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Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Sat, 03/02/2024 - 10:53am

I asked DH last night if YSD18 was going to be here this weekend. It's been super sporadic since the beginning of the school year.

He said no. Then he added that he hadn't even contacted her, that if she was coming it was on her to let him know, that he's not going to chase her down.

Huh. This is new.

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Sat, 03/02/2024 - 12:36pm

This trend will continue!

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Sat, 03/02/2024 - 12:54pm

Now that she's 18 and soon leaving home to attend university, your SD has likely outgrown the weekend visits to her dad. All of my 3 children left home at 18, my girls to attend uni and my son to share an apartment with friends when he began a paid apprenticeship.

It’s always a bit traumatic when children leave the nest; worse yet for the non-custodial parent since they typically see their kids less often than the other parent. What may look like a snub to your DH may simply be a case of his daughter maturing. Snub or not, hallelujah!

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Sat, 03/02/2024 - 5:07pm

He's ok with it I think, and he did expect her to not come as much this year. I think what had him irritated is her lack of communication. But you know, I've tried recommending that communication learning start early, when they were kids, and nothing changed, so it is what it is.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sun, 03/03/2024 - 9:13am

The kids get there own life. She most likely has a BF, or going after some guy to be her BF   And spending her weekends going after him.  

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Sun, 03/03/2024 - 4:27pm

Cover, I've always suspected that, by reports of her atypical behaviour, your SD is ‘on the spectrum’. My beloved nephew (my nickname for him; makes him laugh) has Asperger’s and, at age 27, has never dated nor shown the slightest interest in courting. The fact that he’s so blind to social clues may have something to do with it? 

At the risk of making generalizations, it seems to me via all of the reading and other information I’ve gathered to better understand the condition, that even high-functioning autistics have difficulties with romantic relationships. 

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Sun, 03/03/2024 - 6:58pm

Oh I am 100% sure she's on the spectrum and told DH this with certainty about 5 years ago. I was talking with a friend who is a counselor about OSD and she gave me a book on autism in girls to see if it helped. WELL it certainly did!  I told her I was certain nothing fit OSD but YSD checked most all of the boxes of "yes." But it's taken DH until about this past summer to realized gee, maybe she is on the spectrum because he was talking with on of his friends - so yah know, I'm full of sh*t when it comes to the SDs but anyone else....which is why I stay out of it.

YSD doesn't really have "friends" as we know it. She has classmates. She has neighbors near BMs that like to do certain things with her (like build stuff) that are about 1.5 years younger. She is really uncomfortable in social settings, with unknowns, with media (she says it hurts to watch movies or listen to music), etc. She really doesn't understand or respond to nuances of intrapersonal connection and if talking with her, one has to be super clear and not use anything but factual language or it throws her off.  Engineering as a degree, which is what she wants to pursue, is perfect for her.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 03/03/2024 - 11:20pm

Not on the spectrum related, but... my own DW does the "do you know what XYZ things?"

Then she proceeds to tell me XYZ said what I have repeatedly commented to DW in nearly verbatim words to what XYZ said. Never mind that it is something I have said repeatedly for quite some time.

It is now something I remind her about teasingly wien it happens.  

"Honey, what do you think XYZ thinks?"

Then I duck and cover.

Wink

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Mon, 03/04/2024 - 12:43am

What is OSD, Cover? Do you mean, OCD; Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder? My nephew is obsessive about video game programming and is such a whiz-bang that he was accepted into an elite program at university. His grasp of physics and calculus is remarkable yet he is virtually incapable of carrying on a conversation that does not involve his areas of expertise. Being completely focused on such eccentric pursuits does not endear him to neuro-typical people.