To recap: While skids were at Crazy's last, SD told DH that she is acting different toward me because I "pushed" her when she was 7. (NEVER HAPPENED). I told DH he could handle it, because I am just baffled and annoyed and not going to argue with a 12yr old. After his initial convo with her, she had said she felt bad, but I was very uncomfortable and not sure how to act. But we also had this skid trip planned over Memorial Day wknd, and I honestly would have felt horrible not going- DH was so excited to take me, he thought I would love it and a rare opportunity to show me a place I hadn't already seen (I've been to most other states and it's one place I hadn't been). I wanted to go solely for DH. 

DH planned to talk to SD when she came to our house last Monday, and to be honest I was curious to hear what she had to say, so we agreed to sit down with all 3 of us. DH did phenomenal. He was very calm and handled it very well. He said we wanted to clear the air and awkwardness, and wanted to see where she stands on her statements. He said that her saying the things she did after how well I have treated her and how close SD and I have been was really hurtful to us, but especially to me because I'm proud of having a good relationship with her. I said, I'm not sure if you remember, but when this first came up when you were 7, and you said I pushed your face when your dad and I were lying on the couch, and then you changed the story and said I actually did it upstairs in the bathroom. I straight up asked her, do you really think I did something, or do you think it's possible you're misremembering? She said Nope, she has a real memory of it- Only this time, her memory is that I was sleeping and she woke me up by being loud, so DH yelled at her and told her to go upstairs to her room for a time-out (this girl never had a single time-out once I came into the picture- she was a great kid), and I came out of the bedroom and grabbed her arm and pushed her into the corner. DH and I both were like, ok that never happened. DH said, you were never in time-out, but even if it DID happen, that's not even bad, and not something you need to blow up into "My SM did this horrible thing to me and my dad defended her". He's like, if Truenorth was trying to get you to go into your room for a punishment, that is not the big traumatic abuse story you're trying to make it out to be (Also, it never happened!). I told her that I care about her and asked her to think about our relationship, and if I've ever done anything like that before? She said no. I said, do I even yell at you really? She said no. I said, you have been a great kid and I've never had to. I never had to grab your arm or push you. I said, I can't change your mind, but I would like you to consider the possibility that you aren't remembering this correctly, because I'm not a liar, which she agreed with, and I'm not lying now. I told her it is absolutely awful for someone to look at you and accuse you of something you know you never did. DH said that even if this happened, because she is convinced it did, doesn't someones actions over 6 years after outweigh one time, especially in an incident like this? She agreed that it did. He then asked how she wanted to proceed: Keep her distance from US (Love him for making it clear he was standing by me), or move forward and have fun and a good relationship like we have always had. She said "move forward". We immediately started joking, and it was like a switch flipped, again. She has been 100% fine with me since, like it was before this happened. I am definitely still leery and unfortunately don't trust her and almost expect it to go downhill again, but I prefer this over extreme awkwardness. 

We then went on this skid trip, and SD was great, but holy shit. We did some cool things that were fun (rented a UTV and went off-roading, swam in some falls, went to caves, mountain coasters, cool drives), but I remember why I hate skid trips. My DH does this thing where he will just start wandering off- skids scramble after him and jockey for position next to him, especially SS16, and since I don't scramble after anyone, I end up trailing behind the 3 of them like a child. DH and I have talked about this before and I told him I will not trail behind like a child, and he usually does a great job of slowing down to wait so I'm next to him, but then it just repeats the very next time we stop. If he is ever out of skids sight for a second, SS16 says, where's dad? Where did dad go? And then will GO AFTER HIM. Like FFS kid, he's coming RIGHT back, just leave him! Anyway, I finally stopped trailing after everyone and would just stop and wait for them to come back. We were at this swimming hole and DH was checking it out, skids running after him, and when he walked up to me SD actually came and stood directly in front of me to be by him. I said, Oh my God. DH asked what was wrong, I said nothing, because I'm not discussing this in front of skids, but when SS was changing and SD was in the water alone for 2 seconds, I told him I absolutely hate walking anywhere with the 3 of them because skids RUN after him and jockey for position next to him and I'm left trailing behind. I thought it was going to be a fight for sure, but all he did was go out of his way after that to make sure he waited for me so I was next to him. I could tell he noticed it though, because it's SO constant and he was literally always having to stop because skids had jockeyed their way in front of me. I swear, if I had to compete with a 16yr old boy to walk next to my husband one more time, I was going to scream. I get wanting to be by their dad. But DH is in the living room ALL the time, and no one goes out of their way to be by him then. Somehow SS16 just clearly thought his place was in front of me, next to DH. 

