I went through infertility issues myself. My ExH had the same issue, low sperm count and low motility. It took a toll on our marriage and it's the main reason we aren't together anymore. We did 4 IUI's, one with Clomid (not sure of the spelling) and one with the shots. I hate needles and giving myself shots was an extremely difficult thing to do. I didn't get pregnant on any of the attempts. The fertility clinic was an hour away and I had to drive there so many times alone. I also lost a pregnancy as well. I researched on the internet and I found an article that finding out that you are infertile can be one of the most devistating things a person can go through. I really had to take a break from it all. It was very painful for me to even look at pregnant women and babies. I would just wish and wish that I would get pregnant. After a couple years from being divorced, I met someone who I fell in love with also! We had a baby boy three months ago!! He wasn't planned....but I feel like that was probably best. I don't think I could have gone through all those feelings again, like every month looking at the BFN....that was the worst.

In your situation, I hope that you can figure this out. I think that you are the only person that will be able to dictate how much emotional stress you may have to deal with again. You are really going to have to decide for yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope it works out the way you want it to!! (((Hugs)))

Dup

Have you guys considered a sperm donor?

FDH just got a reversal 12/26 after 13 years. He goes for his first SA next week. It's expensive but we both agreed we had to atleast try, if it doesn't work then I guess thats the way it is- we would rather travel and enjoy life then spend $20,000 on infertility treatments. Altough it would be heartbreaking. We just hope for the best. Our surgeon said we have an excellent chance and don't be so set on the amount of time that has passed. There's many success stories thats been YEARS since the vasectomy. It only takes one

I was at the point where we were told that we would be unlikely to conceive without medical intervention. We had decided to give ourselves 3-6 months to sit with that information before taking any further steps. And I was pregnant the next month. We'd been TTC for two years.

I think some of the strengthy of your emotions are related to how traumatic TTC was for your with your ex. It sounds like he let you sit with the feelings of responsibility for not having a baby. It always seems like it's so easy to get pregnant - warned about it from the time you get your period, warned about it again in health class, when you start dating, etc etc... and then you are finally READY and it doesn't happen. It can make a woman feel, well, not womanly. It's isolating and it hurts. Then it sounds like you had a jackass adding to YOUR negative experience. For me with my DH, it was something I took more personally, but I know he was equally invested in hoping we would conceive, and equally willing to do the hard stuff when we didn't. (He has a hospital phobia, so even going with me, never mind when he went for his own tests, was super-difficult for him. But he did it.)

My advice to you and your DH is to sit down and really know for yourselves: Do you have a wonderful and joyful life together without a child?

I think you already feel that yes you do. So you could see all of this as being a different path. You know you will have a wonderful life with your DH. Maybe a child will be part of it - wouldn't that be great? But maybe not - and your life together will still be great.

My DH and I live in a country where attempting to conceive, including up to three IVF attempts, are covered by health insurance. My cousin lives in Canada and they spent a LOT on IVF (and are joyfully expecting a baby in May). I don't know that we would have been willing to spend more than our downpayment on our house for the opportunity to have a baby. If it was a sure thing, then yes... but to take a big financial risk would most likely not been our choice.

I'm glad we have our baby girl, she is an absolute delight to us. But it is a LOT of work, it was waaaaaay harder than even all the warnings suggested, and although I wouldn't change a thing, I have no doubt that without her, our lives would also be wonderful. (But it is wonderful to have her sharing her life with us too, just in case it sounds at all like we don't adore her!)

We struggled with infertility for four years, and yes, it was worth it. I was resenting DH because he already had a kid, so I had to die trying or else everything would fall apart. The worst part was that my DH was the problem...non-existent sperm count...and he refused to get checked out. It was like pulling teeth to get that initial SA. He also refused to finance infertility treatments, so I flew to the Czech Republic to have it done for a fraction of the price. For the first couple of years of our marriage, I didn't have any concrete tries at getting pregnant, and that was the worst.

Each person is different, so you know deep down whether or not you can handle it if you try and it fails. I refused to accept failure, but that's only me.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

DS11 was conceived on the third round of IUI with clomid & Shots (i forget what they were called). Was it worth it? Absolutely.

But the 2 1/2 years trying were awful. Everyone around me seemed to be pregnant, the hormones made me crazy, and if one more person had asked when we planned on having a little one i was going to commit homicide. Hang n there and try to remember why you wanted to get pregnant in the first place.