Facebook thoughts
So my DIL's mother sent me a FB request several months ago. I immediately accepted. So in scrolling in my FB feed looking at pics of recent shower I notice that I am no longer FB friends with this person. What??? I see my ex and his wife continue to be. Now I never post a thing but I do enjoy seeing family and friend photos. This person will be caring very frequently for our mutual grandchild and I would have liked to see the photos and videos since I live hours away and she is 10 minutes away. I am honestly dismayed by this. Racking my brain how I offended this person shower weekend.
The only thing I think of was at first my ex and I thought we would be welcome at hospital after the delivery. I said to this person upon leaving oh I'll see you at the hospital. She walked away but not before telling me that she would only be there if she asked her daughter and it was ok. I was stunned into silence and looking back I don't understand why she just didn't come out and tell me that the kids had decided they wanted to be alone, which they since have.
I just don't understand how petty people can be and honestly it's hurtful because we will share this baby and it just sets a bad tone. I have invited her places and included her at holidays. So what happened?
Sounds like a bit of
Sounds like a bit of pettiness to me. Like people have a problem with something but aren't mature enough to discuss it all as adults and instead do things like beat around the bush rather than being direct.
Reach out directly to your
Reach out directly to your DIL to facetime with the grandchild and/or ask for pictures.
Your assumption of being at the hospital probably rubbed her the wrong way. I can see how her "unfriending" is just trying to set up boundaries. I wouldn't take it too personal. Focus on the grandchild.
It’s crazy
Because my ex started the thoughts of going to the hospital. And guess what? She did not unfriend him or his wife. Go figure. I just feel it sets a tone that is so different to how I felt the shower weekend went. We all went went out to meals etc.
Know what? I'd stop caring.
Know what? I'd stop caring. How important is she in your life? Does she deserve that you care? Probably not. So smile and tell yourself that it's her problem. Why should it become yours? We can't all cater to everyone else's hangups.
I doubt that she unfriended
I doubt that she unfriended you over one potential overstep.
Do you use facebook a lot to post and share things? Maybe she was tired of you spamming up her feed if you do. I have a cousin of my husband that I have "unfollowed" because she is constantly posting meme's posting minutae of her life.. political jokes.. just multiple activities each day.. and they all come through my feed if I am not unfollowing her. Maybe the level of activity or even the subject matter was something she wasn't interested in seeing?.. and instead of unfollowing.. she unfriended.
It's also not just what you may have said to her over time.. but also her daughter too.. have you had a wonderful and close relationship with your DIL? or is she a bit stand offish? She may have poisoned the well with her mom?
In the end, you can get pics directly from the parents.. your son should be managing your relationship with his family primarily... look to him first.
I agree with ESMOD, there are lots of reasons she may have
"un-friended" you - it could also have been a mistake. I would not read too much into it. Social media is not real life - how she treats you in person is what counts.
She said
she doesn't post to FB at all so your response is off the mark.
She said
she doesn't post to FB at all so your response is off the mark.
She may not post.. but maybe
She may not post.. but maybe she shares posts others make...
And that part was just one possibility in my post.. the other part is that she may have had more interractions that didn't go well with her DIL.. or with the MIL even.. because people usually don't unfriend over one isolated instance.. so there is likely some history/pattern with the DIL and/or MIL.
Also.. it could be MIL is not very savvy with tech and accidentally clicked a button.. that can happen.
She said
she doesn't post to FB at all so your response is off the mark.
Wasn't there an issue around
Wasn't there an issue around the shower planning and/or a cake? Could your (understandable) excitement about the baby and gatherings be coming across as pushing? I'm focusing on that comment from DIL's mother. Why not talk to your son and ask him if he feels (don't bring in others) you've been intrusive or "too much." If he says yes, apologize and try to get into the habit of asking people what they want (if anything). If he says no, then just be yourself and don't dwell on this person unfriending you. The other grandma's photos are not the only photos you will be able to see.
Funny about the cake
You guys must know by now I am a huge baker. Lol. Some hits and some misses. Anyway, DIL mother mentioned bringing the cake or even cupcakes during group chat and we all assumed she was. I simply said nothing more about it. Ex's wife brought in those fancy sugar cookies decorated ersonally for shower. I felt a little left out honestly but said nothing. So guess what, no cake or cupcakes at shower. We all expected the mother to bring the cake as she offered and lives 10 minutes away. Ex's wife and I were shocked. I wanted to even run out at that moment to get a cake but we agreed to just let it go. So i really did not push anything. Look its important to have good relationship with this person. I'm sure the kids will be having every holiday there with her as she moved to that state to help her daughter. So it can affect me. I just dont get it.
Sometimes--well, maybe more
Sometimes--well, maybe more than sometimes--we are misjudged. Just keep being you, remain pleasant, and see how this plays out!
I would ask your son about
I would ask your son about photos. Say you're really excited about the baby and are wondering if they'll be posting photos to social media or sharing them with family another way.
I know me and a lot of my friends don't post photos of our kids on social media. I share photos with my family on Google photos or WhatsApp. Checking with your son what their plans are will also ensure you don't accidentally upset them by posting your own photos if they don't want them made public.
If you want to I might also send a friend request to the mil and just add a note saying that you enjoyed seeing her again at the baby shower. If you are struggling to understand why you would have been unfriended then I would assume that it was an accident and just send a new friend request. If she ignores it, she ignores it.