Our lives out in the open!
The one thing ( out on many) reasons why I do not being in blender family is because for some reason OUR lives and business is always aired out to everyone by SD14 , MIL and SIL. Some how BM gets word about our lives, purchases, trips and everything which she uses against DH anytime she can. DH did stop sharing a lot of information related to that to SD because it doesn't concern her yet some how SD 14 still knows our business! We recently went out of town . Just DH and I , SIL and MIL had out little and it's was a weekend DH didn't have SD ( not that she comes away) we just took a little over night trip away. Well wouldn't you know that some how SD knew about it, DH did not tell SD as it's non of her business . She used that opportunity to sort of make DH feel bad he was not home because she came into town for her cousins birthday ( she won't come see him but you bet BM drove all 3 hours for her niece b-day) and how SD could have seen him but he wasn't home because he went out of town. Yes, how dares us actually have a life . Well we were at SIL house Sunday and DH let it out we were going to Florida for spring break. It was a mistake but of course MIL and SIL were asking questions about if SD was coming . I made sure to let them know my sister has paid for this trip. SD has a tournament the weekend we are leaving so she can't co
e anyways. Also MIL and SIL have taken SD to Florida 2 times now. ONLY Sd and non of our other children. I know their stop is telling SD since I know they told her we recently went out of town. Ugh it's just annoying that we can never just have something be our business without drama . I know something will be said or drama will be caused over this .
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Spawn lived with us full time
Spawn lived with us full time, so Meth Mouth knew everything. Anytime we went out of town or bought a big purchase item Meth Mouth would drag DH back to court to try and get custody back. It never worked, but yes seven years of in and out of court and of never having any privacy. I used to tell DH my home should be a place where I feel safe and can live my life, instead it was a hellscape of having no privacy, no relief, and no place to escape to. I couldn’t blame him for getting custody of his Spawn, but I did blame him for not standing up and being a damn parent and making sure Spawn respected us in our own home. Thankfully, it sounds like your SD stays gone most of the time. With MIL and SIL I would just throw that on DH “Oh you would need to ask him about that, I don’t manage SD custody issues.”
Yes no privacy what so ever!
Yes no privacy what so ever! BM would make her comments even about purchases I made! You would think even with SD not coming we could have some sort of privacy, yet we still don't
Your husband needs to put the
Your husband needs to put the brakes on the information train. It's not SD's business nor is it the in-laws' business.
I feel your pain. My SS used to tell BM EVERYTHING. It made me super annoyed. We just didn't tell him anything. At some point he drifted away from her, pretty much tossing her out of his life. This was after he got with his wife, who is an updated version of BM. The updated version doesn't use drugs, comes with two college degrees, has a full time job, but tells lies to pit people against each other. The original had a drug problem, was a high school dropout, and wouldn't have a job tasting pies in a pie factory. She would lie to make herself look good and was very much her way or no way.
Step life sucks! So glad I don't have to live it! We don't speak to SS and his She-Devil wife and my blood pressure is much better for it.
I'm a bit of a poop stirrer
I'm a bit of a poop stirrer so I'd make vague mention of a trip to ... Italy in a year or that we were so excited to finally get the info on that cruise we wanted to take. Or I'd leave pamphlets out about trips/cars/additions to the house, etc.
give me something to gripe about.
lol I like this !!!
lol I like this !!!
I'm so glad this isn't my life anymore but it was. Oh it was.
I remember going to Goodwill. I came across two beautiful white eyelet dresses from Ralph Lauren brand new with the tags. I think the dresses were over $100 a piece if purchased retail but I think I got them for $4 each. They brought those dresses home to North Korea and it was, "If you can accord $200 for Ralph Lauren dresses, then you can afford to give me more child support" to their dad. Constant crap like that.
He and I went on a trip to the Keys in like 2011 or 2012 and it was nasty phone calls from the kids guiliting him and crying cause they weren't invited and they weren't told and more of "If you have money to go to the keys then you should give me more child support." The woman got $1000 a month plus half of expenses and that was a lot of money beck in 2010.
UGH!
Chef was bringing home between $60 and $100 a week after non arrears CS mostly bc he volunteered to overpay knowing I could pick up the slack. That's how the courts view it as well. Oh the nightmare!
Your mil and sil are busy
Your mil and sil are busy bodies.
Honestly, this last stunt would be the last one. Communication with them should only be about the weather. Your husband is old enough to know his little OPPSIE sorry, I left it slip about the trip----is b.s.
OR he is so emeshed with his mommy and sister. You won't have privacy because dh needs to tell mommy and sissy about his life. Strange dynamic which they feed off of each other.
Just so you know in case you were wondering, , THAT IS NOT NORMAL.
I can't remember exactly how
I can't remember exactly how it happened but I think it had something to do with our dogs. SIL was talking about this boarding kennel they recently used for their dog and how it was not so great and DH turned to me and said "oh did you ask your nephew about watching our dogs for Florida " I had forgotten again ! Really he was talking to me but SIL heard hIm And asked when we were going . I immediately told her that it was more of a family trip with my sister because she is paying for room and board for us. I told her how DH and I had never been nor our kids, SIL says "really you have never been , we take a family trip there every summer ?!" To which I said "well we must not have been invited because DH and I have never been, that must have been when you only took SD huh?" lol I'm sure they will use this as yet another excuse to continue to isolate SD on their trips and not take our other children because SD is "left out"
With a long distance
With a long distance visitation schedule to SpermLand there was not all that much of this for us to deal with.
SpermGrandHag was one to power PAS SS when he was in SpermLand. This drive some confusion for SS when he was young because what the Hag was spouting did not pass SS's personal experience smell test regarding his real with with his mom and me.
