I apologize in advance because this is a long one. It would figure that after I posted something positive that happened between SD and myself that SD would then put on her mega princess pants and start acting like an insufferable brat. FDH and I are both fed up with this behavior from her. If she doesn't get her way, even if it is her own fault that she doesn't get her way, she acts like we're the two biggest assholes on the face of the earth. She still can't take criticism and she especially doesn't take any from me no matter how nicely I deliver it.

Well, last night I wasn't so nice about it because she was trying to physically force the dog to do something and that is not OK in my book. She has this really bad habit of trying to either force or punish the animals when they won't do exactly what she wants to do. She did it back in 2012 with her own cat, - when she put a mouse costume hat for cats on her that was on way too tight because the cat didn't do EXACTLY what she wanted her to do - she does it to MY cat all the damn time, - mostly it constitutes her moving him where she thinks he should be or holding him down in her lap so he won't leave until SHE'S done petting him - she has done it to the dog in the past, - kicking at him when he won't leave her alone - and she did it to the dog last night.

SD and FDH were in the kitchen and when FDH is in the kitchen, the dog goes in to hang out with him. I don't know if FDH asked SD to do this because FDH never does this unless the dog is right underfoot, but, SD brought the dog out into the living room and snapped at him to lay down. She did this a couple times, using a hand signal that he does not understand and when he, naturally, did not lay down, she braced herself and put both of her hands on the back of his neck to push him down on the floor. I watched the whole thing and as soon as she started to push him down I shouted at her to stop.

She, of course, looked at me with a dumb look on her face like "What is YOUR problem??" and I said "DON'T push on the back of his head or neck!" She immediately said "I didn't!" and mind you, she's still standing there, with her hands on his neck, ready to push again. She tried to bicker with me about how she didn't do it and I told her to just get away from the dog and leave him alone. At this point, FDH came out of the kitchen because he had no idea what was going on. SD said that I accused her of doing something she didn't do, I told FDH what I saw her do and he said that she needs to stop trying to physically force the animals to do what she wants them to do. She then started bickering with him about how she didn't do it and how she doesn't LIKE being accused of something she didn't do.

He pulled her into the kitchen with him to talk about it and I heard her yelling at him that she's not going to be accused of something she didn't do and that she's not going to apologize, either. After he talked to her for a bit, he brings her back out into the living room and says "Listen, I wasn't in here when it happened, so I'm not going to mediate or get in the middle of this because I'm tired of being in the middle, and yes, I'm looking right at you SD because you seem to drag me into the middle of these things because you don't know how to resolve conflict with AtMC. You need to understand that she's going to deal with you completely differently than anyone else deals with you because she is her own person. If you don't like the way she talked to you tonight, then YOU need to work that out with her. You both need to talk about it and resolve this because I am not going to have tension in the house tonight."

SD pipes up with "I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do" so I looked at her and said that FDH didn't ASK her to apologize just now. Oh, but she was referring to before when they were in the kitchen. I said "But he's not asking you NOW, so, let's move on from that. I'm more than willing to talk this through with you, so if you're willing then let's talk."

At this point, she's shooting me nasty looks and glaring at me so I said "Listen, SD, I shouted at you tonight. And maybe I shouted too harshly, and for that I apologize. So, let's make a compromise. I promise that I will do my best not to shout the way I did tonight and apologize when I do if you promise to try not to do anything like that again." She gave me a "wtf are you talking about look?" so I said "I mean try not to physically force the animals to do what you want them to do. You were trying to get him to lay down and, when it wasn't working for you, you should have asked me or your dad to show you how to get him to lay down. We're the ones who trained him so we can teach you how to do that. That's the kind of problem solving we want from you."

She was just glaring at me and I then told her that she could talk at any time because a conversation is not one person talking to or at another person, it is two people sharing their thoughts and ideas. She said "I overreacted to the way you told me to stop because it's really triggering when I'm accused of doing something I didn't do and told to apologize for something I didn't do." I looked her square in the face and said "I think it's great that you recognize that as a problem for yourself, so, I ask that you own that and work towards moving past that knee-jerk reaction that you have. Your dad and I both own our own issues and continually work to move past them, so, if you need help, let us know."

She started in about how she didn't do it again and I said "OK, SD, let's just say maybe you DIDN'T actually push down on the dog's neck. You were going to. You wouldn't have put your own body in the position you did if you weren't going to do it. So, if you didn't actually do it, you were planning on doing it. And that's what I'm concerned about, that you didn't think to ask for help, that you just decided forcing the dog was the better option."

