Do you ever think that if the big things were addressed, small things wouldn't bother us as much?

Do you think that if Dads addressed the big issues and did things to address them, like the skids $hitty treatment of us and disrespect to us and others, and actuallty held them to some standards, small things (like the nicknames these dads have for their kids) wouldn't bother us as much?

The blog about dads calling their daughters sweetheart, honey, etc., got me to thinking about this. To be honest, I don't mind that DH calls the girls honey & sweetheart. But he holds them to standards as to how to treat everyone.

Anon2009's blog
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yes, i do think this. fdh

yes, i do think this. fdh always thought i was blowing a gasket over one thing. like sd stealing my chapstick, or leaving salad dressing sit in her room for hours. if he had dealt with her getting into things that didn't belong to her and enforced the rules of eating in the kitchen and picking up after yourself, i might not have gotten so irate. but it happened over and over again, and he never did a damn thing,never saw what the big deal was. and she just ate it up.

I agree - when the big things

I agree - when the big things go by the wayside, the little things tend to just add up and up and eventually become big things!

I hear ya. Why is it when it

I hear ya. Why is it when it comes to what's important to SM, DH's have to 'explain' 'discuss' respect for SM? Why can they not insist on it or demand it, no arguments or debates.

Yes absolutely. I had a total

Yes absolutely. I had a total meltdown when SS disregarded my request he finish his laundry Saturday night, (he stays home all weekend) because I plan on doing it first thing Sunday morning.

Eating breakfast at 10am Sunday morning, SS tells his dad, not me of course cause I am a piece of furniture, that he still has one more load to do. I completely lose it and I yell at the top of my lungs for 20 mins. I get into the shower and I'm still yelling, SO has to come in and try to calm me down. I told him how tired I was of being disregarded by SS and tired of SO refusing to enforce rules when he didn't think they were important, even if I did.

That was a bad day.

Yelling from the shower

Yelling from the shower reminds me of the time I locked myself in the bathroom and sat on the closed toilet lid to get away from a "she's not my mom, you can't side with your girlfriend..." fight. I got so mad I found myself yelling from the toilet.

Actually, I think if the

Actually, I think if the small things were taken care of.... there wouldn't be any big things at all...

Yes, i remember getting very

Yes, i remember getting very angry over small things-like ss coming downstairs wanting to know whether there was peanut butter hidden in my room. I got so angry because I was half naked when he marched down there-in an area of the house that was off limits to him and supposed to be locked since he has a fetish for stealing my underwear. If his bizarre sexual issues had perhaps been adequately addressed him coming downstairs asking for peanut butter probably would nt be a big deal. But, he also had a problem with hoarding and gorging on food, so yes, some of our food items had to be hidden if anyone else wanted to eat them-but again if the issues of his hoarding and gorging had actually been addressed then him asking for peanut butter again would not be a big deal.

However, what ss himself saw and what even dh saw was the crazy sm going psycho because the kid wanted some peanut butter. I swear I lived in crazy land back then.

They have that saying 'the

They have that saying 'the straw that broke the camel's back': where so much has been piled on that the thing that eventually causes collapse is relatively tiny. I definitely think that the stresses of step parenting are cumulative; it's the build up of stuff, some large, some small, which you either have to feel stressed about dealing with, or stressed about not dealing with.

Then there's the fact that all the stress and annoyance is magnified when you are at odds with your partner.If DH deals with something promptly and well, it relieves pressure. You feel supported and problems feel manageable. You are less irate and can tolerate the little irritations. If he doesn't, you get a build up of resentment which magnifies every little annoyance and problem. When I lost it with SS14 because he was moaning about having to help with dinner, it was because he had been ignoring his chores for months and DH had been apathetic about dealing with it.