Also, SS has done this thing in the past where he puts the shoulder strap of his seatbelt behind him when we're driving, so he's only secured by the lap belt. NOPE. I noticed it once a year or so ago and told DH and DH reamed him out and told him if he did that again we would turn around and go home. That should have been enough. Day 2 of the trip I look back and see SS has his seatbelt behind him again. I'm sure he had it that way the entire 12hr drive, I just never noticed. I told him to put it on, and he says "I do have it on". I said, the right way, we've already talked about this. So he did. We were driving home yesterday and I look back and he's sleeping with it behind him AGAIN. Now i'm pissed. So you think you don't have to listen? He also threw a fit when he had to wear a helmet on the UTV. I said to DH, he has his seatbelt strap behind him again! DH gave me a look and said, "Just leave it". I'm like, what?? I said, we have both told him, so now he thinks he just doesn't have to listen? He said "Just leave it, it's a long drive". I said, You're saying that because you don't want to tell him to do it- Unreal. Then I said, Parent your kids! I didn't talk to him for 2hrs. Nothing is more unattractive than someone who lets a kid do things because they don't want to parent, especially after the kid has been told repeatedly, and told by me, so now it looks like I have no power or DH isn't backing me up. And this is for his safety. SS woke up later and DH said, all nice, "Hey bud, now that you're done with your nap, do you want to put your seatbelt on the right way"? *eyeroll*. I wanted to say, SS, we have told you repeatedly, now you're losing your phone for the rest of the trip. See how a 10hr road trip with no phone feels because you thought you didn't have to listen. But that's just me. I'm still annoyed by it, but if there ever is a disengaging situation, this is it. I let it go and didn't mention it again. If your kid gets hurt because you didn't want to parent, that's on you DH, not me. 

We had this amazing Airbnb out in the country, with a wraparound deck and awesome views. We had our own room, but we couldn't tell from the listing that the only bathroom was IN our bedroom....so skids had to come down into our room anytime they had to use the bathroom, and there wasn't even a door to our room. ZERO privacy. There was a futon upstairs that SS was going to use, and then we brought a cot for SD, but it "wasn't comfortable" and skids refused to share the futon, so DH bent over backwards and wanted to drive an hour to the nearest Wal-Mart to buy an air mattress for SD. We ended up finding one nearby instead, but then the air mattress was "too thin", and DH spent a ridiculous amount of time each night putting cushions from chairs under the air mattress so SD was comfortable. Now, DH will go to the ends of the earth to make sure I'm comfortable also, but if he had only put half as much effort into figuring out how we could have sex without skids walking in or hearing, that would have been fantastic. Instead it was mostly a trip with none, aside from a shower incident (sorry if TMI. lol). Each night DH and I would go on the deck and have drinks- while skids laid in the living room on their phones, never even going outside. WHY. It was nice out and an awesome view and they would just stay inside, just like at home. We tried to watch a movie and picked one out we thought they would like- they sat on their phones and didn't watch at all. After that we gave up and just watched our own show without them having a say. 

We have a "no skids in our bedroom" rule at home, but on this trip SD seemed to think that didn't apply. She said once "I'm going to go chill downstairs" (our room), and went down there. Um...what? The next night Crazy called (she called every night) and SD went down to our room to Facetime her. NO. I have meds out, personal stuff. Wayyy too intimate. I told DH, I don't like SD Facetiming Crazy in our room. He just said, yeah.... and kept watching TV. I was very clearly uncomfortable and he's like, well what do you want me to do? I said, idk, go tell her she can either talk on the phone in our room, or she can facetime her in the garage- but no facetime in our room. He went down and came up and said, "I told her, it was super awkward because she was talking to her with her back against the wall and felt uneccessary". I said, "Sorry, you are the one with the crazy ex, this is too close for comfort". 

Honestly, it wasn't as bad as other kid trips, but I will say it again- I DESPISE KID TRIPS!! We do them every-other year, so that means 1 more before SS graduates, and we talked about going to a state where my BFF's live, so I would have my people with me also. Hoping this tradition doesn't continue after that, or that we can resume it when they are 21+ and they can do things on their own and perhaps I will enjoy their company a little more. They went by Crazy today and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!