Easter Visitation, sigh
It's been a joy I must confess not having SD here for the amount of months that she refused her visitation. No drama , other then the drama MIL tries to bring in the house after talking to BM and SD14. This Easter is a long weekend with the kids having off Friday and Monday, I had a gut feeling that BM would try to get SD to come on a long weekend, it's not DH weekend. We have plans to go to my sisters house on Saturday to do a Easter egg hunt for the little kids ( my Bio son will be with his dad ) . Well SD texted DH asking if she could come for Easter, siggghhhhhh! I hope she wouldn't be here the long weekend and I don't think he should have to drive half way to meet BM when it's not his weekend. I'm gonna let DH know that SD wants to come then BM should drive all the way. Ohhh also last weekend BM drove into town ( 3hour) to see her mom. SD texted DH she was in town, did SD mention anything about seeing her dad? Nope! Maybe she was waiting for DH to beg for get to come by but instead he said "ok well I miss you " I was shocked lol
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DH: "you have every right to
DH: "you have every right to be here- on your scheduled time. Not this weekend but let's plan on the weekend after. We're done flip flopping as our family needs an established routine, not making life decisions/altering plans on the whim of an adolescent."
This is DH's opportunity to take back his power. His foolish if he lets this slide.
... and if ANYONE (BM, MIL,
... and if ANYONE (BM, MIL, SIL, etc) has anything to say about it- the only thing he needs to tell them is that custody schedules exist for a reason. MIL and SIL need not involve themselves in a situation that does not involve them.
Infact- I might go after MIL and SIL with guilt. "Honestly, I'm sad for DH that his own mother and sister wouldn't support him through such a difficult and traumatizing experience with BM. You giving her an audience only enables her behavior and as DH's wife it's sad to watch his own mother and sister undercut him."
Omg and here come freaking
Omg and here come freaking MIL again !!! She is texting DH today say that SD wants to come this weekend "to with us " I knew it, I knew that this was all BM and MiL. I knew the since MIL was talking to SD last Saturday Sad would cry to MIL how All the sudden she wants to come! This is exactly why DH needs to tell MiL to butt out ! If MIL wants SD to come then she can get her, I bet SD only wants to come So she can push us on going over there where she can be treated like the only child . As far as I know I have not heard any plans from MIL for Easter at all! Ugh this annoys me to no end
So ignore her. Does your dh
So ignore her. Does your dh get what's happening?
No he does not and it's just
No he does not and it's just creating more issues instead of just saying "it's not my weekend" he made Up some lie to his mom that he has a photo job Friday and he doesn't know if he can reschedule... this leaves things open for debate. DH also texted SD the same thing he said " I have a photo shoot in trying to see if I can reschedule to get you but I plan on going to your game April 7 and it's about 4-5 hours away so that would be too much driving and gas to do on both weekends" so it's not getting the point across that hey SD it's not your weekend or even "BM needs to do all the driving if you wanna come" ugh this man I swear to god! I feel this is more MIL pushing all this . And guess what happened which I knew would happen, MIL said "I can pick her up" . This whole thing is DH fault for one, not telling his mom to butt out as I told him to do in the first place and for not stating "it's not my weekend "
"It's not my weekend- or any
"It's not my weekend- or any of your concern." With all due respect- what DH allows is what will continue. You absolutely have a DH problem. This man needs to grow a pair in a bad way.
If I were you I'd guilt the shit out of MIL and SIL about not including their other grandkids. Beat them at their own game. Oh you're taking SD on a solo trip? When do you think you'll be able to do the same for kid A, B, or C?
EDIT- I might actually call MIL if I were you. Lay it on THICK. How can she continue to talk with a woman who called her other grandchildren a littler? MIL needs a good dose of her own medicine. If she has no problem talking with BM then she should have no problem talking with her ACTUAL DIL.
Ugh yes I could not agree
Ugh yes I could not agree more. It's getting really out of hand. SD needs to stopping running to MIL and MiL needs to butt out and more important DH needs to be more direct with them! Does MIL plan on taking her back home too? Like seriously this shit needs to end . It's not SD weekend end of story and if he wants to have her here when it's not his weekend I should be able to keep my BS12 home as well since I know he actually wants to be here . sD prob just wants to come and hang out with MIL and SIL , she said she wants to come be with US ( not really here with DH and her siblings )
She probably wants an Easter
She probably wants an Easter basket full of makeup and skims...
Lmao!!! That's another thing,
Lmao!!! That's another thing, I made baskets for all my kiddos and I did not make her one so that's just another thing for her to feel "left out about " lord .... I really hope DH tells MIL just NO and it's finale
I told him , DH is not your
I told him , DH is not your weekend and on top on that you are expected to drive half way to meet BM when it's not your weekend? I pointed out that I will not have my bio son as well even tho I would like him to be here on Easter . Of course I knew DH was gonna say " well I haven't seen SD14 in a while and she is the one asking to come" . SD has her last game next weekend in a city that is 4 hours from us , it's his weekend also so I gonna trll him he needs to pick when one he wants to do because that's too much driving to do for 2 weekends straight. I was gonna suggest that if SD want to come this weekend then BM need to drive here to drop her off and drive here to get her... it seems fair
You're nicer than I am... I'd
You're nicer than I am... I'd be inclined to hold firm given her history. You come on your weekends or not at all. Simple. Straightforward. No mixing words. The expectation is clear to everyone. Under normal circumstances I think some degree of flexibility is okay but not with this BM/SD...
