Also, realize that your bio child is not your sole possession, and he/she will have a relationship with the other bio parent and his/her children.  And your ex will not pay all your living expenses forever if you divorce.

Unfortunately, people like this are lost causes.  They don't benefit from therapy.

Absolutely.... 100%

So I haven't seen all of the posts, but to me, the difference is: If you are venting and saying some of the ugly thoughts that go through your mind as a SM that we aren't proud of, but still treating skids with respect and care, that is one thing. But if your thoughts are spilling over into hateful actions towards a child or if you are having actual violent thoughts, that is where the line is crossed. Talk to a therapist. 

I had a SM who hated me as a child. I wasn't a bad kid, but they had us FT and I can now see that she was resentful because she had to care for me (I actually went to work with my dad in Summers), jealous of any attention I was given, which wasn't much. And when her and my dad had a bio son together, she would tell her son (right in front of me) not to talk to me or be around me. I had no relationship with him until he was 18. I felt unloved and hated. Those actions are not ok.  

I get feeling overwhelmed 100%! The stuff that is on those forums right now makes me sick though!

Jeez. What's going on? Referring to kids as rodents? Sluts??Destroying their self esteem over normal behaviors and/or actions??

Look. I get it. Life is hard. Especially step life. I've had my share of "hard hits" in step hell. I've said harsh words about DHs kids. More directed at behaviors rather than against who they are but these past few weeks have made me more aware of my own words and to choose carefully. Let's try not to dehumanize people when expressing our frustrations and hurts. 
 

Thank you for this post. 

Because between the title and those sentences I was disgusted enough. That is really really bad. Sounds like a lot of pent up anger and I would be worried about the person exploding one day when they were at their limits. The adult can walk away from the situation, but a child can't. I hope all the people posting these feelings do not ever act on them. In step life, I have been very angry, but personally I have been angry at BM or even at DH because he picked to be with BM long ago so he is also at fault LOL, but never close to these forum posts especially directed at the children.

**EDIT: I went back and read it, well 1/2 of it and my DH would leave me in a heartbeat if I felt that way about SD and refused to get help to work on my feelings/relationship with SD. My DH likes to say he isn't a good father (always is his own biggest critic) but he wouldn't of been with me and married me if there was a chance I would mistreat SD and make her feel unwelcome. There is a difference of being disengaged, being a parent, etc. he means like the people posting on these forums.

Its a false flag by a disgruntled skid or HCGUBM posting the stuff?

I agree with the sentiments listed above.  I saw the title of that post this morning, and I cringed.  I didn't read the post...until now.

I am no angel, and there are times that my frustrations cause me to loose my filters to some degree, but I would never think that even imagining violence on a young child would ever be appropriate.  When it comes to our young Stepkids, the most we can wish for is that they will grow up and mature and have an "Ah HA!" moment whereby they realize that we did not end up in their lives to create havoc or divisions for them.  Rather, we are there because we happened to fall in love with their father or mother and we are trying to negotiate our new relationship with them as best as we can!  Sometimes, the Ah Ha moment never comes, even when they are adults.  Sometimes it gets worse.  If you can't weather the storm when they are that young, you need to seriously consider whether step life is right for you because, let me tell you, 34 years in and it doesn't really get any easier.  The dynamic may change, but it's not always for the better.  It just takes on a different form of dysfunction in some cases, and that's when we decide it may be time to protect ourselves by disengaging.  If you ever thought of throwing a child, then you are on the wrong track to finding your mental and emotional balance in your new relationship.

We come to this site, not to bash them necessarily, but more to find out if anyone out there can commiserate with us.  I can not and will not commiserate with someone who leans towards abusive behaviors.  If these types of thoughts are going through your head, I am ill equipped to relate to them or to help you out.  I hope that if you are in that boat, and you are reading the responses above, you will find a mindful and calming meditation to ease your troubles.  You may want to step away from Step Life for a while, until you find your footing once again.  ...or this just may not be for you.

I couldn't help myself, I had to comment. Assuming it's not a fake, she better hope that her husband's ex isn't vindictive or that she never sees it. Because I can tell you that I am not a vindictive person, but if XH was ever with someone who wrote those things about DD, I would absolutely go scorched earth. Just vile. 

I've had moments where I didn't like my SDs very much. They've hurt me, sometimes intentionally. But I never, ever imagined being violent towards them. Or wished them any ill. Nor did I ever call them hateful names. It would be better to indifferent towards your skids than to carry around that much disdain. She's kidding herself if she thinks her husband, her SS, and her own child aren't aware of how she feels. I do hope she'll seek therapy.

