Here is the advice Luchay with me a couple a weeks ago that has helped me sooooo much! I am sharing in a post for all to read and hopefully it will help others.

"Our body has two states of being...
One is I AM SAFE..... and the other is I AM ABOUT TO BE EATEN BY A TIGER.
Just one or the other, there is no other state. If our body is not 100% relaxed, then it is forced to interpret tension as a "tiger", and then it must act to save our life. Adrenalin and cortisol - our fight or flight chemicals pour in, getting us ready to run like hell and save our lives. This is our "fight or flight" response.

Our body doesn't know the difference between "I just got fired from my job" or "my husband is an arsehole" or "I am going to be killed by a tiger" If you hold tension in your belly button about any event, it believes you are being killed and is forced to give you life saving chemicals.
Now, these chemicals are great for tigers, you tense up, your eyes open wide to find where he is, and you run up a tree with the utmost urgency. The safety system works a treat.

But when there isn't a real tiger, but rather just something yucky we wish wasn't, our body gets ready for fight or flight, juices up with life saving chemicals, but doesn't know what it is fighting or fleeing from. THIS IS WHERE STRESS RESULTS. You feel tense, sick, angry, your mood drops and agitation rises. You feel a sense of urgency (because you should move urgently if you were being eaten by a tiger) and you stay fixated on the problem (because you should keep an eye on the tiger at all times so you don't accidentally run towards him)

However, there is no real tiger, nothing life or death to flee from in this minute. and so each of these reactions just fills us with stress.
We have to help our body save tiger responses for actual tigers and moments of life or death, and not for anything else. Sometimes we think our problems are tigers, but they are not. I would like you to conceptualise that problems are not tigers but dog poo. I'll explain...
If you are walking along and there is a giant dog poo on the footpath - we do not have a fear response "ooooh I am going to die". No, you and I both know that dog poo is not life threatening. Sure, it's yucky, and we don't want to step in it, or eat it, but it's not going to kill us. Problems are the same as dog poo. A problem that isn't threatening to your very safety in this minute is just yucky and you might not wish to be in it. We need to make sure that our body chemistry is behaving appropriately for the minute it is in - a safe minute.

We have to make sure that our body chemistry interprets our problem as merely dog poo when it reacts. and not a tiger, something which it needs to save your life from.

Now, lets think again about dog poo for just a minute more. When you are walking along the path and come to this dog poo, you can do one of a few things. You can stop at the dog poo and not proceed, feeling angry that dog owners aren't more responsible, you can get your body juiced up with adrenalin thinking about how wrong it is and how it should not be. And you can thoroughly ruin what would otherwise have been a good minute, by thinking about what is wrong about someone else.

Or, you can see the dog poo for what it is, a dog poo. You can accept that it exists. You don't have to love it, or grant the dog owner permission to leave it there, but you can accept that you can see it exists. You can make sure your body is relaxed and not behaving as though this dog poo is a tiger. And the really cool bit is, you can WALK AROUND IT and keep on having an enjoyable walk! Yup - you can choose to stop thinking about something you cannot change and that is under someone else's control, and you can choose to use YOUR minute for something that makes you feel good!
Second sheet.

. Is this mine?
. is this thought or worry I am having under my control? Do I have the power to fix it? Or does this belong to someone else?
. Can I tighten my tummy and hate this, protest this, rage about this, be indignant about this enough to change it?
. CLUE: IF WE ARE STRESSED THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS ARE ALWAYS NO
* Is this NOW?
. Is this worry something I can do anything about in this very minute? (check the clock) Or are you in a time machine minute, either in a past minute you cannot change or a future minute we haven't even come to yet?
. In this minute, the only minute you have any say over will a tight tummy change anything, or do anything to change this worry?
. CLUE: YEP YOU GUESSED IT, IT WE ARE STRESSED THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS ARE ALWAYS NO
# Ok ok ok so then, what can *I* do that is MINE and NOW?

I know this is a little radical, but I can accept this. This means I have to see it how it is, even the shitty bits. This doesn't mean I have to love it, allow it, grant it permission, or be thankful for it - only that I accept it. In this minute I CAN ACCEPT THAT I CAN SEE THAT IT IS YUCKY, AND I CAN ALSO ACCEPT THAT I CAN SEE IT EXISTS! from here, I will practice slow deep breathing and pushing out my belly button, so that my body doesn't believe that this shitty bit is a tiger, and then attempt to save my life with adrenalin and cortisol.

Now, with acceptance under your belt and a loose belly button....
What will I choose to do with this very minute I am in right now (check the clock) In this minute I can choose to think about something that I have no control over and that makes me feel yucky, OR in this minute I can go do something that is under my control and will make me feel great. Right now I can go for a walk, have a cuppa or go dig in the garden. In this very minute, whether I chose miserable or whether I chose relaxed - it doesn't change this yucky thing THAT JUST IS. It just is, and I chose to find something good for me to be doing with this minute.

Of course, the problem, the shitty bit still exists, and at some point there will be an appropriate minute to deal with it. But usually when the stress and anxiety and upset is happening it is NOT that time. So, we need to learn to see it as just a shitty thing that is, and walk around it. So we can come back and deal with it later with a calm attitude and a clear head."