SD: "Well, I thought about it, it crossed my mind for a split second, but I wasn't going to do it and I DIDN'T do it"
Me: "SD, I'm done arguing about whether you did or did not do it, I'm trying to let you know how that shouldn't even be the next thing you think about in that situation. It shouldn't be 'Oh, the dog isn't listening to me, hm, how can I force him to do what I want?' it should be 'let me ask dad or AtMC if they can show me how to do it because they might know how to get him to listen better.'"

At this point, she gave me a look that very clearly told me to go f*ck myself and walked away and hid in her room the rest of the night. Now, we have told her in the past that if she is getting angry or upset and needs space that she is free to go calm down in her room, but we have told her that doesn't mean to just shoot a nasty look and walk away; we've asked her to do what we do which is say "listen, let's talk about this more later, I'm getting heated/upset/whatever so I'm going to go calm down." Whatever. I'm over her need to be right all the time. FDH checked in on her a few times and tried to get her to come back out to resolve the matter, but, she was intent on acting like a complete princess pants brat.

Some people might say great that she's recognizing what her own issues are, and I agree because she can name them. But, when she makes those statements about things "triggering" her, I have realized that it's not to say "I have this problem and I need help with it because I don't like being this way" it's a statement on her part about how this is an issue for her and so we must do everything in our power to never trigger her ever again. Because she thinks we should completely change our world to match what she wants. Not happening. This is why FDH is going to put her into counseling.

Well, when bedtime rolled around, FDH called her out of her room to say goodnight. She went and said goodnight to him and then went back into her room. He forced her to come back out and say goodnight to me and let me tell you, SD circa 2012 is coming back in full force. This child has been acting crappier and crappier towards me this entire month. After she went back into her room and FDH and I were in our room I said "Listen, I'm sorry you keep getting dragged back into the middle. I think you need to talk to her tomorrow and give her a bit of a reality check. She doesn't need to like me, that's completely optional, but she will be respectful towards me. The shooting me a dirty look and walking away while I was trying to talk it out and resolve it with her, the avoiding saying goodnight to me, nope. We're not going back to 2012. I absolutely hate that you have to be in the middle of anything again, because I have tried really hard not to drag you into these things, but she keeps doing it and I'm getting tired of it, she needs to stop trying to pit you against me. This kid has a LOT to learn. Conflict resolution, critical thinking, assertiveness, social skills, and how to take criticism without immediately letting her world crash around her and hating the person who is criticizing her. So please, get her into counseling soon so that she can start fixing these things for herself because she's in for a haphazard lonely life if she doesn't at least learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. I'm tired of her acting this way and I now find myself counting down the days until she leaves and wishing that it were the end of April instead of the end of March. But I will guarantee you this, I will not be uncomfortable in my house. That ship sailed a long time ago and I have no problem disengaging from her again if need be."

After getting that all out, I then looked at FDH and asked "You would tell me if I was out of line in any of this, right?" and he said "Absolutely I would. The only thing I think you could improve would be to not let her bratty princess BS get you so riled up. It stresses you out and you have way too many medical conditions that are aggravated by stress. (side note: he's totally right, my body has even now started being in complete pain when I get stressed or even overly excited about stuff that's good) But, that's it. And, honestly, I completely understand why this riled you up tonight because she was and is out of line. She did something wrong, or was at least ABOUT to do something wrong, and you called her out on it and she didn't like that. Then, when you wouldn't let her get off the hook, she hated that. She's got to learn that you're not going to coddle her and believe every last thing she says because she has a history of lying, especially when she's in trouble. She needs to get over this notion that everyone should treat her like a perfect angel and that she can treat other people and living beings like dirt. Because I know that if someone did to her what she did or was about to do to the dog, she would NOT have enjoyed that. And she certainly wouldn't appreciate other people treating her the way she treats them. So trust me, I'm going to talk to her tomorrow. I was planning on it hours ago when you told me she walked away mid-conversation." FDH is fed up with her antics and he's tired of her snotty behavior derailing our days. Of course, I reminded him that it didn't derail our entire night because there was a lovely couple of hours inbetween all this BS where he and I just got to be by ourselves and not worry about her snotting all over the place.

All this nonsense at home is compounded by the fact that I feel like I get no break from having to act like a parental figure. Normally, work is my escape, but anymore it seems like I'm having to parent even at work because our recruiters are acting like overgrown teenagers as well. The managers all got together yesterday to have a meeting and aside from the specific content of the conversation (how we have to get them to step up, do more work, stop coming and going as they please without taking leave, take on more atypical shifts, and work towards a recruitment goal rather than a number of calls goal) it was identical to the conversations FDH and I have had in regards to SD. *smh* I miss having an escape from this stuff.