Get out of MY marriage!!

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I want to scream that. Mind your own business. Ugh. I hate sharing my husband with a manipulative phony baloney who acts like DH's mother and spouse all rolled into one. Her presence is always there. But she herself never is a participant. What pushed my buttons tonight. Major news story about a place DH and I were at recently. As it happened DH said that M was also texting him about it. Ok. Yeah whatever. I come home late tonight and DH and i discussing it. Says that mini wife was sending him news articles about it during the day. my thoughts were like ......just go away. Stop being so damn enmeshed with my husband. Stop. Stop. Stop. Focus on your own life. What a freaking busy body!!!!!!!
I am so sick of hearing about HER opinion/ input on every aspect of my life. Literally everyday. He tells her every drip of everything all day long. Then he has to tell me what her two cents is. She's over 30 years old with her own husband!! Give it up. DH loves the attention. I hate the third person in my marriage.
Thanks for listening. Tomorrow is a new day. My advice to any newbies. If you are thinking of marrying anyone with kids especially girls enmeshed with fathers run. Run. Run.

I hear you

I'm 79 and DH is 86. .My SD62 has an opinion she expresses about many facets of our life. Cleanliness of our house, his health, our activities, etc. So don't think it will stop as she ages.

The only thing that has cooled it down is DH86 realizing he won't always be around to serve as her ATM, chauffeur, only friend. He's been urging her, in more and more blunt terms, to find somebody, anybody. Her 3 kids are all estranged except that the oldest plugs in sometimes.

So annoying, I know exactly what you mean.

It is unbelievable that this

It is unbelievable that this behavior lasts a whole freaking lifetime!

That sounds so much like my

That sounds so much like my SD. I'm loving this period in which she is "punishing" him with her silence.

Yes!!! My SOs mini wife has

Yes!!! My SOs mini wife has been punishing him for several years and it's been wonderful.

I would honestly hate that.

I would honestly hate that. You like a restaurant? "SD loves this kind of food!" Barf. Have you, like, told him? If it were all day every day i'd be tempted to just tell him. Enough is enough.

"My advice to any newbies. If

"My advice to any newbies. If you are thinking of marrying anyone with kids especially girls enmeshed with fathers run. Run. Run."

Like Forrest Gump! FAST and furious! RUN!

This might seem like a really dumb question, but have you had discussions with your DH about this? What does he say? Can he get his attention fix in another way?

My oldest sister (crazy and narcissistic) was like this with our father. She wanted to be Mini-Wife and Top Dog and was always pushing the GF (and the rest of us) off to the side. It was ridiculous and so clearly about power. Our father thought it was so cute that his oldest wuvved him like that.

"Our father thought it was so

"Our father thought it was so cute that his oldest wuvved him like that."

That's the root of this. These guys are flattered to be wanted and chased. And somehow they never established an authoritative parental relationship with their daughters, where the daughters respect them and relate to them by trying to make them proud vs satisfying a need for intimacy or flattery. That's what's so icky about it.

That's exactly it

It's a combination of liking to be chased, its flattering, plus (in our case) liking to be the savior for poor, pitiful SD62 who has no one else. If I hear, "She's the only one who REALLY cares about me", I'll throw up.

Imo, SD62 flatters him, calls often, tells me what I should do to make him happy, to butter him up for the next ATM withdrawal.

Seriously? She's the only one

Seriously? She's the only one who really cares about him? Has he forgotten being stranded on the motorway, calling her and... nothing?

True. I forgot about the ones

True. I forgot about the ones who relate to their dads by needing to be rescued all the time.

Yes these men love being the

Yes these men love being the knight in shining armor for their daughters and mini wives. Doesn't apply to us though...I get told I'm competent and capable and can figure everything out myself.

I have.

He thinks she is miss wonderful. He produced her right? Her mother and sister ignored him for years. She was enmeshed when he got divorced and it was creepy. Lit candles for their dinners. Ugh.
anyway she didn't speak to him for years after he had the nerve to get remarried. But now? Eyes rolling. He tells her everything. About what I say and do. Not in a negative way. She pretends to care. It's so damn weird to share your husband with a woman whom you have no contact with. I hate it. Everyday. Texts and calls. I don't think it's me. I just feel like my privacy is invaded.
Would I feel differently if she and I were not strangers. Of course. That is the problem.

Just wondering

Have you told him how creepy it is? Or told him to keep your name out of the conversation? You are correct...the little I've read about this...it is creepy.

that is too much information...

the awful one I was with would NEVER mention me on his calls with DaughterWife. He would be 3 hours away visiting me at the beach resort area and not once mention me or 'us' having the plans we made...he would say 'I'm just hanging out this weekend...' and I felt like the affair partner, hidden in the dark. However, he would say something to his Narc mother and brother about me, they would flat out ignore me on the rare occasion I ended up in their company. Towards the end, before I left, he was sharing info with DaughterWife and I called him out on it, in front of her.

Too much or like we don't exist, where is the healthy middle ground? How in the world can you manage or control him oversharing? Couples counseling perhaps.

If you can communicate with him.

About it you've got to. I did with mine about his spouse surrogate youngest son. DH sought SSYS opinion on everything. It began when we were dating, continued once we got married and got worse when we built a home together. That's when I said enough, I'm your partner and building our lives together does not involve a third person. We had a few relapses but I've stood my ground. If your marriage is worth it, you've got to speak up. It will take time and redirection.

I agree!!

I'm not speaking from experience but rather observation! I have two SS. The oldest has been an issue over the years. As I read through all these threads, it seems the biggest challenges come from stepDAUGHTERS. I thank God I don't have any!

I'm sorry your SD does this..

I'm sorry your SD does this...you'd think she'd be occupied enough in her own life. How does her husband feel about her relationship with her father?

I'm always relieved when my SO's mini wife has a boyfriend because it gives her someone else to latch onto for a dysfunctional, codependent relationship. She'll drop her father like a bad habit. I also see her having a very enmeshed relationship with her daughter...and she just had another kid...so lots of codependency for her at her fingertips.

Same boat

I have the same thing, she's living at our house (21) with her 26 year old boyfriend ... Wish they would move out already. The business my husband started is under her name ... He doesn't even have access to the online banking unless he goes on her phone as it's linked to her personal profile. It's utterly ridiculous.... She's working and earning a salary yet is always asking daddy to use business acc for her personal expenses.... We going through a tough patch financially... Dh speaks to her about the finances .. I'm the last to find out .... Tonight I had a argument with her over them doing the dishes .... I told her if you don't like it you know what to do ..... She then shouts this is the 3rd time you kicking me out the house ...... Pathetic ....

"Then take the hint and get

"Then take the hint and get the hell OUT!"

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Get out of MY marriage!!