It didn't occur to me that those posts could be fake.  If they're real, I hope she gets help and her husband starts parenting his child.  She needs to completely disengage.  

My SS drove me batty.  He never disrespected me though.  Well, maybe a few times but he learned real quick that it wouldn't be tolerated.  The times he was just being annoying, and there were quite a few, were dealt with in different ways.  Sometimes he was told to go outside, go to his room, or just knock it off.  I can also remember leaving the room many times just to get away.  There were many times I wished that he would go back to living with BM.

  But again, her husband needs to take over ALL of the parenting.  It is after all HIS kids, and HIS job to raise them.  He needs to not dump any of the parenting responsibility on his wife, who is NOT THE MOTHER.  They are not her responsibility.  I'm not excusing her at all.  The way she is behaving is NOT ok.  Her husband is certain!y not helping matters though. I'm afraid that if her husband doesn't step up, she may snap.  They both need help.

I am sure these are troll posts (calling a kid rodent and so on)

I agree, steplife is hard and that's putting it lightly.  I do feel that if a situation is causing one to become extremely angry, have violent thoughts, then it's time to re-evaluate your life choices and leave.  I was feeling some very unhealthy anger toward my ex SS prior to leaving, but I never treated him poorly or had thoughts of hitting him or speaking to him in a derogatory manner.  But, I knew the anger itself was toxic and it was way past time to leave.  Everyone's situation is different, and I hope and pray that these posters can find peace, whether it's by way of counseling for all parties involved or by way of an exit.

I love this website, am so very thankful for it.  It meant the world to me to have others to vent to and commiserate with and to just straight up ask advice when I was in a step situation.  I had no idea what I was dealing with at home was not normal until I got on here.  I had no perspective and didn't know any step parents, so it was always hard to know if I was overreacting or if I had a valid complaint.

Take care everyone! 

That Vivian would post something like that. Her first post was how much she hated the child. And it escalated. I appreciate the PSA. Perhaps also either message or comment on previous posts. Idk

I call my SDs nicknames, but even so would never want to throw them around, slap them. I was deeply saddened when SD23 Feral Forger was slapped, body slammed and choked by Toxic Troll, more than once. As much as I despise who she is I dont wish bad things on her.

Ive never been pregnant and hormonal, but Vivians ever-escalating rage against a 9 year old makes me shake my head.

and WOOOOW. Yeah that is not venting. Venting to complain and using petty names to unload is one thing. That lady is saying in detail how she wants to hurt that kid. What gets me is how appalled she is that he doesn't want to talk to her or is not nice after she shows total hatred toward the boy. 

Also what a coward of a father!! It made me sick reading that the father puts her first so clearly he isn't defending his son. Otherwise I think she would be complaining about him too. 

And hope she gets help. 

It struck me that her being pregnant might well have something to do with the strength of her feelings. Hormones etc.

I'm ashamed to admit that whilst I was pregnant and up my daughter being a toddler I could not stand my ss. He was a similar age, so a lot of his behaviour was annoying and attention seeking. To top that I was convinced he was trying to harm baby , and he was, but not in a psycho way. It was in a he didn't realise if you break baby they don't get put back together like a toy so you can do the same the next day for entertainment or attention. 

When he was kicking balls full tilt at her or trying to entice her down stairs , I felt flashes or rage verging on hatred. So I kept us both away from him as much as possible , and got help and advice. 

The child will fees off her hatred and give what he gets. Its a viscous circle. If he was met with any kindness it may start to change . It's a long and hard road but worth trying. Myself and ss who's now 13 have quite a pally relationship now and I'd never believed that possible 

This lady really really needs some help 

It keeps much of the debilitating anger subverted and filters much of the blended family drama down to a transactional model.  Behave and things are pleasant.  Don't behave and the consequences are unpleasant.

No need to hate though anger is often part of it all.  Not venting that anger IRL is IMHO the way to go.  Focus, confront, discipline, step back, observe.  Lather.... rinse.... repeat.

I am completely aware that I am a proponant of corporal punishment when appropriate.  Beatings, etc... are not appropriate.   Swats to the rump, standing with the nose in a corner, writing countless perfect sentences..... sure.  

I am fortunate to have had a sheltered enough childhood and adult life that I have not experienced or witnessed child abuse/beatings, etc...  That anyone has is infuriating.