How would you handle this? (O/T)
BD2's godmother has a habit of stepping on my mother's and my toes. She'll try to tell us how to take care of BD2. This would be fine and dandy, if she had come to visit more than 5 times since we moved back 8 months ago, 3 of which have been in the past month. She tries to tell my mom, who lives NEXT DOOR to me and sees BD EVERYDAY what BD likes and doesn't like. My mom puts up with it ONLY because "Friend" is my friend. Otherwise, she'd probably choke her.
A few days ago, my mother was over helping me with lunch. I had just finished feeding NBD and laid her down in her basket when I hear a knock at the door. I didn't even have time to straighten my shirt out before "Friend" walked in. I literally had time to say "Hi [Friend]..." before she swooped over to the basket and picked up NBD, waking her up, without even saying a word to me. My mother quickly excused herself, but I could tell she was pissed. I went upstairs to put BD2 down for her nap, came back down and started cleaning, since naptime is the only time I have to clean that BD2 won't be making a mess right behind me trying to "help". "Friend" told me to be quiet, because *she* had gotten NBD to sleep. I just about blew it then, but instead decided to sit down in a chair and relax for a few minutes, since she was holding NBD. I started drifting off and she told me "Don't you be falling asleep on me woman. I don't have much time to visit with you."
Every other guest who's come to see NBD and I has been very helpful. They've offered to do a load of dishes or run downstairs and switch over my laundry or sweep the floors or just hold NBD so I could spend a few minutes coloring with BD2! They've all called ahead and asked when a good time was (Aka NOT naptime) and WAITED at the door for a moment to give me time to answer it!
I don't want to be a bitch to "Friend" but she really REALLY needs some boundaries put in place. How would you handle this? (My mother came over after Friend left and told me that if anyone had ever picked me up without asking or even acknowledging her first, she'd have knocked their block off. She then did a load of dishes, grabbed a load of BD2's laundry, took BD2, and told me to go take a nap because I looked like I was about to fall on my face.)
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she sounds a lot like my know
she sounds a lot like my know it all, overbearing friend. she has a degree in social work, and used to run a daycare out of her home. she thinks that makes her a teacher, pediatrician, child psychologist, obgyn, you name it. bs5 is mildly autistic, and she thinks she knows more about it than i do, even though she has never had an autistic child. if one of my kids has the sniffles, she jumps my ass for not running them to dr. her family goes over colds all the time. :? she is constantly trying to give every child and most adults some kind of label. she tried to tell me one time that i'm ADD because i'm not good at math. um, ok. i can totally see how the 2 are related. :? yet she knows i can sit in barnes and noble all day long reading. yeah, sounds like i have a concentration problem. she tried to tell me to switch obgyn's to her dr because she doesn't like my dr, as if her feelings are more important when it comes to me choosing a dr than hers are. the funny thing is that she had never been to my dr, never even met her. so how the hell can she not like her? now she's all over me all the time about getting my tubes tied! :O NONE OF HER MF'G BUSINESS. she seems to think she can force me to do it. well i have decided against it. she says she can't take "the emotional roller coaster" anymore, due to me having miscarriages and one scare after another right up to delivery with bs7weeks. i guess once again, her feelings about my miscarriages and pregnancy are supposed to matter more than my own. i'm pretty sure MY emotional health is what matters, since it was ME that went thru these things, not her.
you are probably going to have to just come right out and be honest with friend. that is what i've had to do. and if your friend is really like mine, she will act all hurt and put out, like you did something unbelievably cold and rude to her by calling her out on her bullshit. my friend has done that to me a few times. oh well. not my problem if she can't take being told that her behavior is out of line. maybe she should have thought twice about trying to run my life.
Omg, if it weren't for
Omg, if it weren't for "Friend" not having a degree, I'd swear we were talking about the same person. She babysat for like 5 or 6 kids for a while and that made her an expert on kids. She also keeps bugging me about what type of birth control I'm going to use and that she thinks I should use "this kind" because "a friend of hers" used "that kind" and now she can't have more kids and I "need" to have more kids in a few years. Like that is her decision to make...
