She gears up, she sends warning and then.... NOTHING
SS14 was supposed to have his Court Ordered call with his mother last night some time between 7 and 8 pm. He had made plans to go out with his friend for the night so we suggested he give his non-working mother a call around 4 before he left to chat at that time and let her know he had plans later in the night.
Well, BM was clearly pissed from our text war on Monday and laid into him as soon as he called.
He came downstairs, just as his friend arrived at our house and told me that his mom was really mad. She asked if he was in counseling and then also told him that if he didn't call HER by 7:20, she would be calling the police.
DH had just left to run a quick errand so I told SS not to worry. It wasn't his "job" to call his mother and not to worry about the police and to go have fun.
Now, just to remind you. SS can call his mother any time he pleases. DH has a restraining order against BM which restricts ALL contact, but she is allowed to call Monday and Wednesday between the hours of 7 and 8. She never actually calls, she usually just sends DH a text sometime around 7:30 asking "where's my son .... it's time for our call". DH will usually just have him call her from the house phone -which she is blocked from calling, and we keep the ringer off as it is more of an emergency phone.
This past Monday (per my other blog), SS14 had to call his mom at 7:30 after arriving home 2 hours late and still having chores to do, to tell her that he didn't have lots of time to talk and that he'd call her later because he was late, had to walk the dog, finish chores, eat dinner, etc.
That night, she proceeded to text DH that he was breaking her order. I took the opportunity to lay into her, remind her what the order atually stated, make fun of her 14 year old boob job, let her know we knew all about her two jobs and encourage her to file a police report if she wanted to and to definitely take us to court - for whatever problems she had. We'd be sure to let the judge see her constant texts she sent while drunk stating that she has nothing to live for and that DH can have full custody (He is already the custodial parent and she has EOWe).
She also mentioned on MOnday that she'd never be ordered to pay child support because "your wife"/ SM / ME makes to much money. That alone makes me want to hire a fricken lawyer and put that janky bitch in her place.
Anyway ,.. back to the story.
Seven o'clock rolls around and nothing from BM. 7: 20... 7:45 ... Nothing all night. She had her little flare up then probably realized that she had the rest of her night to go get drunk and wouldn't have to worry about SS. Which she shluld have done in the first place, it's just a shame she thinks it's ok to put a massive guilt trip / scare into him.
The poor kid is always hearing her threats that she's going to a) call the police b) kill herself c) give up custody.
It's sad.
At least we don't have to deal with "the call" for another 5 days.
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Comments
^^^^^^Oh yes, definitely
^^^^^^Oh yes, definitely THIS^^^^
This is really a good
This is really a good idea.
It removes DH from the drama. It removes all of us from the "waiting for BM" tirade and puts SS in charge.
I know she feels like she has no power and she tries to cause drama or exercise her "control" in anyway she can.
This is really good advice.
We CAN include the Fuck off
We CAN include the Fuck off and die part, can't we? Or would that ultimately be frowned upon?
This woman is mentally
This woman is mentally unstable.
Even MY STEP MOTHER was asking last night, "she's still doing this? hasn't she moved on yet?"
BM has many, many problems and issues. I'd love for SS to never have to see her again or deal with her influence... but that's just not going to happen right now.
Yes. We've gone through this
Yes. We've gone through this - picking apart of the CO. It states that BM may call between the hours of 7 and 8 and that SS is able to end the call when he wishes. It also grants DH the same when SS14 is in her care during summer or Christmas.
BM has called the police on DH many times. Police have called and told DH he has done nothing wrong and apologize.
It's a great idea to dictate what is expected moving forward. The woman doesn't undertand how to read, contradicts herself constantly and actually thinks she has 50/50 custody of her son and that she's a struggling single mother. NOt sure if it's the drugs or if she's THAT STUPID.
I think this is exactly what
I think this is exactly what we will do. Unblock her from the house phone and ask that she call that number moving forward for her phone calls, letting her know that we will not be responding to text messages moving forward while also reminding her that SS may call her at any time.
One of the reasons we have discouraged SS from calling his mom during the window and waiting on her to call is because it is so sad/ pathetic to watch him call, leave a VM, hang up and do it over and over again for 20 min straight. She gets off on that shit. And he sits there worrying about mommy.
I think this is excellent advice though. We'll clear it up with SS - you may call your mom any "appropriate" time you like (other than to get out of doing chores, at bedtime, etc). She is able to call during the designated time. If she does, great. If she doesn't, now worries. If you're not home. We'll let her know.
Thanks Tog. I know you're a
Thanks Tog. I know you're a therapist, so ... do we just say, "your mom is playing games. this is how you handle it?"
Or what?
part of the issue is that he'll get her wrath when he doesn't do what she wants. She's had him convinced for the past year that HE is SUPPOSED to CALL HER. We explain to him that that's not the case but she's probably telling him that SHE EXPECTS him to CALL HER.
... but then she's nutty and actually starts to beleive it and will tell him that she's calling the cops on him. Crazy.
Thanks this is helpful too.
Thanks this is helpful too. SS has been coming around lately also. He tells me I'm a way better mom than he is and that his mom isn't a good mom at all.
I whole heartedly agree but try to tell him that his mother has things going on in her head that limit her ability to be a thoughtful and caring mom and she is who she is. He gets it, but he's still very protective of her and scared. He's getting older than her though and bigger than her. So I think he is just starting to understand and have more confidence.
Part of the difficult part is
Part of the difficult part is that he gets two more two week visits with her this summer. We have him for one more week than he's off to spend two weeks of misery while she fluctuates from MOTY to Drunk Mom to Pot Smoking Mom to Thug Mom to Drug Dealing Mom... you get the point.
So she gets to have her claws in him for four more weeks total this summer.
We told him this last time
We told him this last time and even gave him a special phone. The problem is that he stands up for her.
DH actually had one of his calls during a time where BM was drunk. DH could tell BM was drunk just by the way she asnwered the phone. But when he asked SS, SS insisted that she wasn't drunk and hadn't been drinking and that everything was peachy keen.