH and told him SS doesn't want to live with us anymore. He has a history of playing both sides all the time and don't think he will last at his mom's either for long. I am tired... I am emotional... and I am worried!!!! Anyone else have to go through anything even close to similar?
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Thank you for the support!
Thank you for the support! We had him in counselling back in Jan and Feb. She kept cancelling on him over and over again and so it was put on hold for a while. Not an excuse but it is what happened! I had been talking with the DH about putting him back in it (I was having a hard time getting him in as I am the SM and not on the file for legal guardian) Turns out the counsellor told BM yesterday that she agrees with the psych assessment the hospital made and that she felt back in Jan when she was treating him that he did have ADHD and possibly ODD. That being said, she never told any of the parents that she thought this and never helped get him further assessed! I have tried to get him help. I have tried to keep him busy doing positive things such as soccer and Air Cadets! But being the "evil" step mom I could only do so much! On top of it all, I have 3 other teenagers in the house that I have to look after!
I don't think that would work
I don't think that would work either! I could never make my kids think that they weren't welcome in our home... the rule is as long as they are in school they have a place with us! That being said, if they were to cause harm to one of the other kids here then that would of course not be happening! But I don't think that would happen! I am wondering if more co-parenting is the better result! Maybe even shared custody where he is here a week on and a week at his moms... I don't know... all I do know is that I love this kid very much and I am glad that we are on the right track now to getting him the help that he needs!!!
Let him go live with bm.
Let him go live with bm. Sometimes sending a kid away is for the good of the entire home.
Truthfully, it will be hard for her to keep an eye on him as she seems more worried about playing darts. It also sounds like Ss would be a good candidate for drug addiction.
Sorry for your stress this sounds like a nightmare.
Troubled kids will often "up
Troubled kids will often "up the ante" until they are inpatient, they know what others their age have done to get out of the home, out of school and into a "safe space". Take it seriously! Take him to ER if they find that his OD attempt was nothing, then fine, so be it. Let them work with a safe place that can take him in for a bit, help with meds, and support, and then they can only release with a specific care plan. It is sad for him and you and your kids too. I feel sad reading it. Is it possible he was abused by anyone? This is an oversexed kid that is crying out for help! Liver damage from a few more tylenol could have killed him or put him in hospital for a long time. This kid needs very very serious help. If you live in CA put him into care and use the local ER as a stepping stone! That's what it is there for! dtzy is right and annie is right! Get his kid into care asap! It a failed vain attempt in your eyes but next time it may not be, and then what?
What I forgot to post on this
What I forgot to post on this was that I had also contacted poison control and health link but because he had only taken a COUPLE more then the daily limit then they told me he would probably be fine and to monitor the situation!!!!! But I was typing fast and forgot to add that because of all the stress right now! As for the ADHD, it causes people to have impulses that they follow on without thinking. He DOES NOT have a history of depression, nor has any of the psych staff thought that... however one thing that is common with ADHD is a condition called ODD (oppressional defiant disorder)... He was also in counselling back in the spring at DH and my insistence...
Two things come to my mind on
Two things come to my mind on this ~
One the fact that no one acted on this kids attempt of swallowing pills. You assumed that was all he took ~ stupid on your accounts as adults. Kids these days are popping Xanax, percocets, OxyContin and you just said ~ ehhhh I'll just watch him ~ you did that to save your asses. How bout getting the kid a therapist n find out why he is crying out for attention.
I get that you were scared but wouldn't you want him in a safe place in case anything went wrong.
Then you got the wonderful Mom ~ I can't come over because I have darts. Wow I think I have heard it all.
No wonder this kid is crying out for help.
Mom doesn't care n Dad would rather take the watch n see approach n you just followed the lead.
That's sad ~ sorry if it hurts but you brought it to the table.
Ladies, I agree that SS
Ladies, I agree that SS should have been taken to the hospital as soon as note and empty bottle were discovered. What I disagree with is the fact that some of you are blaming SM for not taking him. She is the one who questioned DH about taking him, her DH.. this kids FATHER is the one who blew it off. This kids MOTHER blew it off because she was playing darts?? WTF. This kid is not safe with EITHER parent!
SM seems to be the only one with half a brain in this equation.
....called his dad! He told
....called his dad! He told me to keep him from school and to keep an eye on him... when I asked if I should take him to the doc or hospital I was told that it probably wasn't enough to do anything and to just keep an eye on him
She said "she called the dad"
She said "she called the dad" ~ was Dad home or was Dad at work.