Right and he knows this
Right and he knows this already, we stick to the schedule. He even said "I wanted to talk to you about it first " and I said it's not your weekend so that should have been that or else what is the point in talking with me about it first ... what all because SD finally decided to text him ( I think this was BMs idea BTW) and say she wanted to come for Easter , when she didn't even wanna see him for Christmas or whenever she is in town? I don't why DH continues to make excuses for her , I know that now she has not been coming because of her games but there have been a weekends in between that she didn't come on her weekend not because of a game. And she was not coming before her season even started . And if he plans on driving 4 hours to see her play in 2 weeks and 4 hours back then really the driving this coming weekend and then to drop her off even if it's half way is too much. I told him that if SD wanted to come and it's not his weekend then BM needs to drive her all the way here then all the way back home again. Also i told him if wouldn't be fair to my bio son12 who I'm sure wants to be with us Saturday when we see my sister and his cousins for the egg hunt but he will be with his dad because it's not my weekend. DH was just like " I would really like to see her, it's been a while " it's like yea tell her then next time she comes in town and doesn't even bother to see you . DH made a excuse that he was busy anyways that day. I said no you weren't , we were home cleaning all day and grilling .
Interruptions like this was
Interruptions like this was why I myself stopped "helping" DH plan when we couldn't have a plan because one/both of the SDs would suddenly want to come to our home. After one too many cancellations or interruptions in our plans (because no one was sticking to the schedule and we don't want to tell the SDs "no" when it's been weeks and weeks since he's seen them, again, because they chose not to) I just told him straight up that I was no longer going along with the SDs plans on whims and interrupting my weekends. If I had plans I was going anyway. If we had plans together I'd go without him.
After several times experiencing me doing things on my own he's actually either told YSD no, it's not a good weekend, or let her know that she can come but that we have X event to go to when she's there. He had one lapse over the holidays that I wasn't happy at all about and that he wore thick rose blinders for, in order to forget what we planned after I gave him several reminders (and she was with us for a week!), but overall he's better. He COULD go to her and take her out for lunch/dinner or something but she hates restaurants and going out into public, so there's not much they can do until the weather gets better at this point.
Nope. The schedule is the
Nope. The schedule is the schedule. No hormonal pubescent child can be allowed or tolerated to manipulate like this. I would bet that BM has plans that do no include SD. Beyond that, this has nothign to do with SD wanting to visit.
Shedule, schedule, schedule, sehcdule.
Nothing but the schedule. This is par for the course for a manipulative CP using their kid to interfere in the life of the CP's X.
IMHO of course.
This is classic BM because BM
This is classic BM because BM use to pull this for every holiday when she lived near us. "Oh I don't have anything planned so SD would have more fun with you guys anyways" . I can't imagine SD wanting to come for Easter when she has not been wanting to come since before Halloween, SD prob really wants to come just to go over to MiL house and SIL house so they can plan their little vacation with her, yup they are going on vacation again ... just them SIL,MIL, DH niece and SD I'm sure . But the manipulation move on SD to ask daddy "can I come for Easter" ...
If she comes, no going to
If she comes, no going to granny's or aunty's. She can sit her ass in her room at your place and brood. Then, when she is on her way back to BM's daddy needs to tell her, that there will be no more missing visitations and no more granny and aunty time on his time.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
DH is using the old " I just
DH is using the old " I just wanna see my kid, I have not seen her in months" my aguement is this is not your fault DH ! Ugh
He could always say, "you're
He could always say, "you're welcome to come, but I am unable to pick you up or drop you off." I suspect she wouldn't come, unless BM has plans. That used to always happen to us, BM wanted to go away with whatever SO she had at the time, so the skids would be spending non-scheduled holidays with DH. It essentially meant I could never see my family for holidays since it required travel. Then when we would travel, MIL would invite skids over for holidays and then they would all complain about how DH wasn't spending the holiday with skids (even though he wasn't supposed to have them!). This year, it actually was DH's year for Thanksgiving, but BM wanted them because her current boyfriend had his kids, so they all played happy family over Thanksgiving. What non-stepparents fail to acknowledge is that it's impossible to make plans if you're always just waiting to see if someone will show up or not. For example, one SS has not shown up at our house for over 6 weeks. He has not responded to any messages from DH, so are we just supposed to spend every weekend wondering if he'll come by? Our house is not a hotel. I'm sure MIL will invite skids for Easter (and not tell DH). I dread all holidays since becoming a stepmom, which stinks for my kids, because they should be able to have some enjoyment.
In my court mind: this might
In my court mind: this might not be his weekend but is it his holiday? I think holiday schedules supersede the weekend schedules.
My regular mind: You already made plans and arranged for your kid to be with their other parent so if I were you, I'd say no but you can come the weekend before or the weekend after.
