People posting "passive aggressive" or pity posts on social media really... it won't have the result you intend..  In fact, it can actually cause further estrangement as people feel like they are being called out publicly.. creating even more hard feelings.

And, getting mad at YOU for trying to help preserve a shred of his dignity.. well.. we really know he is mad at himself at his kids..at his mom.. but you are the convenient in person target.

Oh yes. This brings back memories. DH would have what I called "slumps" and totally withdraw, act pissy and almost shun me. I got the brunt of it. They were always sudden and I could never connect them to anything. Over the years the slumps became more frequent and longer-lasting. The last one was two years and I almost walked. I found out after trying hundreds of times to talk to DH about these slumps or crying an ocean of tears that the reason I got the brunt of it was that DH felt he always had to be "up" for the kids. Apparently, it was perfectly OK to not be up for me.

I also found out after many years that DH's slumps were depressive episodes that were triggered by either something heinous one or both the SKs did or if one or both SK was in a mood. I've spoken about this before on this site and the episodes were always in response to rotten behaviour because DH would have rather be in a major depressive episode than to address the SKs no matter how heinous of an act they pulled. 

When DD24 was around 11, I took her on a tip because I started to refuse to put life on hold or overfunction to "fix" myself to try to end DH's episodes. DH realized after one major trip I took DD on that as long as he acts the way he does he misses out. He did not like missing out on such a trip with DD. The more I carried on with life and followed through with plans, especially ones that included DD and SS, the more DH realized that he was going to lose out on times with two of his kids and possibly lose his wife. He hasn't had such an episode in years. He knows I will not tolerate it. 

"You're acting like a child DH."

"How dare you call me a child."

"Well I'd rather call you a little bitch, but I figured child was nicer."

Buzzards circle looking for evidence of weakness or injury. When that evidence surfaces, they assault and eviscerate the weak.  Even when the one expressing the sentiment is right and the buzzards are the reprehensible carrion eaters that they are, the weak, lame, and lazy onlookers will buy into the buzzard's broadcasts and pile on to consume the carcass of the caring.

So, rather than sending weakly presented sentiment, to try to deal with the buzzards and their hatchlings, it is far more effective to  assault the toxic  buzzards and their fledglings with the overwhelming forces of legal violence, financial violence, social violence  in the form of facts, truth, accurate history and beat them into submission. Any time they stick their noses out to sniff for carrion,  immediate overwhelming consequences.  If the buzzarldings gain some clarity and reach out to reconcile then embrace them, dump them in a scalding bath of clarity and scrub the stench off of them.  But never tolerate any stench they may embrace from the buzzard parent.

Sadly, when a SParent/Spouse is targeted by their weak partner rather than that weak partner accurately targeting the problem, the SParent/Spouse has to bring clear pain to bear on their weak willed mate grabbing them proverbially by the scruff of the neck, shoving their nose in the stench that the weak mate should be confronting, and keeping their eyes on the reality that they are avoiding rather than tolerating the weak will mate targeting their own spouse.  Loving someone, supporting someone, and partnering with someone does not ever mean being weak willed and targeted by the person we have chosen to make a life with. E.V.E.R!  If we are to have their backs, we must demand that they have ours and maintain a spine in dealing with any bullshit.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

IMHO of course.

Extremely common.  SM is the easy target.  If only they would listen to what Rags stated.   Nope!  Guilty Daddy always projects onto SM thinking: "I could go back to kissing BM/Skid hiney and everything would be peaceful and wonderful if it weren't for pesky SM getting in the way."

IOW SM should be a good little door mat and welcome the rotten treatment by the failed first family as well as secondary status by Guilty Daddy.

To some extent, yes!

SS14 is clearly more attached to his mom. He still lives here every other week, but neither of us will be surprised if he, at some point, asks to live with her full time. Why not? She's the Disney parent and we're boring.

DH doesn't get super depressed, but he can get glum and moody when he's presented with yet another reminder that he's not the preferred parent.

He often laments his lack of connection with SS and sometimes he projects that onto me: "You don't connect with him." "Your family doesn't connect with him." "Everything you say about him is negative."

Thing is, all those statements apply just as much, if not more, to him. I started pointing that out and it actually shut him up. But he's not in an emotional tailspin, so it's easier for him to hear and accept.

I remember the periodic moodiness over the skids when they were younger and PAS was in force. DH didn't do social media, but I'd sometimes hear him sound so...unhappy when he was on the phone with them, so sad, so longing. I wanted to vomit because the "face" he was showing them was so...weird, so not part of his daily life, like begging for them to feel sorry for him or something. I knew BM was eating that up. He was feeding into her PAS game. He grew out of that, thank god--because it was not attractive at all. I'd be the bad guy, of course, if I mentioned that.