We're in NJ and SO probably won't be seeing SD
SD hasn't been in touch with SO about seeing him this weekend. Because she was supposed to talk to GUBM about driving her up north to see SO since he will be in NJ with his family while I'm at my conference.
Anyone shocked? I'm not. Getting real tired of SD's crap, though, because all it ever does is bring SO down. And it breaks my heart to see SO that upset.
He told me, though, that he won't be driving down to see her. We don't have enough money in the joint account and he refuses to ask me to borrow any because that isn't fair to me due to how poorly she has treated me. In addition, he said he wouldn't ask to borrow my car to make the four hour round trip to go see her because, again, it's not fair to me.
SD is getting real old real quick.
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What happened to my comment?
What happened to my comment? Op, I wasn't trying to be rude, just saying I don't think it is SDs responsibility to communicate this stuff between bm and so. That's what they should be doing. Even if they loathe each other, they should do it or involve a third party.
I deleted it because you
I deleted it because you asked a question easily answered by my previous blog entries.
In an ideal world GUBM wouldn't be a borderline narcissistic piece of shit who treats SD like a gift from her vagina and SO like a bank account. GUBM wouldn't have let SD drop out of school at 13. GUBM wouldn't have omitted SO from SD's school records. GUBM wouldn't have convinced SD that the only way SO can have a relationship with SD is without me and by crawling back to GUBM. And she sure as hell would not have convinced SD that I am the bane of all of their lives to the point where SD has told SO that she is competing with me for him.
Now. I fucking wonder. Why won't SO talk to GUBM??
HRNYC your comments will
HRNYC your comments will continue to be deleted.
Anyone who comes on here chastising SO for not wanting to talk to an abusive piece of shit who has turned his own daughter against him and has her convinced that she's a grown up at the ripe age of 13 will also have their comments deleted. I'm NOT in the fucking mood
He doesn't have to contact
He doesn't have to contact BM. There are third parties out there for that.
I'm not chastising him, I'm just saying a child shouldn't be the one communicating this stuff, even if her mother is the worst person in the world (and BM sounds like a real loser). And given that BM PASes her, it is even less likely that she (SD) will contact him. As horrible as BM is, SD doesn't deserve to have to be communicating this stuff.
Third parties to handle this stuff/communication exist for a reason. They exist to spare exes who can't stand each other from having to talk directly to each other and to spare kids from having to be the go betweens between their parents. SO might want to look into utilizing one when it comes to dealing with BM. Here's a link that provides more information on them:
http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en&tab=ww#hl=en&sclient=psy-ab&q=third+pa...
They're both horrible. Trust
They're both horrible. Trust me. SO has looked into that. It won't work for him. His situation is beyond fucked up.
Well, then I don't know what
Well, then I don't know what he should do, but I do know that things will not improve if SD has to be the one communicating these things. BM is downright evil, but SO is (I feel) making a mistake in having (or trying to have) SD communicate this stuff. BM is uncooperative and mean and this will only make it worse. This is only putting more pressure and unneeded stress on SD, although I know that's not SO's intention.
Given all the crap that has gone on and continues to go on in this situation, and having to be the go-between between BM and SO, and BMs downright evil actions, it is no wonder SD is so screwed up. I know she is acting badly, and I'm sure she knows it too, but she's still a kid. I'm sure a lot of us would act out too if we were in a situation like that as a kid. She is hurting, suffering from PAS and poor parenting, and doesn't seem to have the emotional wherewithal and skills necessary for dealing with BM and taking her to task on her PASing ways, and "put the shoe on the other foot" and try to see things from SOs or our perspective. And because PAS is so harmful, she may not have those things for years.
PASers should be put in jail for child abuse. Maybe if SDs BM knew that would happen, she'd be a lot nicer.
The threat of jail and
The threat of jail and possibly losing her child didn't stop GUBM from driving drunk with her in a car. So I doubt that threat would straighten GUBM out for anything.
