Wait what? Did you not leave him? Did he go back to you and move into your new home with you? Please tell me I am mistaken....

Why are YOU dealing with his adult babies? YOU can't fix it. Only he can if he chooses. Go back and read your former blogs to remind yourself of why you left him.

What happened? In your last post, you were living separately because he refused the idea of his princesses lifting as much as a little finger to help around the house. Did he leave them? Can you give us a bit more of the background, please?

Anyway, I don't think there's much you can do about their weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. These are not children, two are in their 20s and the youngest is 17, right? I'm surprised he left them... did he get fed up with them ruling the roost? Either way, it's all on him. I hope you have his daughters blocked left right and centre 

Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire! 2 preteen girls? Already being poisoned against you by a BM who was recently left? The only person who can deal with this is their dad. He and only he can put a stop to needless drama and toxicity, and he can give them the positive attention, correction, and parenting they need, so they will grow up to be well-behaved, self-sufficient young ladies as opposed to something like the "cash me outside" girl. It's good to be understanding and supportive, but also be watchful for red flags. You have no idea what kind of divorced dad this guy will be, because he's just getting started. He needs a CO with a custody schedule, and he needs to insist that it's followed, even if it means paying child support. That's just the beginning. 

I agree with all the above. SO has to reassure his kids that he's still their dad, understand that their feelings are valid, and set boundaries for their behaviour. People get confused in situations like this. The kids are going to struggle and they're going to stumble behaviourally. A parent ca n understand and empathize with bad behaviour without accepting and reinforcing that behaviour. 

Let him get thru his divorce first.  Then he needs to learn to parent solo in a healthy way.  If BM thinks she can reunite this relationship with him and sees you as a barrier to that, she will be nasty, use the skids as pawns.  Right now he is UNAVAILABLE for a true relationship with you.  Give him his space to get thru this.  Do not become his crutch or transitioning girl friend.   

Hey, Mapap,

Survivingstephell has given good advice. In no way, is your boyfriend ready for a relationship with a new partner while he is heavily involved with his divorce, an angry ex-wife and hurt, confused children. Right now, his baggage is too weighty for you or any other woman to carry.

You've mentioned that your boyfriend was 'recently exiting his marriage’ when you began to date. Perhaps his ex-wife (actually his current wife since they are not yet divorced) believes that you and her husband were involved before he left her? If that's the case, it well explains her anger and her decision to punish the man by alienating their daughters. 

If adultery was the reason for the marital breakup, the children have good reason to resent you and have 'meltdowns'. In any case, you and your boyfriend would be well advised to slow your roll until he takes care of his messy marital issues.  

I well recall your posts from last year and your homelife with a guilty Disney Dad and his indulged, insolent daughters. Your misery made me cringe, particularly since I’d gone through the same trials (although decades ago) with a hostile ‘Daddy’s girl’. It was no fun and I’d hate to see you fall into a similar, traumatic situation. 

Hon, if the relationship with your boyfriend is based on equal affection and respect, you’ll be together once the dust settles on the chaos that’s presently engulfing him. 

And BTW, did your ex and his three harpies manage to implode? Dang, but they were awful!

IMHO, the kids are not the ones needing clarity on daddy's departure.  

SO needs to gird his loins, give his XW clarity, give the kids clarity.

You.... need to make it perfectly clear that if you and he are to have a relationship, he must immediately establish a visitation schedule and defend that schedule as his and your hill to die on.

No BM calling, dropping off the kids outside of SO's visitation time, etc.....

Both you and DH need to keep clarity that the NCP's primary advantage is not having to take visitation, nor cover for the CP.

The SDs will have the best chance of successfully adjusting if SO maintains absolute structure.

You clearly understand that based on the timing of your new relationship, BM will refuse to recognize that SO was not cheating on her with you.  Once the marriage home is left, there is no cheating.

As my then STBXW and STBXFIL were pulling out of our driveway with a truck and trailer full of her crap, the locksmith was driving up the street to rekey the locks, and I was on the phone setting up a date.  I had run into a former GF at the lake the weekend before  when I wa boating with friends a couple of weeks after my XW informed me that she wanted a divorce.

I had a date the evening of the day XW drove off with her father.

The fun part.... XW started banging on the front door of our house the next morning.  She was pissed that her keys no longer worked.  I answered the door with a towel wrapped around my waist.  I kept the storm door locked.  XW was losing her mind. Then dropped silent when a beautiful blonde woman walked up behind me wrapped in a bedsheet.   

There was nothing that XW should have said considering she was knocked up by her geriatric Fortune 500 GrandPa sugar/baby daddy.  But, being who she is, she tried to flap her gums. I locked the door in her face.

Blessedly, we had no children so my life since has been XW drama free. Except for house drama 3yrs after the divorce.

Rather than lay low, I suggest that you set your boundaries, enforce them with the BM, SDs, and most importantly, with your SO.  This is YOUR relationship as much as it is SOs.  You owe yourself to defend your relationship and your own life happiness.  From SO, BM, and their children. You have the experience in blended relationships. SO does not.  Offer him the benefit of your experience while making the boundaries clear to him.

It is challenging to overcome the inherrent guilt parenting and overly Skid centricity that divorced parents tend to bring to new relationships.

Take care of you.

Good luck.

Honestly.. I am not so sure he was 100% honest with either you or his ex.  The fact that he is back at home.. kind of speaks to a scenario where he really wasn't all the way out the door when he started dating you.. and perhaps used you in some ways as a gateway.. or security blanket while he was navigating his feelings about his marriage. So, his wife may have been right to an extent... you were dating someone that was still partially in the relationship with her..at least at the start.. and maybe he even was kind of operating in some fantasy that he could leave problems behind by starting with you?

He went back.. and  possibly for a lot of reasons.. they have history.. they have kids.. they have had the good times and bad.. and it's probably easier to be back and not have to go through the pain of undoing their family.

He may not have intended to use you.. but I think he did in some ways use you to comfort himself and distract himself from the more seriousness of his family situation.

I don't know if you have had constant contact through the 30 years.. or whether this was a blast from the past kind of thing... but he may have been seeking to escape from his reality.. and in it got away from him.. and he realized he may in fact have had more feelings for his family including his wife than he realized.

What you can't do is continue to allow him to dip into both ends of the pool.. let him emotionally unburden himself at your expense.. because you are likely to get nothing out of it.