OT: Sister visits and her secrets are exposed
My younger sister, who is in her early 40's, visited from out of state this weekend. We hadn't seen my youngest neice since she was born so we invited them over for a family BBQ. The skids were annoyed that they couldn't have a sleepover and wreck the house the night before, so they fled to BM's house. No big loss there. We had a great time, except for the facade of perfection that my sister tries so hard to maintain.....it fell apart.
DH had a private conversation with my sisters husband, who admitted he was terrified of trying to tell my sister that they were not rich, they were in deep debt since 2020. He has 6 maxed out credit cards and tries to travel for work as much as possible, because my sister micromanage everyone due to her neurotic anxiety. She tells him what to do every second as if he is one of the kids. I thought I was the only one who got offended by her constant judgement and controllingness. She reminds me of my mom, who treated my dad the same way. My mom is mentally ill and refuses help.
So, meanwhile my sister insists on paying for everyone because she thinks she is rich. Dh offered to help them financially if we could. I worry that she is headed for a rude awakening, and hope this won't hurt my neices. Her husband is a good person and I fear he will divorce her if she doesn't get some counseling. Oh well. Not my problem. I just feel bad that my sister won't listen to anyone, including me.
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Comments
Offering to help them out
Offering to help them out financially is a nice gesture, but useless unless your sister and her husband mend their ways. Sister will charge her way back to debt. You'd be throw.ing your money into a bottomless pit.
First step is sister's husband being brutally honest with her about their finaces. Husband needs to lay out all the facts. Spending money you think you have is not the same as spending money you know you dont have.
Both of them need counseling. Sister's husband to figure out that deception (letting your wife think she has money) is not good for a marriage. Sister to accept current circumstances. Joint counseling to try to save the marriage.
Its a mess. It's their mess. They need to dig out of it themselves.
Sister's husband may want to put a freeze on his credit so that no new cards can be opened without his knowledge. Sister's husband can remove her from the card if she is an authorized user, but if they are joint users, he needs to call the company to see if they will let him close the card with a balance remaining (still have to pay the balance).
Aren't you glad....
Aren''t you glad they live out of state? You can't help but be concerned but it would be hard to watch the trainwreck up close.
Her husband brought this up
Her husband brought this up to yours because he is too much of a wuss to bring it up himself and he's hoping and outside party can talk some sense into your sister.
Nothing will change unless he has the conversation himself unfortunately.
Helping people like these is a waste of time, emotion, and money
Don't enable more of their poor decisions. They will not learn until their house of cards comes crashing down around them and they hit absolute rock bottom.
Let that happen.
It is the best thing that you can do for your sister. Only then she might learn something though I think the odds of that are slim and none.
Save your money. Giving them money would be akin to flushing it down the toilet though flushing it might clean your toilet a bit which is far more benefit than you would get out of giving your money to them.