If he doesn't have a court order outlining the schedule - Stick to your original plans and/or hope your DH is wise enough to stay on board with whatever you feel is fair to do.
If he is wise (and legally able to) he will get his kids when you have yours and vice versa so that y'all can have time as a couple to build your marriage during the limited kid-free moments
The way it is outlined in the
The way it is outlined in the CO is if the holiday falls on NON custodial parent time he can split the holiday with BM if she is in agreement. BM would not wanna split due to the distance . We do have my bio son and SD14 on the same visitation schedule so yes it would be unfair for my bio son to miss Easter with us . Really I guess I should split it with my ex prob but it's not that big of a deal. I did tell DH that I will not have my bio son so we need to keep the plans the same . But I also did tell him if SD wants to come BM needs to do all the driving since it's outside of his weekend
To be honest.. since she just
To be honest.. since she just missed what could be seen as a "family trip".. and I think it meant she may have missed some of her time with him.. I don't think that this is out of the question for her to want to come that day.. and for dad to do at least part of the driving for the pickup.. meet halfway perhaps?
I do get that it was your Sister's vacation invite.. but she just saw her dad and her other siblings go on vacation.. it might be reasonable to make up that a bit with seeing him on easter.
I do get you would prefer he not see her when it's not "his time".. but it sounds like a decent amount of his time has been missed for one reason or another (I know including her declining to come.. but also some that is on him).
SD does not know about our
SD does not know about our trip to Florida . And also I wouldn't be as bad but for his weekend we are driving to see her play and it will be a whole weekend event and the driving will totals to 9 hours so I just don't want to be doing so much driving this weekend ( half way is 2 hours both ways then again 4 hours at drop off) and then turn around and do another long driving the following weekend . My car is being used for all this driving so it sucks a bit
Stand your ground
SD has weeks to come. It's your weekend. You made plans. SD doesn't control what happens in your home. You dohr need DH drive 6 hours to pick up SD. More like 8 Horus a whole day. You have places to be at, people to see, you don't need SD screwing them up. There next weekend.
My feelings exactly . Her
My feelings exactly . Her season with volley ball is ending next weekend so she SHOULD be coming on her weekends , I'll hold my breath to see if she actually does .
Our CO made holidays easy.
Our CO made holidays easy. DW got them all. Except July 4th. Which she could get as the CO stipulated that DW got 10days of SpermLand visitation with SS any time after the first 2wks of their 5wk summer visitation. The remaining time of their visitation finished after DW returned SS to them following her 10 days. But, SpermGrandHag would go silent on that and DW was never able to take her 10 days. To completely take July 4 off of the table, SpermGrandHag would not start summer visitation early enough for the first two weeks of their summer visitation to clear prior to July 4. No big deal.
DW got every Dec 25. On Even years winter visitation started the day school was out until Dec 24. Odd years winter visitation was Dec 26 until the day before school started.
Holidays were basically easy.
Of course the Hag would rant and gnash her teeth about TG and Xmas. "No! Read the CO." solved that.
Just because SD wants doesn't
Just because SD wants doesn't mean SD gets...
Ditto for her father.
She comes during her allotted time. End of story. She doesn't get to mess with anyone else's plans.
Right and we are arguing
Right and we are arguing about it because I am saying he has a visitation schedule for a reason. SD has not been coming for a lot of reasons some is because her games fall on his weekend but some because she doesn't want to come and it has been that way since before her games started. Also it's a lot of driving to do in 2 weekends if he wants to see her play on his actual weekend . He is using the "I wanna see my kid" ok well let your kid know she needs to come when she is suppose to or when BM comes into town it would be nice for SD to try to see DH but she doesn't . I fully agree that just because SD wants, SD gets , this is the major issue with SD because she usually gets what she wants. I honestly don't even think it's her idea to come on Easter , I think MIL made this suggestion because I know MIL was talking to her over the weekend
"I wanna see my kid"
"I wanna see my kid"
"DH, for goodness sake, GROW UP. You'll see her next weekend."
Right ! He will literally see
Right ! He will literally see her the next weekend and then the visitations should resume as normal since she won't have any games
Always follow the court order
Always follow the court order.
DO not ask for changes and do NOT offer changes.
It is that simple.
The games you all play and
The games you all play and deal with are nauseating.
When is anyone going grow up and adult instead of being game playing non adults?
smh
Right. If DH said "it's not
Right. If DH said "it's not my weekend " it should have been the end but he continues to make excuses and not put his foot down.... it's gonna be interesting weekend
Yep
"It's not my weekend and we already have plans; I'll take a raincheck."
To MIL: "Mother, not sure why you feel the need to be an agent for BM and SD; please stop getting involved... you don't know the whole story. "
Yup done and done . We had
Yup done and done . We had this talk before about his mother getting involved where she shouldn't and he knows it too. I don't know why he would rather make up a excuse then tell her the truth . He has not responded yet to her asking she could pick up SD. But I think I feel a talk coming on for DH and I .
She probably
Knows it is a fake excuse. The truth wound be better.