Demon comes today
I actually have nervous tummy, dreading it. Last time she was here she asked if she could go to Crazy's Sunday night instead of Monday because it's "more fun there". Whatever, bye! I wanted to ask which part was the most fun, where Crazy yells at her for ruining her relationship, or where she complains to SD that she has SD at her house so she can't have alone time with her BF?
On Thursday SD had a package come to our house and she called DH to see if it came and if she could have Crazy bring her to get it. First of all, I do not want Crazy at our house more than absolutely necessary. Even her evil presence outside ruins my mood. DH asked SD if she was doing better in Chemistry- SD is failing. He told her she needs to do better. Crazy was in the background yelling at DH, "She's doing the best she can!!". Which, is not even remotely true. SD had told us last time she was with us that she had a Chemistry test the next day. DH asked if she had studied, SD said no. He said, ok well you need to! She said "I will, in the morning". DH said that wasn't enough time and she claimed it was- 10 minutes was enough. Clearly it was not. So no, she isn't "Doing her best", and she's going to fail if you keep making excuses for her. Anyway, DH had had enough of Crazy yelling at him in the background of the phone call so he tried to say goodbye but SD kept pressing about the package and DH said she could get it Monday, SD said "I paid for it, you can't keep it from me", and started to get disrespectful, showing off for her mom. DH finally said, you can have it on Monday, goodbye, and hung up. SD called back at least 8 times in a row, repeatedly, and left DH almost a 2min VM which I'm sure was not nice. Idk who the F she thinks she is, or why she thinks that is going to get what she wants, but I am so over this girl. I have completely disengaged from her at this point, but if she comes here thinking she's going to be a disrespectful brat to DH in front of me I will absolutely not sit quiet for that.
She called DH yesterday afternoon- she only calls when she wants something. Every time she calls these days DH goes "Uuggghhhhhh", and hangs his head because he doesn't want to talk to her. Yesterday he didn't even answer or call her back. I don't blame him, I cannot even handle her. Last time she was with us she was decent, but it's like a pall is over the house. We're just always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And to think that DH has to PAY $525/month to have 50% custody of this.
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Remind me
How old is she?
From the OP profile.
From the OP profile.
2 skids, SD14 and SS17. 50/50 custody
Though the profile is 6+yrs old.
The Skids could be 20 and 23.
Demon is 15
Sorry, I should probably include that as a refresher.
Thanks for clarifying on the Skid age question.
Your profile named their ages but I was not sure if you had updated on SKid ages since joining STalk 6+ years ago.
Evil Aniki would return that
Evil Aniki would return that damn package or tell SheDemon, "Come and get the package. It will be at the end of the driveway, closest to the road."
SD needs to have her packages sent to Crazy’s.
Great question
Crazy is the favorite parent. Have them sent to her house! This was actually the 2nd package she got that week. The first one she didn't even ask if she could come get (we ask skids to text to ask if they really need to come get something so it's not a revolving door of Crazy at our house and we aren't surprised at someone walking into our house expectedly), but the first time SD didn't ask, she simply showed up unannounced and walked right in while I was WFH and I was like who the F is walking into our house?? The 2nd time and with that attitude, yep- it will be on the curb.
We live in a small town and I
We live in a small town and I always lock the door. Thus us due to someone walking into my former house many years ago.
Aniki I had the same exact
Aniki I had the same exact thing happen to me! I actually found a guy in my house! And that was in a very small town. He wasn't there by accident.
Have your attorney send crazy
Have your attorney send crazy a Cease & Decist order to stay TF away from your home. She can drop the Skids and pick them up from the curb and has no business on, in, or near your property beyond that. No need to tell DH you are doing it if he will not stand up to her. Do it on your own initiative and enjoy the banshee freakout from Crazy and the WTF moment with DH.
Have some fun!!!!!
Why would she have the
Why would she have the package sent to your house if she knew she wouldn't be there to get it for a few days? That makes no sense. I completely agree that you and DH just need to ignore her demands. This is a monster of Crazy's own making and it's only going to get worse because Crazy won't hold her accountable.
Zero common sense
She's been doing this every single week- this was the 2nd package she had sent to our house last week. Crazy picks her up from our house every morning and takes her the mere 6 blocks to school because I won't get up early to drive her a walkable distance because she's lazy, so...doesn't it make sense to have packages sent to Crazy's, and then she could just bring them to Demon in the morning...? OR, if she's at Crazy's for the week, the packages would just come there. Either way, she would easily get the packages the day they arrived. Neither of them have common sense though, so this isn't surprising.
