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He has 30 days. I stuck to my guns

Accordn2L's picture

Submitted by Accordn2L on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 7:26am

Here is the update from yesterday. I wrote down the things I needed to say so I wouldn't get upset or off topic. I sat him down and very calmy let him know I couldn't continue doing this, that I loved him but I did not love nor even like his daughter. I told him that the thought of having her 24/7 was more than I could handle and I have given this a very good try and he has not followed through with all the promises of rules, consequences, counseling, and still let's BM call the shots just like saying she was sending SD8 24/7. So he has 30 days to find a place and be out. I don't feel anything right now, totally numb.

Comments

FTMandSM's picture

Submitted by FTMandSM on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 7:49am

Wow! Good for you for realizing what was is best for you and your daughter! Good luck!

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 7:53am

I'm sorry this is how it turned out but you are doing everyone involved a big favor by not prolonging this. For you, the pain will fade....unlike if you stuck it out and had that kid 24/7 with your BF not even bothering to consult you before plans change (you know, something huge like having another resident).

JingerVZ's picture

Submitted by JingerVZ on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 8:02am

Wow Accordn! Sending you hugs. Lots of them.
Take care of yourself first now.
And more hugs!

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 8:15am

Wow. I wasn't expecting this. I thought you and SO would try to make a go of it but I suppose it doesn't bode well when a partner makes a life-altering decision without checking with you first. It boggles my mind. I am betting he is numb too.

Hang in there!

Accordn2L's picture

Submitted by Accordn2L on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 9:58am

I thought I could try but the more I thought about it, the more mad I got. Why do I have to keep being the one who tries and tries and sacrifices and she's not even my kid? I wish him the best and I hope for her sake and future that he will get her some therapy. Maybe after a while of putting up with her misbehavior 24/7 on his own he will realize WTH I've been talking about all this time.

I am sure BM will have a field day with this, but I'd rather be alone and happy than together and cleaning shit off the walls.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 10:17am

I think somewhere between writing up the contract you started and actually presenting it to your SO, you found the inner strength to do what you known you have to do. For you. For your own daughter. It couldn't have been an easy decision nor discussion and for that I'm sorry.

As I read about your SD and SO, I couldn't help but think this is just a younger version of Stepdown's YSD and the way her DH enables the behavior or seems unable to try and 'help' her and/or change anything about it.

Hugs to you and may you continue to have the strength to get through the next 30dys.

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 12:29pm

I hope so too that she gets help. Poop on the walls is not normal. My BD got poop on her hands by accident the other day and she freaked out, wanting to me to wipe it off right away. It surprises me to no end that bio-parents can be so blind to the bad/broken nature of their own children. I mean, even if your SD dipped her fingers in her bum hole and wrote I needs hlp on the walls would your SO notice something is wrong? Probably not.

Anyways, here's hoping these 30 days go by without incident and SO gets this girl the help she so evidently needs.

Accordn2L's picture

Submitted by Accordn2L on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 10:04am

Oh yes, he has 30 days to go. My daughter is going to stay with my Aunt tonight because they are going to a church thing. Anyways, to be nice I'm going to go by the liquor store OTW home, get liquor and boxes. I plan to drink and give him the boxes to get started. I don't like procrastination.

Accordn2L's picture

Submitted by Accordn2L on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 10:12am

I will probably regret this in the morning but I am totally going to have too many drinks tonight. LOL

BlindInTX's picture

Submitted by BlindInTX on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 1:35pm

Wow! Way to go, mama! I know that was hard to do, but you know it's the right thing.

Cheers and drink up tonight! I'll toast in your honor myself! Wink

blayze's picture

Submitted by blayze on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 2:34pm

Thank goodness you changed your tune from yesterday woman! Smile You had me on such high alert that I had to tell MY SO that he would be moving out if that shit ever happened over here. LMAO.

Your man might come to his senses over the next month. So might dumbass BM. Don't let your heart ice over because this might be just the scenario that makes him realize that having a good partner is more important than catering to BM's mood swings and letting guilt run his life.

He might fight for you... this could be the tipping point... the situation that helps him see the light.

And if not, EFF HIM! You can do soooo much better!

I'm sending you love either way. <3