Just wanted to say Thanks!
I'm super thankful for all the people on here who provided insight, support, words of advice, and spent time reading my unlimited rants (sorry)
I can't say thank y'all enough
Feeling a bit lonely (I guess it takes a bit of time to break habits like calling someone daily, checking in, sleeping next to someone, etc) and getting adjusted to being back single again
Also feeling a little disgruntled like if that dude had only .... (listened more, took my side more, put me first more, etc)
Like y'all said can't change people, can't change the past
Talked to my therapist today about the situation and it was mostly helpful but they're not long or frequent enough
My mom is coming in town and helping me unpack these boxes it's a disaster I don't know where anything is and I don't know how to organize it in the new space. I have a lot of STUFF and not enough time
I have a todo list a mile long
I wish I could time more time off from the employers but oh well
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Be kind to you.
You will knock all of this out of the park Lilly. Enjoy your time with your mom.
Don't worry about getting everything perfectly placed and stored. Get it in the general location it needs to be in and then adjust bits and pieces as you settle in.
I never commit to a place for anything. Becaus undoubtedly my never ending organizer of a room mate will move it. So, I keep very few things in a never changing place and defend that. It gets hinky when my diabetes supplies, wallet, and keys move. Other than that stuff. It goes where it goes until it doesn't.
Settle in, start engaging with others in your new community, get your new leadership role rolling, and focus on your future.
Get some killer silk sheets and a body pillow to tune in your new sleeping structure. Eventually, there will be an amazing partner beside you. Enjoy everything until then, and embrace the new always.
My Dear Lilly,
My Dear Lilly,
You’re a bright, capable, pragmatic and determined young woman. Because of those characteristics, you were able to help yourself far more than any of us on StepTalk. You never engaged in self-pity and instead, wrote your ‘rants’ in such a candid manner that I, for one, looked forward to those posts; they were also wonderfully entertaining. I don’t doubt that there are many others on the site who feel the same.
I’m also very pleased that you’re continuing to connect! We need more strong women like you, reedle, StepUltimate and la_dulce_vida as an example to other besieged stepmothers who need to leave dysfunctional relationships but are unable, for one reason or another, to free themselves. Hon, you’re an inspiration!
It takes time to readjust to the single life and you are doing the right thing by undergoing therapy and accepting help from your mom. I was in my early twenties when I left the psychopath and was fortunate to have a wonderful, supportive ‘mummy’ who housed my two daughters and me until I was capable of paying my own way. With Canada’s free health care, I was also able to make weekly visits to a brilliant, caring psychiatrist who changed my life and my unhealthy mindset.
As Rags suggests, take care of you! And again, please stick around; you are a valuable addition to the site.♥️
You will be much better off
As for sleeping alone, all I can say is I love sleeping alone when visiting AwesomeDIL and DGD! No earplugs to wear due to the 46" bar chainsaw snoring!
not to mention how they
not to mention how they "accidentally" fart in their sleep
What man does that?
LOL! Either the passive
LOL! Either the passive aggressive ones, the nasty ones, or the super elderly ones ....
I'm leaning towards nasty in this case
I woke him up out of his 'sleep' and told him if he didn't get his a$$ right he would get booted out of the bedroom
The road to future happiness
The road to future happiness is littered with empty moving boxes. But aren't you glad your new road is heading somewhere instead of being trapped on a raod going in circles?!
Don't worry about finding places for your things, it will happen as you start your new routines.
I totally get the 'if he'd only's, he's not that evolved and never will be but you are. You are strong, funny, and brave. So brave!!
Just know this old staranger in NY thinks you're amazing!!
The road to future happiness
never thought about it like that but reframing it like this definitely helps!
and I think you're amazing too
To mirror what others have said.
I am a fan.
Your confidence, bias for action, and sharp mind are inspiring.
Take care of you.
So proud of you. Be easy on
So proud of you. Be easy on yourself.
I often
I often fantasize about being single...and I know if it came down to it I would miss the husband. I dont miss the bad of course, we miss the good, and when we arent around the bad we tend to think ONLY of the good.
Give yourself time to grieve the relationship you thought you were going to have. And keep venting if you need to
yay you!
I often fantasize about being
Yeah. I do miss the good. Especially now that I'm not affected by the disneyland bs
This is exactly what it feels like. Grief. Losing someone but kind of worse because theyre still alive and wish you could reach out but can't. At least with the deceased we know they're not coming back and there is some finality to it that helps resolve the feelings of grief.
And I get pissed thinking 'if this mf could have just accepted what i thought were reasonable boundaries to meet my need' but nooooo he was so busy playing 'p*ssy pushover' to his ex-wife and spawns to 'keep the peace'
What really burned me up was that damn 24/7 B/ Beck n Call service ...
Thank you! I thought about ranting about his enmeshed relationship with his failed prior family amongst other things but I stopped myself bc I thought the mods might block me and think I'm mentally ill if I keep ranting lol
I might post it later
Ironically I'm not as distraught as I was leading up to it, during the leave, and a couple of days after....I'm feeling much better
This upcoming weekend will be my first relaxing skid free weekend (past weekend I was skid free but I was travelling with my kid and it reminded me how I would travel to get a break from them plus there was disorganization, boxes everywhere, and I was grieving the loss so it wasnt as enjoyable
I hope I can enjoy this more organized mentally clear weekend without interference.
The 3 Day Rule at work!!!
The Rags 3 Day Rule at work!!!
I'm tellin ya, it is really a thing.
I am glad you are getting into the post 3 day improvement phase.
A bit better every day....... Get mad, be sad, etc,, work through it. But... be where are are when you are there. Including when you are happy.
Enjoy!
I am very proud of you! I am
I am very proud of you! I am familiar with that feeling - kind of sad, looking back on "if only he..." in the relationship. Please don't do that to yourself. If he valued and loved you, you would never have left. Rags is absolutely correct - give it 3 days. It was true for me, after 3 days, I was ok. And I knew I'd be ok. And you will be too. Counseling is important too....
Didn't we discuss on one of your posts a while back about doing some kind of victory dance when you left him? :D I'll be doing one now for you.
Hugs,
Reedle