SD doesn't buy fully into any PAS attempt, which I think makes it rougher. GUBM tries to turn her against SO but it doesn't entirely work. GUBM has, however, turned her against me. As soon as GUBM realized I wouldn't play into her sick and twisted fantasy of being BFFs with her so she could continue the illusion of SO being HER man, she flipped.
And I have my own personal experience with PAS. My mom did it to me when I was SD's age. Except my parents were not divorced. My father died. I lucked out because I had other adults in my life who validated me. SD does not because GUBM won't allow that. The only "friends" and allies SD has are GUBM's friends who blow smoke up GUBM's backside and pay lip service to her regularly.
I basically just needed a
I basically just needed a vent. Thats all. I'm irritated over this whole situation because I've seen SO put himself out there and over extend himself for SD only to get bitten by her. And I'm tired of watching the person I love hurt because of her and her mother. So I get a little aggravated when the comments I get simply get on his case for doing something wrong. Because that's his asshole ex. She can be crude and abusive but if he does one little thing wrong it is all about that. I didn't really care if anyone commented until I got those comments. And one person in particular got all of their comments deleted because they never bring anything constructive to the table.
Ideally, no SD would not be in the middle of any of it. But SD demands to be treated like a grown up so SO is treating her as such. His kid. Not mine. Whatever. It's not my job to tell him how to parent his kid. In addition, GUBM an SD are demanding that for SO to have a relationship with them that I have to leave. And that's not happening.
They have no court ordered anything. A lawyer told him that given SD's age and all the idiocy of both GUBM and SD, that he is better off not dragging her to court for anything so that he can just stop paying support whenever the hell he wants. It still leaves room for GUBM to take him to court but, funny, she never has. Even with all the times she has cried poverty and tried to manipulate more money out of SO, she never has.
The our family wizard thing, from what I understand, is expensive. And useless in our case because GUBM doesn't have Internet or a working computer because she decided it was best for SO to be unable to Skype with SD.
Yep. Sometimes, no matter
Yep. Sometimes, no matter what, there won't be a solution to a problem. But that's ok I guess. SO laughs every time I tell him to choose more wisely the next time he wants to have a kid. He laughs because he and I both know he wants to have a kid with me.
And my biggest fear is that SD is beyond repair. She's had four years of GUBM bullying me behind my back and, unfortunately, there was a long time where SO didn't get what was going on an a few times he threw me under the bus in front of SD. He is hugely remorseful for all of that now and has vowed to improve - which he has. But I feel as long as SD is under GUBM's care, she's never going to improve herself. All she is doing is wasting every last bit of potential she has. And wrecking her relationship with her father to boot.
Attempting. . Don't feel bad
Attempting. . Don't feel bad there are certain posters that I delete as soon as I see the name because they never have anything useful to offer. Been here for years and I have seen the name changes by the same people. I know your story and I know what you're dealing with. There are times when you have to document the situation and step back. Everyone also has their own way of doing things. Anyone who has read your posts should know you two have made your decision period and need to get over it.
Btw anon and lemons I've
Btw anon and lemons I've never seen either of you plain out bully. I e don't delete people for disagreeing we delete them for bullying big difference
Yep. There are specific
Yep. There are specific people who I will not engage but will just delete. The only reason I engaged one of them in one of my own comments was to let them know that they can post as many comments as they like but that I will still just keep deleting them off of here. I never feel bad over ignoring trolls on here. On the contrary, I usually feel bad about engaging them because that just makes them happy and gives them the attention they crave.
I like to post on here regardless of whether I get comments or not. SO appreciates it because it lets me vent it out without having to halt our lives to fixate on SD.
And while I do appreciate feedback from people, sometimes I just don't need or want any. Especially any feedback that is overly critical of SO's choices. It's his kid. He will parent her the best that he can. And that's a hard thing to do when dealing with GUBM. She resists anything he has ever tried. So it's really like he is dealing with two teenagers.
With that said, thanks for the support FML. This isn't an easy situation at all. Certainly not for SO and by proxy me. I just want him to be happy and to have the relationship he wants with his daughter. It's just so frustrating that they're basically telling him the only way he can do that is without me.