Mary Poppins and my popped bubble of happiness
Just here to vent.
A few weeks ago, I co-hosted a party. A garden party. SD16 B/M helped set up and clean up and was paid $60 for her efforts. She had a great time and socialised with my vry nice friends. There were a few kids there and she was invited to one of thems birthday party to which she said she wanted to go.
Everything seemed really great (back then). She really was a hit with my friends and she really liked them in return. She came out of her shell and we had some really great conversations.
The birthday party is a trip to see Mary Poppins musical on and outdoor stage. Its been getting rave reviews, and selling out.
Last weekend, When SD16 B/M was at her mothers, I went ahead and told my friend to get a ticket for me and one for SD16 B/M as she had wanted to go. WELL. Cut to today.
Texted a few days ago "do you still want to go to Mary Poppins? We got tickets for this Saturday (tomorrow).
No response.
Texted again the day after "please let me know if you are wanting to go to Mary Poppins, and also let me know if you cannot".
No response.
Texted again last night "Ok, so no response means I had to take you out of the attendees list. Sorry, but you didnt follow through."
No response.
I walk to my car this morning just as her mother Toxic Troll is dropping her off. I get in my car and am fiddling with things. She walks right past me, no acknowledgement, not a hello, not a wave nothing.
I had asked Husband to let us work things out, and not say anything to her about it. But now Im curious what badness I committed to allow no response. That ticket was $18. Im still going, my friends will be there with me. I promised to reimburse for them.
Steplife sucks today. Im seriously done. I dont even want to know why the no response.
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Sorry
Very rude to not even text back 'sorry can't make it'.
I know you wanted to vent...but...really you do keep getting sucked back in. Before telling your friend to get 2 tickets, you should have texted B/M with 'hey, you mentioned wanting to go. Tix are $18. Please Venmo the $ to me and we'll get you a ticket'. No Venmo, no ticket. And no need to follow up again - if she complained last minute, then just remind her you never received her Venmo, so she has no ticket. Too bad, so sad.
Keep working in disengagement. It is tough because she gave you a glimmer of hope with the nice day with your friends, but...you ended up getting hurt again. Which is the pattern.
You didn't do anything to deserve a non-response. She is who she is, and has been showing you for awhile. You just need to believe it and stop hoping for a miraculous change.
Nope nope and NOPE
I know I always say "Im done!" and then see a glimmer of hope.
But this time was it. Pretty blatant. Typically its more subversive. More hidden.
But this involved my friends. So now its just a double-suck.
Re-read this post
If you feel like she's sucking you in again!
And, enjoy Mary Poppins. Happiness is the best revenge!
lots of pics and tag her father
Yep. Thriving and having a great life.
Consider It Another Lesson
No judgement here. Been in your shoes. Good people always want the best for everyone. As Canine said, you didn't deserve that treatment. Keep remembering this and keep her out of your life as much as possible. Hugs.
Lesson #1 bazillion
Thanks.
Hugs back.
You are too nice and normal,
You are too nice and normal, Clove. You try because you are nice and you are used to normal people (those outside of your husband's failed family) who behave in a normal fashion and respond to nice. The Backstabber has shown you who she is many times. She's not quite FF, but she's cut from the same cloth. Accept it. Don't let her lure you back in with an occasional nicety. She's not normal and she's not nice. She will never appreciate what you do for her. Next time she's nice to you for a nanosecond, remember this - remember how she didn't have the common decency to respond to you and how you wasted your money on her. Remember what she did when you tried to help her with school. Completely disengage. Her own father doesn't do for her the way you've tried to do - doesn't that tell you something?
NO. You got yourself
NO. You got yourself engaged again. Stop it. Do not buy anything for her. Don't offer to hire her or do anything. You still haven't learned that it doesn't matter. You don't matter to her. And you know what, that's OK. Your worth is not wound up in her. You need to seriously just distance yourself. But I can see that unless she totally stops coming to your home and interacting in any way with you OR your DH you're going to continue the cycle. WHY are you surprised? Hell, I stopped including the SDs in any of my plans about a year into being with DH, even if it was FREE.
I tell myself this on the daily
When shes with us, whenever. I tell myself that I dont matter, that she has zero consideration for me. In an effort to not let it hurt me.
Im still surprised at her utter lack of response. It could be tied to Toxic Troll getting eviction notice (again)
Boy this resonates. Except.
My skids are mid thirties to mid forties and do this to their DAD! Constantly. It's very alien to me. Just a thought on the extra ticket. I would reach out to the host and see if there's anyone in the group that can't afford to buy a ticket or offer it up to someone else. I will never understand how people can be so discourteous and then act like it's no biggie.
I thought of doing that as a sort of "sponsor"
But as a childless woman, I dont really know anyone who would want the ticket.
Could be the best $18 you spent
You know BM true colors. Disengage from SM. From now on if SD saids something like BM likes to. You say. mmmm. Then forget about it
thats a good way of looking at it
Its just really weird.
But my friend said it to me like this "if the mother is sh!t, the kids will be sh!t too".
This is very true. I am
This is very true. I am seeing Little Idiot getting more and more like her mother. I don't see good things ahead for B/M. She may not be as bad as her mother and sister but she's not good either and they typically get worse as they turn into teens and adults.
Where is your husband in all
Where is your husband in all this? Was he aware of these plans? He's the one who had to get on SD if she wasn't responding. And he had to pay for the ticket if she refused to respond. You are learning that she's not interested no matter what you do. Buy tickets or do things. Why did you give her 60 bucks. That's a lot of money. Don't plan anything and don't do anything with her or for her. It sucks but you just need to stop
Darlin', SD was nice for 5
Darlin', SD was nice for 5 minutes and sucked you right back in. You should let her prove herself several times before you re-engage. If not, you'll keep repeating this cycle.
Why do you give this little shit so much space in your head?
Stop that.
You know how this ends. With the outcomes you see daily from TT, FF's daily failure confirmation and the degradation down that same shit hole of toxicity unfolding from B/M quit serving your heart up on the alter to SParental martyrdom to a failed shallow and polluted gene pool.
Take care of you.
Clove
You had great responses . Dont get sucked back in. There is absolutely NO REASON for SD to not respond after your repeated messages.
She ignores you, give her back what you get which is nothing.
Nothing, no more, never.
You are shining your light in the wrong direction. Shine it on you!
Also big daddio should be livid SD treated you that way. I know you asked him not to say anything. He should though, if he cared. Cared for you as a wife, and cared to be a good parent teaching the lil B how to be a decent human. Whats wrong with these men.