When SS would return home from a visitation initially it was about him getting back to his real life and the behavioral and performance standards in our family. After that, things about his SpermClan visitation would start to come out.
We made it clear to SS that there were no secrets in our family and he could talk about his real life as he chose to talk about it when he was in SpermLand. The same when he got home from SpermLand.
Secrets and intimidation are not healthy for a kid or a family. Even a blended family. Certainly there are things that are not appropriate for kids to be involved in, but.... keeping kids informed in an age appropriate manner is important for the kid and for the family dynamic.
IMHO of course.
We did have some passport drama when SS was a minor. We got his first passport when he was 6yo. All that was necessary was for his mom (my DW) to fill out and submit the application. When we renewed his passport the rules had changed and both BioParents were required to sign the application. What a PITA that was.
First, SpermGrandHag got all stupid that we were stealing him, DW had full physical and legal custody. The SpermClan had only 7wks of visitation per year (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring) which they only took intermittently. At 15 SS was man sized so we wanted him to have a passport for travel identification. It took a while but we did get his new passport.
Tell H
Loose lips sink ships.
They certainly do.
They certainly do.
I had to get on my mom about this after her sharing with her own mother sabotaged several pre planned trips.
Anytime my GM would hear that our family had a trip or vacation planned.... "Oh, you have to come visit me. I won't live much longer and this will be the last time you get to see me....".
Meanwhile nearly two decades later and back at the ranch.... my GM passed a month to the day after her 90th birthday. "Natural causes" which were in reality due to malnutrition because she just stopped eating. At her 90th birthday/20th wedding anniversay celebration she was visiting, dancing, playing with her GGKs, playing cards, argueing with her 9 7 brothers and her sister, shooting basketballs in the church activity bldg. When things were wrapping up, she stood on the stage, thanked everyone for coming, and told everyone she would not see everyone again.
She checked out a month to the day later. Pure stubbornness and control freak manipulation.
For years my mom would cancel trips with my brother and I and our family when my GM would guilt her into visiting my GM instead of enjoying her own family vacations. I sat mom down, got a bit stern with her, and told her that I was done with inviting mom and dad if mom was going to share about the upcoming trip with my GM then let GM guilt her into not going on the trip. Basically I told her she was not allowed to even mention the trip until it was over. At which point mom could share all she wanted with her own mother about how much fun it was, what her own GKs did on the trip, etc, etc, etc....
Surprise!!! Mom not sharing about the upcoming trip ahead of time ended the guilt trip from my GM beyond a short "I wish you had all come to visit me." No time to up the pressure on my mom before hand so we would all have a great time.
Toxic
It's him...he is sharing and
It's him...he is sharing and people share with SD. So.. BM then knows.
i know it's tough.. but he and you both need to be vigilant to not discuss anything around other people.. like SIL or MIL.. or SD.
I am not so certain your DH wouldn't like to shoehorn his child onto this trip.. but you are saying that now there is an activity she has during the trip that would make it imposible for her to go. Those are the breaks I guess..your sister didn't make the trip plans with his daughter in mind obviously..lol.
Your DH is either a idiot
Or he likes dram . Actually his whole family is screw up. SIL didn't forget who sent in trip in the summer. It was great the she took her brothers kid. But she knew you were not there.
But more important. Your sister is paying for your trip. Your DH's kid is nothing to her. And most likely will never be in her life. You are asking. Your kind sister to deal with a stranger. And she wants to spend time with your bio kid. It's not like DH is paying for anything. If he doesn't like it he could stay at home. [by himself / or with his DD ] Nobody as your sister is saying poor SD I just wish she can come. When DH puts on his big boy pants. Saves money instead of giving it to BM. He can pay for a trip for all of you, But DH rather go on this trip then care for his DD. Because he knows SD Will try to control the trip. By getting sick. Not wanting to do anything. Get upset that your sister who is paying kids get what they want to do.
Right , I could strangle DH!
Right , I could strangle DH! And yes SIL knows damn well I was not on the trip, DH was not on the trip and neither were our 3 children DH and I share together ( SIL niece and nephews) and she also knows that yet again our 3 children were not on her family trip out of the country , both trips she only took SD. My sister did not even consider SD coming as a option at all. My sister only invited myself, DH and her nieces and nephews plus her kids and my older nephew from my older sister . So our car ( we are driving ) and house she rented it all booked up and full.
Get ready for SD to invite
Get ready for SD to invite herself.
"Oh, can I come?"
Those people are the worst. I had a friend in late grade school who was one of those. When people ask, they are told no and that they are rude for even asking as they would have been invited if they were to be included.
Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
I can't wait to hear about how relaxing the trip is for DH with SD not present. If he can get out of his own way and not feel guilty about SD not being there. It will invariably be far more enjoyable for you, your LOs and your sister's family.
Right , well she does have a
Right , well she does have a game on the weekend of the 9th which is Saturday and it's DH weekend . Her game is out of town so she normally does not come if she has a game on DH weekend ( well she doesn't come regardless) we leave Monday morning . I just dunno if BM will throw a wrench in our plans if she finds out , I'm sure she would " oh I'm coming into town Sunday , can SD spend spring break with you, se has not spent time with you " I can totally see her doing this, she loves to throw that in there that SD doesn't spend time with DH when it's not even DH fault that SD doesn't come around . DH has made no mention at all of SD coming so maybe he knows it's not appropriate to invite her to something my sister is funding
Then she'll stay at home with
Then she'll stay at home with her dad and they can bond. Might make them both think twice about bulldozing an invite.
Say no, SD got her chance to
Say no, SD got her chance to go to FL with you... this time the other kids will get a chance to go given they were left out before...