SD8 acting like a 2yr old
SD8 was totally normal and intelligent before we moved into psycho gmas house. We had a wonderful relationship. SD8 now has regressed into MEOWING and baby talking - part time at first a few months ago and full time starting this week. Constantly. We've been here since the start of February and I've watched her go back and back and back more and more googoo talk in the past 6 weeks ... I'm like shocked. Now it's full time. She all of a sudden doesn't know how to open her car door or zip up her shoes. It's like she has a neurological condition or she's mentally delayed but she's NOT. Shes just decided to act like a 2yr old. I realized she acts 1 way for me and dad and another really sickening way for gma. She'll be 9 in a month so this is really odd. I'm about to lose it on her. I told my husband he's allowed her to regress to this point bc he gets frustrated she takes her time with things so he does it for her. I came on here a few times in our 3 year relationship to vent but I've been on here like 30 or more times since we moved into gmas. Idk what to politely say to her to knock it tf off. Before I'd have just treated her like my own child bc I love her and it was easy. Now I feel like I never knew her and she's a manipulative little shit. Really really sad.
You know the solution. But
You know the solution. But you won't do what you need to do. Move out.
I'm asking for advice on how
I'm asking for advice on how to address a child's behaviour, not financial advice. We're saving up to move out as I've said multiple times.
Have you considered any of the advice and suggestions
Have you considered any of the advice and suggestions that were given in your previous posts? If you can't or won't move from BM's Mother's house, you have two choices. Either SD continues to drive you crazy and your figure out how to deal with it, or you completely disengage and ignore the behavior.
I can't totally disengage as
I can't totally disengage as SD8 is with me full time and I'm her full time caregiver. She has no relationship with her BM. It's me full time. She sees BM about 4xs a year only. I've spoken to SD8 multiple times about her behaviour and it's in one ear and out the other. We're saving up to move. I'm not asking for financial advice. I'm asking for how I might address SDs behaviour in a way that will get thru to her.
Zero tolerance.
She regresses, she goes to her room, or better yet, stands in a remote corner with her nose holding the corner together and any time she twitchs she gets a smack on the ass. She does not open her car door, everyone else gets in, closes the doors and slowly pulls away until she chases it. Or, everyone gets in the car, closes the doors and just sit in the car and let her stand there until she opens her own door and gets in.
She does not put on her shoes, she goes barefoot.
She is getting something out of this. Deliver only abject misery when she pulls this crap. Take away whatever benefit she may get and make her suffer. I would. This is a pre-teen not a toddler. Don't let her get away with toddler bullshit.
As for Gramma, she can bite her tongue while the actual adults in the multigenerational household parenting.
Moving out should be this weekends activity.
smh
This is advice I can use.
This is advice I can use. Thank you.
Try any of this and you will
Try any of this and you will likely find that you are the villian in the household. Your DH's. EX's Mother could actually tell YOU to leave.. tell her son you are abusing his child.. and your SO could blame you for being too hard on his child.
I know you don't want financial advice. You don't want anyone to tell you that this child would benefit from going to public school so that you could work.. to obv improve your joint financial situation. BUT.. absent thes fixes? It is going to be an uphill battle and you actually risk harming your long term relationship with the child (and her father and grandma) if you are seen as being too harsh with her. (i'm not talking beating.. but being rigid with her like that).
I know that isn't helpful in that it's not what you want to do.
I mean.. sure.. it's not rocket science.. if the kid is doing behaviors to get attention? you do not give them the satisfaction.. and in fact make their life more difficult right? I mean.. that is the whole basic premise of parenting a child.. training a dog.. etc.. You don't reward behavior you don't want encouraged... It's like people who use treats to teach their dog a trick.. like "speak".. then they wonder why the dog barks all dinner long. Or.. they try to stop the dog from jumping by kneeling down to "hold" the dog down.. (which means the dog is getting attention and "pets")..
But.. remember.. she IS a kid and an 8 yo isn't the same as a 15 year old.. and it's ok if she is silly and goofy at times.. or even likes to play games at an age younger than you think is normal. But, she is old enough to start learning when and where it's ok to "play".. and ask for recognition.. and when doing it at the wrong time.. or non-stop is not good. So.. it's going to be tough in the current environment.. because at least one if not two of the other adults in the home.. they won't agree with your parenting of her in a more firm way.. the only way you really will ahve tha control is OUT of that home.
And.. go ahead.. tell Granny to STFU.. you may find yourself on the front steps with your belongings in a cardboard box. .. and just you.. the baby can stay.. and so can your SO. There are certain bridges you can't burn.. because you are still USING the bridge on a daily basis. That is going to have to wait until you and your SO can stand on your own two feet without her help.
Why are you still living with
Why are you still living with those trashy people? Why haven't you called CPS to get those kids the help they need?? That "manipulative little shit" is the product of TWO crap parents, so put the blame where it belongs. And remember, silence equals permission, meaning at a certain point you're choosing to ignore the neglect and thus condoning it.
We are judged by the company we keep, and you've married into a screwed up, low class family. Please hit the eject button and get away from the lot of them. This is not a good situation for you.
until you move, nothing will
until you move, nothing will change. and if Daddy isn't expecting her to act her age, nothing you do will change anything.
I'd stop giving in to it. For my own sanity. EX: lunchtime. SD mews at you. you say "I'll be ready to listen when you act your age" then move on until she does.
There's nothing you can do
There's nothing you can do about SD's interactions with GMA in GMA's house. You have no power, and very little authority, and that's been demonstrated time and again.
You can, though, refuse to engage with SD when she meows or babytalks with you. If it interferes with her schooling, then you need DH on board to take some action and establish punishments for bad behavior and rewards for good.
If DH won't step up and GMA undermines, there truly is nothing you can do. That child needs to be out of that house. For whatever reason, you and DH are still holding on to homeschooling, despite the difficulties and emotional regression. I have no problem with homeschooling, but is it still the best option for her?
I agree about the
I agree about the homeschooling.. it should be for the benefit of the child.. but it seems like this arrangement is exposing the child to a permissive home environment full time when at least if she was in school.. she would be getting some outside feedback and influence and stimulation.
It doesn't seem that homeschooling is benefiting the child here.. and in fact.. just because she would go to public school doesn't mean that they couldn't still work with her on school.. but it would get her out of that house for most of the day.. and free up OP to get a job. I'm not sure why that is such a horrible idea for OP.. especially when it is the most direct line to gain their independance.. and reach their life goals.
It isn't mentioned.. but OP.. do you have other kids at home too? of your own.. not DH's .. It kind of seems like going through a lot of work to "not work".. and at the same time harming the child's development
How are you living in
BM mothers house, ?? I would think a car board box would be better. Just don't get it. Get a job, SO get a job and move out on your own, Like big people do. You can not ask for normal when you are in a dysfunctional home
Sd was exactly like this,
Sd was exactly like this, didn't matter what DH did, sd was always just extremely immature and infantile. She's airways cried to get her way (even now at 17). She literally makes me want to vomit how this 17yo acts like a 12yo. When she was 12, she acted like a 5yo. when she was 5, she acted like a 2yo.... I wiped her @$$ until she was 9, and she'd NOT EVEN ATTEMPT to wipe her but, she'd leave 1/2cup of peanut butter like $#!t in her underwear and try to throw it into my wash.... i began inspecting her underwear before she threw it in... and make her throw away the underwear if it looked like that. If she ATTEMPTED and it was streaks, that's one thing, but she just get off the toilet and pull up her clothes and go.... like at least TRY...