If she was home alone ~ her actions
If he was there ~ they both are neglectful ~ neglectful in getting him the help he needed.
Yes, dad blew it off, but SM
Yes, dad blew it off, but SM followed his lead. Had the boy died, both of their butts would be up the creek.
I'm all for the not my kid, not my problem line of thinking. However, that goes out the window when you are talking about a child's life.
The dad didn't just blow it
The dad didn't just blow it off... we consulted with the mother who works in a doctor's office and with poison control before making any decision! I put that in another post but when I was writing before I left a couple of things out because of stress and crap!
Wow.... a lot of judgemental
Wow.... a lot of judgemental people on here... What I forgot to post on this was that I had also contacted poison control and health link but because he had only taken a COUPLE more then the daily limit then they told me he would probably be fine and to monitor the situation!!!! I also forgot to add that BM also runs a medical clinic here as the manager and she still waited until 11pm to decide to take him in to get checked out at the hospital!!! But I was typing fast and forgot to add that because of all the stress right now! But hey people like to attack when only a little bit of the information is given!!! As for the ADHD, it causes people to have impulses that they follow on without thinking. He DOES NOT have a history of depression, nor has any of the psych staff thought that... however one thing that is common with ADHD is a condition called ODD (oppressional defiant disorder)... He was also in counselling back in the spring at DH and my insistence...As for him being taken out of BM home???? That never happened... SS and SD moving here was their decision. I also said that we had Child protection come into my home when we were dealing with sexual issues with SS and we proved that we were the fit parent in their lives... however BM's home is still under investigation to this date!!!
I am sure there will be much much more attacking on here!!!!
Mad? Umm no! Did I
Mad? Umm no!
Did I make a mistake in not posting everything when I was emotional? Yes!
If others were in the same position they would do the same when posting for help! It's not easy when all your thoughts are going a hundred miles a minute!
Vital information was omitted
Vital information was omitted ....
....and only included when
....and only included when the responses were not what one wanted to hear.
Yes ~ back peddling. There
Yes ~ back peddling.
There is a preview button b4 you post
Goodness, a lot going on
Goodness, a lot going on here.... OK, a couple points:
1. Get all Tylenol (Acetaminophen) out of the house. Use Advil (ibuprofen) instead. The LETHAL dose of Acetaminophen is only 10x the recommended dose. The lethal dose of ibuprofen is 100x the recommended dose. Acetaminophen is dangerous shit. One of my dad's friends took the recommended dose of Tylenol for 2 weeks and ended up going into renal failure.
2. Take all suicide attempts seriously. That means hospital and counseling. Yeah, this time was a cry for attention. Next time he might down the bottle at 9 pm and you don't find him until the next morning when it's way too late. He needs help for THIS attempt, don't wait until he ups the ante figuring he has to in order to be heard. (Yes, I know you don't have legal standing as smom. But you should be telling your DH this is a *requirement*. You asked what he wanted you to do in the moment, which is fine and understandable. But now the emergency moment has passed and it's time to tell DH that this needs to happen. DH needs to report the suicide attempt to a professional and get SS help.)
3. I don't see the prior posts as being all the judgmental, honestly. They pointed out to you, correctly, that in the stress of the moment you didn't make the best judgement calls you could have. It's a fair point, and one you acknowledge yourself. Now is the time to correct, or at least mitigate, those mistakes. Judgement would come if you argued that there was no problem and therefore nothing you needed to do. Clearly you're not going to argue that, or you wouldn't have posted this thread!
4. SS moving in with BM. Meh, I'm on the fence on this. On the one hand, if it's truly what he wants then I think you need to step back and allow it to happen. With the caveat, of course, that he gets counseling for the suicide attempt whether he's at your house or BM's. If she's not going to take it seriously, then I'd fight it as not being in his best interests. But I'd also point out to you that when someone is that far gone that they swallow a bunch of pills, it's almost always more than one thing pushing them (not JUST step-life, or JUST dad, or JUST school). A change of environment might be a really good thing for him, again, provided he gets the professional support he needs no matter where he's living.
Thanks for your post! The
Thanks for your post! The day after it happened I bought a lock box and now have all medications kept in it including vitimins and such! As for councelling, he is back in and will be going once a week for the next 2 months to start. This is on top of visits to his family doc as well as getting assessed for the adhd! I have been on the phone non stop getting these appointments put together for SS and DH... Just waiting on a few signatures from BM to get some of it in motion! If she won't sign then we will take her back to court!
I have tried my best trying to keep him in positive things to keep him busy, school sports, soccer, air cadets! With 3 other teens in the house we get very busy!