She has even tried to tell me that I need to leave DH because she "doesn't like him". That was when BD2 was 3 months old and in response to me telling her that DH and I had had a huge fight. I told her something along the lines of "Tough, he was here first and you are far more replaceable" and told her to leave. She didn't speak to me for a month and told everyone I had been a "hormonal bitch" to her. She's getting to be one of those friends you wish you could get rid of but won't go away.
my friend has also been
my friend has also been trying for years to convince me of how unhappy i am and to leave fdh. same thing as you, i confide in her that we had a fight and suddenly he's the biggest POS in the world. i don't run over a fight. she apparently doesn't either, because she's been very unhappily married for 10 years. anyone who is going to leave because of a normal, everybody-has-them type of fight isn't mature. i get so very sick and tired of her trying to tell me what to do right down to who to be with and when to be done having kids. oh here's another thing...
another reason she is so desperate for me to get my tubes tied is because bs7weeks came out with his cord wrapped around his neck twice. it was scary. my dr firmly told me to stop pushing. friend said bs's face was grey and his body was pink and she left the room because she thought he was dead and didn't know how she was going to tell me. so because she misjudged what was happening and got stressed out, i'm not supposed to have anymore kids. i already told her a million fucking times i am done having kids now, but she just HAS to make sure. furthermore, if my baby had died, i'm pretty sure fdh and my dr would have told me, not her. she gives herself way too much authority and importance in my life. she is important to me and i love her even though i hate her too, but she does not get to take over the dr or SO roles in my life. she needs to see a psychiatrist. her need to control is way over the top.
Thankfully, BD2 was sick the
Thankfully, BD2 was sick the weekend of her dedication, so we had to cancel it. I'm thinking God knew we'd regret making "Friend" godmother and made it so that she wouldn't be. I'm seriously considering telling "Friend" that I changed my mind. I told her way back when I was pregnant with BD2 that she could be the godmother, but one of my oldest friends is getting the honor with NBD. She lives 700 miles away and when I asked her to watch a few of my church's services online, she jumped at the idea. She was very enthusiastic about getting to attend church "with" me. She goes to her own church, comes home, watches my church's service and then calls me to talk discuss it. She sent BD2 a "baby Bible" when she was born. She's acted more like BD2's godmother than "Friend" ever has! Heck, she tried to get the money up so that she could attend BD2's dedication even if she wasn't standing with us (she had just lost her job and as I said, she lives 700 miles away.)
You need to speak up when she
You need to speak up when she does things. Its your house and your kids....not sure why you are afraid to say something.
First off....start locking your door. You have a two yr old so it should be locked for safety anyways.
Why is this woman the godmother if you have such issues with her?
You know those people who are
You know those people who are really awesome... and then they meet someone and they completely change? Yep, one of those. She met her boyfriend when BD2 was 7 months old and suddenly barely had time for me and BD2. I'm not the only one who thinks she has changed. I was talking to a friend of ours and she said she can't stand her anymore and hasn't talked to her in two months. Apparently "Friend" decided to spread a rumor about this girl having herpes. Girl was PISSED (and rightfully so) and is now carrying a card from her doctor that has the results of her STD test on it. Totally clean.
Oh, and the part about acting
Oh, and the part about acting like she knows more about BS than you and your mom.....SoFUCKING ANNOYING. My sister is like that and it makes me seeth with rage. She sees my kids/skids maybe twice a year. Yet will act like she knows more about them than me and will actually argue with me about stuff.
For the longest time the skids refused to learn to swim. They could "rescue swim" if they had to. They could make it 4/5 strokes to get the the wall if they fell in. My sister made some comment on FB about how they couldn't swim at all and how worried she was for them. I replied back that they have been in swim lessons for 3 years now and they can swim a few strokes. She called me a liar and said that all they do is sink like a stone. Yeah because the two days she saw them in the past year she clearly know more about them than I do. I think k I was seeing spots I was so mad.
She does it all the time though....implying that she knows more about them than I do. Infuriating.
MIL is like this. She thinks
MIL is like this. She thinks she has this emotional connection with SD & knows her deepest desires & emotional needs. She always tells us "SD needs to feel included in this family" "SD needs to know she belongs because you guys may have your own kids soon" "SD is only SIX she doesn't need to __________" "SD needs _________" "SD needs __________"
You see her twice a year if you're lucky & you baby her to the point that she is an annoying bitchy version of herself by the time she comes back home. You have no idea anything about her.
First off, lock your door.
First off, lock your door. She can't walk in when the door is locked.
Second, if she's really your friend you should be able to tell her to back off. If she takes it poorly you're better off without her.