My Worst NIghtmare
My WORST nightmare has come true. SD12 was just dropped off at our door with bags in hand. SD *mentioned* a couple of days ago to DH that her Mom might be doing some travel nursing... and was feeling sad that she might be gone awhile. Well, DH and BM are no contact. I guess BM didn't think it was a big deal to not say ANYTHING to DH.
So SD12 waltzes in with BAGS of stuff. Probably 4-5 tote bags and suitcases. She announces her mom is leaving for 4 months (starting tomorrow morning) to go travel nurse. Um, FOUR MONTHS? Did I hear that right? BM also lives with her sister (SDs aunt) and older half brother (18 y/o). I'm assuming even though they live in the same house as BM, they want nothing to do with SD12 while BM is away. I mean I don't blame them. But seriously, ZERO breaks from SD for 4 months? I'm freaking out. How can I save my sanity.
I haven't even run upstairs yet to talk to DH about it. SD is unpacking bags as we speak. I feel sick to my stomach. What should DH do or say?? He hasn't heard anything. I honestly feel like he needs to file for child support then. BM is making money and SD got dumped on us full-time.. UGH. Any advice, sympathy, or PRAYERS would be appreciated 
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Call your lawyer and nail her
Call your lawyer and nail her ass for child abandonment and child support.
Many many prayers going out!!
Many many prayers going out!!! No amount of money would have made me happy if I had to have SD here for four months!!!!
HE needs to immediately file
HE needs to immediately file for emergency custody and CS. And that emergency custody should probably become permanent full-time custody for him.
YOU need to sit down with a drink and start making a list of things you will and won't do to help DH.
Then you both are going to breathe, get SD settled for the night, and talk about it tomorrow.
This is similar to what happened with my YSK. DH got a call one night from ET freaking out because YSK threatened to kill themself (meant it, too, and had a plan/means to do it). DH picked them up and was making calls for psych intake the next morning. ET went NC until the weekend then dropped that she and her (now ex) H were being evicted and YSK couldn't come with. By the next day, YSK and OSS (who is in college and was only staying with us on breaks) had moved their stuff out and into our house.
It's rough, even when the kid moving in is generally pleasant. Vent here, cry, write down your feelings, get yourself a therapist. Don't make any rash decisions. Your DH needs to act quickly to protect SD AND your household, but you can take a few moments to think this through.
I'm so sorry this happened this way.
Unexpected
We ended up with all 3 SKs living here full time after 4 years of back and forth. OSS then 13 was first over one summer when he went back to BM's less frequently and just stayed on. I enrolled him in school and adjusted. It wasn't a problem because he and I always got along. But at Thanksgiving, SD then 15 arrived suddenly after a big fight with BM and her first runaway. That was a whole different thing since she was and is so dramatic, manipulative, untruthful and untrustworthy. I was stunned. It changed the whole dynamic of the house with her living there. I gave it my best shot but it was a trip. YSS followed 6 months later but by then, it didnt matter. At least everyone was under one roof. Believe it or not, things were easier once everyone lived here, more consistency without BM's "opinions".
We never got CS but in your case, I'd take everyone's advice and call it what it is, abandonment. Get the CS you're entitled to. Have a drink and take deep breaths. And, I feel for SD who must be feeling it, too. Good luck.
Perhaps the scariest story
Perhaps the scariest story ever for a Stepmom - the step kid moving in full time. You have my sympathies. When BM here knew CS was ending she decided to force Little Idiot (SDnow22.5) out. She was 18 at the time. I don't know what I would've done if she was 12. Hopefully this is only a 4-month stay.
DEFINITELY get custody and
DEFINITELY get custody and child support changed. Traveling nurses make A LOT of money.
YES - because the funds are
YES - because the funds are FOR SD12. Get them FOR her.
Bio mum knew she had this job lined up and was gonna be
Away for 4 months and didn't think to discuss with her ex regarding the kids care and accommodation.
just dumps kid at your front door bags and all and drives off.
no doubt happily expecting to collect cs. Hell no!! Take her to court!! Have a judge go through what happened and award your husband emergency custody and cs from bio mum for her kid. If she goes apeshit! Simple response is "well you know where to pick up your kid"
Set out the house rules from day 1
Sit down with your DH now and agree the rules
Get it all lined up now. If the new rules are tighter than the old ones, explain it as full time residents rules vs EOW rules. Do not allow a honeymoon period. Everyone will adapt better to the change if it starts straight away. (this works equally well in a work envirnoment as home setting)
This is the time to be pro active
In getting the rules made up. You must be the top dog. What you say goes. Get it settle now when you still have some power.
When ever you marry someone with kids. This can happen.
Like the others said- Lawyer
Like the others said- Lawyer immediately!
CS on BM
Child Abandonment on BM
Full legal and physical custody to DH
absolutely get custody and CS
absolutely get custody and CS.. but ALSO find out where BM is going to be working and your DH needs to establish some sort of visitation schedule for his daughter with her mother.. depending on how far away she is.. and timing of school breaks.. the kid can visit her.
Nail DH's sack to the table and tell him that the CS review had
better be filed before BM's flight takes off.
Travel nurses make bank and if BM has to pay DH a shit ton of CS she will likely come screaming back to pick up her spawn rather than give her travel nurse bucks to DH.