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Reasonable Call/Texts

Skidmom1's picture

Submitted by Skidmom1 on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 9:21am

We are in the process of changing the post decree and I have question if any of you recently have addressed texting and phone calls between BM and children? SD is going to be 14 and is with us 50% of the time. BM knows she can call us (home or cell) and we will make sure the call is returned. Unfortunately that doesn't happen when DH tries to call SD at BM home.

The main issue now is that BM wants SD to have a cell phone so that she can text her anytime she wants. SD used to have a cell phone, but if she didn't respond to a text ASAP BM would take the phone away. BM now is trying to bribe SD with a new Iphone and SD would like to have it, but BM has said "this means you have to text me back right away or I will take it away". SD at this time has said she doesn't want the phone to her mom since she can't always text back if we are doing something. We have no problem with a brief text exchange or phone call, but the problem is BM sends multiple texts and blows up the phone with them!

Have any of you had language written in your agreements about limiting texts?

Comments

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 9:49am

My exH had scheduled times for phone calls nightly. I am not sure why he had it written in but it works ok. He doesn't always call but he is allowed a call nightly from 630-7pm and if we miss it we "have" to call back as soon as possible.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 9:55am

If BM wants to give her a phone, she's got the right to put her own rules/restrictions on it. It seems kind of stupid to expect anyone to respond right away .. most people don't live with their phones glued to their hands.

If you're looking for something to put in the agreement, I would say something like one daily phone call initiated by the non-custodial parent between the hours of 9am and 8pm (or whatever reasonable timeframe works for you).

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 10:13am

I think it depends .. I agree that kids shouldn't be forced to have lenghty convos, but I do believe that maintaining a relationship with a parent is more important than a video game.

When skids were living out of state, DH would call each night. BM made sure the TV was on, video games were going, or some other equally distracting activity. I can't imagine how any of those things is more important than talking to their dad for a few minutes.

Skidmom1's picture

Submitted by Skidmom1 on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 10:30am

We agree completely that communication with both parents is so important. SD knows she can call her Mom whenever she wants. The problem really is with BM and the texting. Let me honest...texting is generally once or twice back and forth communication. When it becomes something more...then call! Problem is BM doesn't want to call. Instead she will blow up the phone with multiple texts and expect immediate responses. The calls from BM were more of a problem when SD was younger. BM would be yelling at SD for something that happened at her house or would constantly be telling her she would be in trouble when she got home. It really kept SD in knots when she was with us. Seemed the BM never wanted SD to settle in and become comfortable with us. This was when DH only had the daughter every Wednesday and every other weekend.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 12:46pm

The girl is 14. I don't think you should get involved in this cellphone issue at all. If mom wants to buy her a phone and take it away if she doesn't call or text right back, that is between her and her mother.

You guys aren't paying for it and the fallout when mom takes the phone away will not be aimed at you. Teenagers have attitides anyway at this age. This will just be something else she and her mother will fight about.

At her age, I wouldn't sweat the small stuff.

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

Submitted by notmyfirstrodeo on Fri, 07/26/2013 - 1:18pm

We are in the middle of a trial right now and phone contact is one of the issues. BM has primary custody and DH has EOW. When SD9 is with BM, DH calls 2-3 times per week, depending on what's going on with SD9. SD9 has had her own iPhone for 2 years now and she never answers it. So DH has stopped calling it and he calls BM's phone. BM never answers either. DH is lucky if he gets to talk to SD9 once a week. However, when SD9 is with us (say for summer extended visitation) BM calls every day. Like clockwork. 3:01 pm. SD9 doesn't want to talk to her every day. She enjoys the break from mom and her PAS. SD9 also gets upset if she has too much contact with BM because BM makes PAS comments while they are on the phone that makes her cry so we try to only allow her 2 - 3 calls per week. That's more than DH gets, but we try to do what's fair and best for SD9.

Now during the trial, the judge asked both BM and DH what they thought would be a fair phone visitation schedule. BM said she wanted a daily call between 5 and 6 pm. DH said he thought MWF between 5 and 6 would be better. The Judge agreed with DH.

Of course, I'm talking about a 9 year old here, versus a 14 year old. But I can imagine we will be contending with the same issues you are having in about 5 years.