AITA - A spoonful of her own medicine?

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Am I the asshole for doing this?

I'm sick of the way SD9 is treating the family. She's ignoring us, interrupting, talking over us, being nasty for no reason and generally acting like a diva, the way she usually acts when she spend a prolonged amount of time with her sick in the head grandmother.

So, this morning I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine after she told me, "Be quiet, I don't have time for your stupid science lessons," while taking about cheese on eggs. I just snapped inside. I'm ignoring her, interrupting, talking over, and telling her I dont have time for her boring crap, and doing exactly what I want to do all day. This is WAY out of character for me. I'm usually the uber caregiver, cook, mommy, fixer-of-all.

I told DH my plan and he says we shouldn't stoop to her level. I told him she is exactly like him, totally has his head up his ass unless it affects HIM personally, and a little taught empathy might be a good lesson. DH has TOLD me he NEVER had any empathy for ANYONE as a child and only learned it when he was an adult when bad things happened to him. He still has that trait, and SD9 is the same sadly. I'm the total opposite, me even doing this should tell you the level of disrespect she's been giving everyone lately.

SS9 already knows something is up bc I'm a very soft spoken, quiet person who goes out of my way to be kind. She's also not dumb so she probably knows what is going on to some extent. The most fun part will be to do it in front of her grandmother, and then when Grammy crazy pants acts shocked I could possibly snub her perfect granddaughter, I get to ask her, "What? Do you think I'm being nasty or rude?"

Tonight when DH gets home we're going to sit her down and tell her that despite Grammy acting like it doesn't hurt her when she's rude to Grammy, it very clearly does hurt her bc you heard her say it's rude when I do it. I'm going to tell her how much it hurts me that she is so disrespectful and dismissive when I try to make sure she always feels seen and heard. Looks like it backfired to some extent and she thought she was queen shit bc we always try to make sure she feels respected.

LOL she just came in and I made her repeat her question 3 times and interrupted her each time telling her I didn't hear her, just like she does to us, then I told her, "Whatever, I don't care. It has nothing to do with me, do what you want." Hard headed little shits win hard headed shit prizes.

Well played!

Sounds like she needs it

Sounds like the rude little shite deserves it. Where the heck is DH when she is talking this way to you? He reminds me of my DH, who says "empathy doesn't run in my family." Well boo hoo. That don't work for me, DH. I said "You love my dad, right? Well, HE is the one who taught me empathy, so show some damned respect for him and me."

I can lie and tell him that "cleanliness doesn't run in my familly" or "public nudity runs in my family" or whatever I decide to make up. It doesn't excuse me from living in a pigstye and running around the elementary school naked, now does it? So WTF is DH's problem? Why can't he parent his idiot child? Sorry, but I am so tired of DH's apathetic responses to SM's on here. DH can't just blame all his bad choices on his parents, and niether can his kids. At some point, they all need to take responsiblity for their own actions.

I feel your pain. I am going through the same thing with my 2 stepdaughters right now. I plan to be slightly tipsy on Thanksgiving and ready to give them an earful in front of everyone. LOL.

It's worth a shot. Maybe it

It's worth a shot. Maybe it will work, but it probably won't.

Honestly, disengaging is probably your best shot. When he made the comment this morning- shut off the stove. Toss the food. Tell him to grab a poptart and catch the bus. Walk out of the room.

Rude behavior get's no rewards. When he does it, walk away and stop it in it's tracks. You can do this with just about anything. Homework help- just get up and tell him good luck. Ride for a car ride somewhere, turn around and go back home. Dinner time- Get up take his plate, tell him he can get a sandwich, you don't cook for jerks. Take your plate and walk into the living room and turn on a movie to enjoy your dinner with.

You Can Try

But I'm with Justmakingthebest.....it probably won't work. Or if it does, it will be short lived. Your best bet is to go with full on disengagement. Just stop doing any and everything for this rude kid and her rude dad. No more answering questions, helping with homework, rides to friends, etc. Put it all on her bio parents.

While some children may not be born with empathy, they don't need to be rude. Empathy and disrespect are TWO DIFFERENT SUBJECTS. Your SD is rude, disprespectful and NEEDS to be CORRECTED, as any child acting in such a crappy way. It's called PARENTING of which your DH is an absolute FAILURE. j

Disengage and let them see how his inability to "train his child properly" works out for him when the heavy workload is all on him. SMH