You are here

Fiance Is Older Than Me; Not Getting Along With His Daughter

chrissyolsen1982's picture

Submitted by chrissyolsen1982 on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 8:55pm

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

Im 29. my fiance is 59. his daughter is 29 too. i know its wierd. but we make each other happy. im not getting along with her. condesending and rude and she thinks im out for $. the issue is i was in terrible finanical shape when i met him. couldnt make ends meet as a single mom. i was only a waitress. he's not rich. but he is well off. and she thinks im doing this to better myself?. what should i do? should i care? is it her biz

background info: her mom/his ex died three years ago. that's sad. but im in the same boat. my mom passed away 6 years ago, while i was preggo. i dont have alot of people i can talk to about this.

bridge's picture

Submitted by bridge on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 10:31pm

Sorry to say but I really think you should reconsider being with someone who could be your father and who has a daughter your age. This will probably come back again and again as a problem.
Is he worth it.?
And I;m sure you don't need the money that bad. Smile

caregiver1127.2's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127.2 on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 10:34pm

If you make each other happy is that not what life is about - yes there is a huge age difference - if he loves you and you love him tell his daughter to butt out or better yet have him tell his daughter to butt out - you are both adults and you can all do whatever you want!! Enjoy life it only comes around once!!! Did you wait on him and that is how you met? I knew a hostess once in New York that married very well because the guy came in and she took him to his table and he fell for her - people said she was a gold digger but 23 years later they are still together and going strong!!

Welcome to StepTalk!!

Shannon61's picture

Submitted by Shannon61 on Wed, 03/09/2011 - 11:10am

She needs to butt out and mind her own business. If you're doing it to better yourself or for love . . whatever the motive . .it's your business . . period. Is somebody putting a gun to his head? No, he's an adult and has chosen you. She needs to realize this and get a life. Either you or he needs to set her straight. If he refuses to do it, then you'll have to step up.

Years ago I too dated a man that was 15 years my senior. He helped me out financially because that was his job as far as I'm concerned. Seriously who wants to date someone broke? The only reason I didn't marry him was because I fell for a younger man and ended our relationship.

Either way, good luck.

dodgegal05's picture

Submitted by dodgegal05 on Sun, 03/13/2011 - 10:18pm

i know how you feel. I am 17 yrs younger than my fiancee and he has 5 step kids. 4 are younger than me and 1 is older. All but one is tolerable thus far. I have hopes for one other, the other 3 are lost causes as far as having a amicable relationship with. I have not been accused of being a gold digger as of yet, but I have been called other things i am sure. I have found for my situation that ignoring them and what they say has helped a lot. If they want to do something both my fiancee and i talk it over, this way they see that we are a strong team. As a result of not always getting what they want they have stopped coming around. My fiancee used to give into their every whim. While he is still a "father" they are all grown up and rarley need him as a "father" so i told him its time to be a fiancee. since then our relationship has improved a lot. It is unfortunate that they have little to do with him, but it has been their choice to do that. If you ever need to talk im here and will probably have a similar story. Smile hope this helps.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 5:16am

It really doesn't matter what SD thinks, it is none of her business who her dad dates. I mean really!! Good luck trying to control a grown man!

Don't let this girl get to you - enjoy your relationship and tell anyone who objects, to mind their own business. Good luck!!

somerg's picture

Submitted by somerg on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 8:36am

my dh and i are 23 years apart, i'm 28 he's 51, his oldest dd is 24, middle 14 and youngest 13 and my dd is 8. Through him i have 2 grandbabies, one of which is older than my dd by just months who is also 8 and another that is 5.

sd 14 and 13 HATED the idea of us being together and accused me of being $$ hungry and too young for their dad-but they mainly wanted mom and dad back together (fresh divorce).

i get "stared" at in public ALL THE TIME, and ppl often mistake him as my father but are quickly are corrected when we become so lovy dovy.

if you are happy then so be it.

i'm sure the sd is going to have an issue because he is with someone that could be her sister.

my biggest challeges with my dh is not the "public" view (that i expected), but his neices and nephew's/direct family that are grown and "don't approve" and hush until the holiday's but they are jack ass's anyways so i really don't pay a lick of attention to them

i wouldn't give her the "attitude" that it's none of her buisness, it may be hard for her to accept. maybe have fiance' have a talk with her.

prepare yourself cause "$$ hungry" is not the only thing you'll be called. and be as warm towards her as you can be

yeah it's odd being with someone old enough to be your parent but if you love them then you love them and no one else's opinion will matter

StillSearching's picture

Submitted by StillSearching on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 9:22am

My BF is 16 years older than me. His kids are 7 1/2 and 10 years younger than me. His D17 thinks of me as a peer. She doesn't see me as a mother figure so therefore she doesn't show me the respect that she would an elder. It is really hard at times. When we are out in public people think I am his 17 year old daughter and his friends make jokes about it...haha not funny it pisses me off. I am in my middle 20s and don't like to be judged as a high schooler. It gets old, but if he makes you happy and you don't mind that is all that matters.