I have to say Im actually quite pleased right now in my StepSituation!!! After 3 long years- I feel we are Finally making real progress in changing the behavioural problems with SS11. Theres been quite a few changes that DH Has made- which is really starting to make real & true progress!!! Yay!!! I am thrilled & happy that DH has started to really open his eyes & see his childs problems. Let me tell you- its refreshing to say the least!!

When a DH like mine, whos guilty parenting, has caused so much rift in our lives, starts to realize - that what theyve done has NOT done their kids any favors & starts to change it to better not only their lives & marriage? Its quite a revelation!!!! But. Its also a hard hard thing to change. The kids will NOT be happy about it at first- and will buck back at any chance they can. But. DH IS changing things & my feelings for him are also growing again cause he no longer looks like hes a spineless wonder! Being a 'Man in Charge' is actually quite a big turn on!!

DH & I talked with the boys about appropriate physical boundaries this weekend. Sadly SS11 feels its a challenge/quest/competition for DHs affection! He will do Anything he can to totally dominate DH. This has caused alot of problems in our Blending Family. Not only does it displace Me in our household- but it also causes a big problem for my other 2 SSs (9 & 14). If DH sits beside one of them (or Me) SS will either push his way inbetween them ot he will blatently annoy the crap outta them (or me) so that we will leave & he then gets DH to himself. The boys got a chance to tell their Dad how that feels!!!! DH really truly listened to them & heard from them how its really affected them!

I know Ive taken some flack from a few here, on these boards- thinking I was "jealous" of SS in some capacity-- but that couldnt be farther from the truth. The other kids would confide in me & tell me how much it hurt them too. They (and I) saw it as straight up Favoritism!!! I was thrilled that they got the chance to have an honest, real convo & got their feelings out in the open!! Its been 3 years of this nonstop for all of us involved!!

SS11 admitted in our family meeting that he Does feel its 'like a game' to try to dominate DH. When asked "why" by DH- SS11 said "its fun & why not?" DH finally heard it all for himself!
!!! You could see the "wheels" turning. DH apologized to his boys & told them that from now on- things will be different and he promised to spend more one on one time with each of them when they come. You could tell the boys were really happy with that & relieved to hear that DH wanted to do that for them all. DH told SS that hes too old to be so clingy & possesive witn him & that being held like a baby/toddler just isnt appropriate for a almost 12 yr old boys whos in puberty already. He also told SS11 that he should have stopped this ultra clingy behaviours a long long time ago!!! I think we will still have alot of resistance with SS11, but atleast DH has his rose colored glasses off & is going to not feel bad telling SS to knock it off.

I was also able to tell SS11 that him trying to compete with me & trying to get DH & I in fights needed to stop as well. He completely admitted to DH that he tries to hurt me intentionally or get DH mad at me---cause it gets him more Attention from DH!!!!!!! I always knew this to be the case, but DH didnt believe me!!! So I was glad SS11 was admitting it!!! We talked about some events in the past that SS had instigated & he was honest and told his dad he lied & made it all up!! DH looked shocked & a bit mortified at just how far SS has taken this. & mortified that be allowed all this to keep taking place!!! At one point DH cried. I hate seeing him cry, but I think it was perhaps a good thing. I know Ive sure cried a ton because it hurt me so much that DH would allow his kids to hurt me so deeply. Lets just say DH realized alot!!

We explained to SS11 that theres No competion between us. We have 2 very different typed of love & DH loving me as his Wife doesnt take away one ounce of love he has for his son. We talked with him about how people need boundaries, esp physical boundaries & that he doesnt need to be touching DH at all times. He admitted that he also tries to dominate his Mother as well away from her new DH. That he also tries to cling to her-- BUT-- BM didnt allow it!!!! Bingo!! We asked him what BM said or did. He said she told him that she wasnt putting up with it & she makes him move or get off of her. I knew it!!! BM has tried to tell us she doesnt have these kind of problems for darn near 3 yrs!!!! Ha!!!! He said he used to lie to his mom & make up stories about his Stepdad but he got into big trouble for it so he stopped.

DH told all his kids that he will obviously be affectionate still with them. Cuddles on occasion, hugs & kisses and so forth. The family meeting ended on a good note & I think the boys are relieved & happy to know that he loves them all equally & doesnt favor SS11 more then them. This morning SS9 & DH watched Basketball together and were having a great time without SS11 throwing fits over it. It was a Great site to see. I read my morning online stuff while they got some bonding time in!!!!! Couldnt be happier!