I would smack Crazy with a contempt motion if SD is not delivered per the schedule. Every time.  I would let SD know that she is welcome to come early since her mother is more interested in riding her BF on a Fuck weekend than caring for her.  I would also be engaging with SS to come regardless of if SD comes or not as it is not his responsibility to supervise his manipulative dumb ass sister. (Using nicer words of course)

If  I were your DH I would also inform this not really batshit crazy  but attention seeking and uhinged kid that she will not call him by his first name. She will either refer to him as Dad, Father, or Mr. Last Name and he will not respond if she chooses otherwise.

Keep backing her idiot ass into a corner until she either catches a clue or her head explodes and she gets hauled off straight jacketed in the back of the padded van for an extended stay with Nurse Ratchet at the happy acres home for  the not really mentally ill manipulative progeny of people like Crazy.

She is a look at meeeeeee attention seeking POS kid. Nothing more.

IMHO of course.

what a snotty little brat. 

Someone needs to remind her that tik tok in not real life. In real life we don't act the way she is. She's being an entitled, lying, out of control brat. Her mom made the monster, let her deal with it. 

Honestly, were I you, I'd be very scared to have her in your home w/ out constant video recording. She's already lying, imagine the lies she'd come up w/ if she were at your home. 

I would not want SD in my house after she made claims that DH is a domestic abuser. No one can ever be alone in that house with SD. Given how bad things are, I think it would be best to let SD stay at Crazy's and your DH can tell her his door is always open. If or when the time comes that SD wants visitation with her dad he can gradually rebuild the relationship by taking visitation outside the home and in public places. I would also insist on family therapy for DH and SD as a condition of her wanting to re-establish visitation with Dad again. She made wild claims that could very negatively impact a lot of people. She needs to learn the gravity of her claims. 

I’m sorry your DH is going through this; it really is the worst.  My DH had custody of his Spawn because her mother is a drug addict.  Things were never great because she had been PASed pretty much since birth, but when Spawn was around 16 things just got insane.  One day DH was at work and gets a screaming phone call from Spawn about how he’s sending her mom to prison, and she hopes he’s happy with himself.  DH had zero clue what was going on, so he went home to try and talk to Spawn.  Basically Meth Mouth had been arrested on a DUI and was facing 30 days in prison….we knew about the DUI but that was it.  Meth Mouth called Spawn from court crying saying how DH arranged all of this…..sure!  So, DH is trying to talk to Spawn and be rational and Spawn is just texting with Meth Mouth the whole time about what a liar he is and the lies he’s telling her.  DH tried to pull up the court record to show Spawn and she screamed that the internet is all lies, then goes off on him about having all the cops in his pocket and how her boyfriend (a 23-year-old man we didn’t want her dating) had gotten a ticket for talking on his phone while driving.  She then goes on to tell DH he set that up and made sure the BF23 was targeted by all his police friends.  DH just sat there and listened to Spawn ramble on and on about all this crap that was just ridiculous.  He finally told her that obviously nothing he said was going to make a difference and ended the conversation.  Fast forward to years later, DH and Spawn are estranged.  They did meet up for dinner last year to see if things could be “repaired”, all Spawn did that whole dinner was dredge up shit and how DH was this evil person who ruined her, and her mom’s lives and has all the cops in his pocket….it was the same crap.  So just be prepared it never ends once they are this far gone.

The more you post, the more familiar your situation sounds to ours with OSD when she was in her teens. Right down to the hysterics on the phone, the screaming, and the unhinged texts. I'm sorry, because I know it's both painful and infuriating to have a kid lash out like that for seemingly no reason. I think you said she has a therapist? I'd be curious to know how experienced that therapist is and if they're validating this type of behavior. It's so hard to know how to handle everything, but it seems evident that BM doesn't really want your SD full time, probably because she's a nightmare. She just wants the satisfaction of being the favorite parent while still having the convenience of dumping SD on y'all any time she wants to. 

In our case, OSD had a therapist who was barely 24 years old and still under professional supervision. OSD liked her because she was "cool" but the therapist had zero experience and she reacted emotionally to OSDs emotions, further convincing OSD that she was in fact a victim of neglect. It was a complete mess. What turned it around was her being committed to an inpatient program where she saw real, qualified therapists and psychiatrists. She started an mood stabilizer and an antidepressant, and that changed everything. Now she has a real therapist who she sees regularly - she is still an emotional person who has a tendency to over-dramatize everything, but she's at least able to distinguish fantasy from reality and work through conflict like a reasonable human now. 

That sucks for DH, but you definitely need to protect yourselves. She sounds a LOT like Feral Forger SD24almost25.

She would always twist the truth around like a pretzel, repeating it with odd details and spins, and then continues repeating to anyone that will listen.

Lie: I told her she was ugly. Truth: one night I told her she needs to be nicer to everyone, and stop being so mean. She gets mad and proceeds to yell at me telling me Im ugly cursing etc.

Lie: her father abused her emotionally and physically truth: her father yelled at her, sure, but he also took care of her, and carted her around because she had no interest in driving, bought her what she needed because no interest in job. She kept herself in hr room a lot. Was drugged up by mothers drs.

And so on.

Your SD is too far gone. Who knows if she will ever come back. Thats very sad, but Im glad that your dH is seeing how it is and responding appropriately.

EXACTLY what happended with my OSD, different people, different location, different subjects but SAME AGENDA!  I get it - remember my last post on your last blog?  SAME thing just happened. I hope you and/or DH are keeping all the correspondence saved for a future use. There's just not much you can do at this point. So sad.

