Every day seems to bring new highs and lows. I had a bad day at work, but then my hubby surprised me with a lunch he made for me on my break. It was hotter than heck all day long so I thought I would till my garden and water my plants. The minute I got off of work it starts to downpour. I get home and my bf is making bbq ribs on the grill and fresh asparagus and tilled my garden for me. The rest of the night went well. I forget sometimes about how good he is to me, but it is days like this that make me believe it is the little things in life are important and make me appreciate him all the more.
Later in the night he got a phone call from his dd. She was crying and upset because she wants to see him, but still does not want me around. He told her that she does not get to choose who he dates and I will be around all the time and when she is ready to deal with that she is welcome to come over any time. I was proud of him for that. (He didn't know I could hear him as I as outside sitting on the porch watching the birds and he was in the front yard on his phone). The dd asked if he talked to me about past things that I have said (I once told her that she wasn't a baby and she could put her own shoes on -she was 10 and when the police showed up at our house I told her that she was acting ridiculous. She had her bag and was threatening to walk out of the house in a snow storm in Feb and walk to her moms house which was 30 miles away because she didn't want me around.) So in over 4 years I have made 2 comments that she did not like and while they may have not been my best of moments, I think my track record is still pretty good. I know I am not perfect, but come on, I am human. The bf firmly stood his ground and said she was acting ridiculous that night and what is in the past is in the past.
She then said that she wanted to spend time with him but not with me around. He said that there is a movie coming up and he would take her, to which she replied that she wanted just the 2 of them and he said we will see. I have no problem with them spending alone time together, in fact I think it is a good idea for them to bond without me there, but at the same time I don't always want to not be in the picture.
He told me about the phone call not knowing that I had heard a lot of it and I told him it was a good idea to spend time with her alone, but at some point we should do some things together-even if it is having supper together or as simple as playing ball together. He agreed and I thought it was good that he asked my opinion with this.
The thing that I come on here to vent though is not that phone call, but what happened afterward.
As soon as his phone call was over all of a sudden the BM started texting him all nicey nice -I see dd is sad and I don't know why, I don't want to ask her, what are you guys talking about? I really hope you 2 can work on your relationship and we are starting counciling again next week and I am going to go and I hope you will too. Blah Blah Blah. All of a sudden she is trying to be this fake woman who cares. You can't file court papers and say that he is emotionally and mentally abusing your daughter and then hope that he and his dd work it out. She is so manipulating it is disgusting. He sees right through it thank the lord and doesn't reply to the texts.
I thought it was soo interesting that before she filed these court papers she claimed that he quit counciling- but now that he got a letter from the councilor stated that he did not and BM never scheduled anymore all of a sudden they are back in counciling. Just in time to tell the court. (In all honesty I am glad dd is going back to counciling because it is the best interest for her, she then gets someone to talk to that isn't in the middle and is only thinking about her best interest.) but come on- do you really think that bf is that stupid as to not pick up on this and see that she is making a show for court.
I really wish I was going to court and that they would let me argue my side. It is the most frustrating thing to have a sd that doesn't like you because of a BM and you will never have a chance to stick up for yourself or defend yourself about the horrible things BM says. I told my bf today that I stress myself out so much that I become sick. I was so worried that when dd does choose to come over again that I don't know what I should do or say. I don't know if I should just pretend like she isn't there, or try to act like everything is normal or just wait for her to open up to me or if I should go to her. I don't want to do the wrong thing and worse case scenario make matters worse or b. not do anything and never make things better. My worst fear is that she will come over one day and bash me and say really hateful things about me and bf won't say anything and just allow it. (I really can't see that happening, but it is definitely a big reason on why I am not a sleep right now.)
I am starting to enjoy this blog thing. It is definitely a release for me to get these feelings out and get other peoples opinions that are parents to kids that are not their own about what or how to go about things. I am not an expert in any way and young as well so I don't have the wisdom some of you on here do and I like that you make me think about things differently and in a light that I hadn't seen before. Thank you for that. (deep breath) A weight has been lifted off my shoulders.