Not-So-Sweet 16 this weekend

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SD15 B/M is turning 16 Monday. No word the past few weeks about any plans, Ive not been invited to anything, and no word about the card (with gift card) that I left on her bed this morning, when I wished her "good morning" as she ate breakfast. It was a very small amount (under $100), but well, I keep reading stories about entitled skids, lack of appreciation. This is the first time no thank you for something Ive given or done. So we have been cordial, and no attitude, just eggshell walking and politeness.

Husband has no information about a birthday party. His only comment is "shes being lame about it" meaning no information. When B/M was younger it was a pool party hosted by toxic troll, and friends sleep over. Husband would pay for sleepover food and snacks and then the pool party toys, snacks, pinata and food/soda. He basically bankrolled everything so Toxic Troll could host. All that stopped for a while, and I am just wondering if thats how it will happen again this weekend, except it will be an after the fact money demand for a party that already happened.

They had been talking about doing a paintball rental and paintball fight party thing. But that would require deposits and locations, planning, etc. Soooo. Its really not my business and never has been my business. Just kinda sad today. About the kiddos in Texas, the lockdown yesterday by Husbands work (a man fighting eviction with an assault rifle) and the not-so-sweet 16.

YSD16 said nothing to DH or I

YSD16 said nothing to DH or I about what she wanted to do, either here or at BMs. So DH made a standard dinner after thinking it through...he actually came to the realization that if she didn't give him a response about what she wanted in spite of multiple requests, then nothing special is done. MULTIPLE requests. He did end up getting some ice cream for us, some sorbet for YSD (which she didn't touch, she's been rejecting her favorite treats now), and some fresh berries which she did eat a tiny amount of then took allllllll of the rest with her for school lunch/back to BMs.

I gave her a birthday card and that was it.

yes

that will be the extent of things. Its on Monday. I will have plans.

You've done your thing

You've done what was required, you acknowledged her Bday with a gift. You're polite, civil and open to any plans. You've done your job.

Clove, I always get the feeling that you think about "what if I had a child" when you are with Munchkin. I think that might be what's going on in your head as you think about past birthdays and that terrible shooting in Texas. Every mother in the country is horrified.

I wish you a peaceful day.

What if

Yes, a wistful feeling at best.

Just a check off my to do list.

Either its going to be a bankroll sitch or its going to suck, and neither is appealing rn.

It sounds to me that both of those options suck.

If I was a better SM

Id have something special planned for Monday. Thats the start of Husbands week anyway. But Ive asked a few times and am obviously not to be included in whatever MIGHT be happening.

PLUS huge reggae fest in our area. ive got plans, laters bae.

No, no, no, no, no. It has nothing to do with you being a better

SM.

Get that out of your head. I know you are being facetious, but... the whole self fulfilling prophecy thing cna start with a seed and build from there.

Your rock CLove!

Thanks Rags

You do too! And this weekend I will be Reggea Rockin out

Clove, her behavior has

Clove, her behavior has NOTHING to do with how you've treated her. It's her parents fault she is the way she is! Don't let her get you down!!

Ask her if she found the card

Ask her if she found the card when all three of you are together. Call her out in front of her father with genuine curiosity, not hostility.

Im not going to even bother with that

Its just a check in a box on my "to do" list.

Previous bdays I tried doing something special. 13th I did a strawberry pick and a cake etc...with shopping.

I would be done with the gifts

Altogether. Enjoy your holiday weekend. It's up to the parents as to what does or does not happen for her birthday.

And I would stop with the gifts unless she is genuinely grateful and reciprocating.

So Done

No more worries for me then.

As a married couple there's

As a married couple there's no need to do separate gifts. Either gift from both of you or no gift if dad isn't interested. Individual gifts from you is kind of like "trying too hard" and maybe that's how she sees it. Maybe she thinks it's from her dad. Who knows and who cares. She lacks class just like her parents.

You mentioned going out of your way buying her gifts and she never appreciates. I thought you stopped. Why keep doing it?I have better ideas how to spend 100 bucks. you know definition of insanity right?

I'd not worry if you are invited to a party or if there is even a party. Teenage parties suck anyways.

It's Friday night. Live your life. What SD does or doesn't do shouldn't even be on a radar.

Yeah thanks!

It is definitely Friday night Hopefully Im going to score some VIP tix to a wildly popular reggae fest happening in my area this weekend (RN) so Ungrateful Sd will be lost in the shuffle of my very busy life.

This year I spent aprox 50 or less. So Im getting much better at disengaging. Just sad that here I am, and well it just doesnt really matter...

What did your husband say

What did your husband say when she didn't thank you? I know (for me personally) I expect more appreciation from skids then they should give their parents.. why.. because we don't have to do anything!! Do I get it.. not really but my skids know.. that's my train of thought.

When it comes to situations like you and I.. we got to a point where gifts, dinners, etc become expected from us.. that's not reality though..nothing should be expected from us and lines get blurred.

Skids look at SO and I as Dad and Missk but BM is just "mom" not "mom" and stepdad. It's like stepdad doesn't exist because he never from the start did anything. He's been with BM around 8 years now so longer then SO and I.

Anyways.. your husband needs to teach her respect while in your home. She didn't thank you.. he tells her to thank you. If it's forced whatever.. it is what it is. What happens under TT watch you can't control.. you have to grasp that otherwise you will always struggle.

I know it's hurt because of the fallout of your relationship with SD.. Continue to heal yourself from the demise.. I'm sorry.

Nothing said

One of the things that always creates problems is the lack of communication. He has really nothing to say and I try not to make a big thing of it. Her bday is today - from me simple text and Im just about relaxing post-fes. Some cleaning. Short hike somewhere or a beach walk. Im letting go and it feels much better!

You can do this!