Textbook!  BMs and skids all read from the same script.  How biodad is just a sperm donor, how stepDAD is the REAL dad, how skid doesn't feel safe, feels uncomfortable at biodad's house, how bioDAD chooses SM and his "new" family over skid, how SM and biodad are the meanies, don't care, biodad and SM "abused" me, blah blah blah. 

I think most of us here with PASed out skids can tell you their story which will sound word for word what you just posted.

DH will always be the devil until SD or BM need something from him. During those times, he needs to stick to his guns. BM and SD made this mess, they get to deal with it. SD needs to learn that she can't walk all over everyone's boundaries, withhold love as a form of punishment, and abuse the people who are trying to help her. And at the same time, she can't come around or "move on" from the situation when she needs something or it's on her terms. She has burned her bridges and it's going to take significant effort for HER to fix this. DH is doing everything right in this situation by not feeding into it. 

I guarantee if DH groveled for her love and apologized, her tune would have done a complete 180 and she would have been all lovey dovey with him because he was giving her attention. It is not DH's job to resolve this, but we all know he will be damned if he does and damned if her doesn't in BM and SD's eyes. Oh well, their loss!

I would not let SD in my home after she accused me of committing a crime.   You can go to jail if the police believe this.  No she crossed a line that can not be un crossed. 

Damn. It's sad that SD is so unhinged but also oddly satisfying to think of Crazy possibly now not being able to go on her vacay. I agree that it's not safe to have her in your home. Maybe DH can do family therapy with her, meet her for lunch, etc., but the risk of false accusations is just too high.

Your SD reminds me of my SO's niece. Alienated so badly, accused her father and uncle (My SO) of molesting her, secretly recorded all conversations with family and played them back out of context to create drama. At one point her BM couldn't handle her. The BM sent her to my SO's house to visit for a week along with her sister, then went into hiding for an entire summer, stating she could no longer handle the girls. I helped, too, by keeping them at my house for a week. That summer was the turning point for me and led to my disengagement from SO's entire family. Some kids are just hard broke. 

This reads like what my SD14 is going through, only if SD14 talked to my DH like that he would not be entertaining her craziness by continuing to talk to her . Also I don't think it's fair to not see SS because of SD. I would let SS know that you will get him but SD will not be coming due to her behavior. SS should not be punished to baby sit her and BM should be forced to find child care since this is her fault. Put this back on BM , also BM need to come out of the middle and stop hitting up DH for ever little "can you talk to SD" That's exhausting just to hear . Leave both BM and SD 14 out . Let SD know that once she apologizes for her psychotic rant she will be allowed to come back over . 

We have a reverse view on this topic. Same situation, 180*view looking at the same point.

 I am StepDad and I am SS's REAL dad. His BioDad is a POS.  That did not stop SpermGrandHag from playing the PAS cards hard every visitation they bothered to take.  

From very young SS knew that StepDad is the dad married to his mom.  From that same age he also knew that BioDad is the dad that made him with his mom. When they started their PASing "He's not your real dad, he is only your StepDad." he in short order knew that a REAL dad is the dad that loves he and his mom very much, works hard to provide a nice safe home, good food, good schools, safe vehicles to ride in, health insurance, teaches him to read, write, tie his shoes, coaches his sports teams, etc, etc, etc. 

Even at the young single digit ages he had his own that "A StepDad sounds like a real dad to me.".

We made it a point to keep him abreast of the facts to prevent just the kind of thing that so many STalker bio dad SOs are victimized by.  We never isolated SS from the SpermClan.  Had they been able, they would have isolated SS from us in a heartbeat.

IMHO, zero tolerance from this kind of crap has to happen.  If the opposition tries this, they need to never rest, never get a break, and never not be confronted assertively.  The lesson that the SpermClan learned early in our marriage was that games hurt. They hurt legally, financially, socially, and factually.  Factually appied to what SS was introduced to in an age appropriate manner.  They manipulated. SS received the facts that countered their lies and manipulations..  Quid pro quo.  As he got older, and as their PAS, lies, manipulation, etc... piled up he learned their tells and established his own smell test for their crap.  He also started defending himself and calling out their lies, etc... in real time when they pulled their crap when he was in SpermLand for visitation.

Their games did not end when he turned 18 and aged out from under the CO 3mos after he graduated from HS.  The facts had prepared him to protect himself from them as an adult just as he increasingly used the facts to protect him from them as a minor.  He is now 31 doing well in his life, in his community, and in his profession.  They are still toxic. Sadly, his three younger half sibs are crashing and burning because they did not have the facts, they did not have quality adults protecting them from the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool if it is only half of their gene pools.  With my SS, they are the progeny of a common Spermidiot, but the younger three are spawned by two other baby mamas.  They do not have the advantage of having the incredible mother my son has.  Baby mama #2 is the mother of  Spawn #2  who has been on the dole for nearly a decade. Baby mama #3 is the mother of Spawn #3 who is in prison, and Spawn #4 who is not far behind the inmate.

Whatever it takes, these types of toxic people have to be attacked incessently for their toxicity, manipulation, PASing kids, undermining the quality side of a kid's blended family. They and their crap cannot be tolerated.  Kids need to be fully informed on the facts, the crap their shit parent is perpetrating, and be held to a choice to either defend themselves from THEM or ignore reality.  Though from some angles this certainly could be viewed as PAS, it still has to happen. Even if it causes pain for the kids.

Shit is shit, even if it tries to polish itself with PAS, undermining the other parent, etc... Matter how much they polish, the kid needs to see, know, and smell that the toxic side is nothing but shit. It may look shiney, but, it is still just a shiney turd.  And a turd, no matter how shiney, is shit.

IMHO of course.