She sounds HORRIBLE.
She sounds HORRIBLE.
In a nutshell
It's sad because it didn't used to be this way. We got along great just a year ago. Today DH tried to ask her about friends and life and she did not want anything to do with him and refused to give him any answers besides "idk" so he gave up. Exactly what I was expecting, except I didn't even bother trying. Yes she's a teen but he hasn't seen her for a week. She's just miserable.
This is not a young kid. This
This is not a young kid. This is a teen or early 20s demon spawn and minion of Crazy. Any shit she had sent to my house, I would give to the vagrants near the highway the next time I get caught at a light, without opening it. Or I would donate it.
She has more fun with Crazy, she can deal with Crazy when she orders stuff. My guess is whatever she ordered she did not want Crazy to know about it and it also had it delivered to Dad's to drive drama by asking if Crazy could come to daddy's to pick up the package.
Time for scorched earth on both of them.
I wish!
She is 15. We are stuck with her for 2-1/2 more years unless something major happens. I don't even know how we will make it.
What an entitled brat. She
What an entitled brat. She needs to have all her packages sent to Crazy's, and i don't think DH should let her open it if she can't be civil.
100%
I think she should have had to apologize for how she spoke before getting it. She absolutely believes she can do and say whatever she wants and everyone should still take her wherever (instead of making her walk) and give her gifts, etc. It's really something, but that is exactly how her mom is, so.
Two things
Firstly, she gives a sincere apology other parcel will be returned to sender.
Secondly, she stops having things delivered to your house because, as of today, they will systematically be sent back. This is a direct result of her behaviour and you are not giving her another opportunity to repeat her performance.
There should be some sort of
There should be some sort of consequence to her action about the parcel so she doesn't keep doing it and so she gets the point that how she's acting is unacceptable.
If it were me I would send it by Purolator but really slowly. Like say it's been sent by Purolator to her moms address. Then wait a few days then send it Standard delivery lol.
I am with you in that there
I am with you in that there is no logical reason why Demon;s stuff cant be just sent directly to Crazy's instead of all this runaround with having it dropped on your doorstep and having to worry about how she gets it. If she wants to be there all the time anyway, so what is the point? I would wonder if they just want that arrangement purposely just to try to stir the pot . Or to have some excuse to eff with you or make sure Crazy is still relevent. . Wouldnt put that past either of them. I am so over my SD too that , Id be inclinded to just send it to the post office saying that SD isnt at that address and refer it over to Crazy's instead.
Not meaning to make this about me or be totally heartless or unreasonable. , but I am also at that point when I feel inclined to do the same if any mail of SD29's trickle over to our place. Which it does from time to time, but nothing important that I know. of Id prefer nothing came our way at all since The point is that SHe is an adult and has her own place, mind you. I am glad this doesnt happen oftenas it has, but when MIL was living in FL, used to send packages to us , then have DH or me to have to worry about us having to deliver it to her and for her, since SD either didnt have a Driver License and even though she finally got that, almost never has a car so doesnt drive either way. .Another thing that has to be someone elses problem too. I mean she isnt hours away, but not down the road either ( thank god!), but thats kind of not the point. Either way,. I was not feeling personally responsible. I was especially annoyed when a package from MIL showed up when DH got tested postive for Covid and not feeling well, so ask me if being a personal courier for Princess was on the top of my concerns especially then? I coudnt give a rats ass when or how she got it at that time.
I am telling you, if Dh goes before me one day and I get even junk mail bearing SD's name, I am marching over to the post office myself, saying she is not at our address ( which is the truth) and to send it to her own. Or at least whatever the last known address I have for her that I am aware of.
I am not saying that SD isnt entitled to recieve gifts, but like I said. she has her own address. My MIL knew that SD's apartment is in a less than desirable area so was worried about it getting stolen, which I get. But on the other hand, that is not my problem. Porch piracy also happens in nicer neighborhoods too. If i were SD, I would get a lock box or a physical mail box at the PO ( there is one not far) if thats such a concern..she is an adult and supposedly so grown, so that shoudnt be so difficult. Or MIL could have sent gift cards which would have been easier and more discreet or sent them by email long distance, which is possible. I get e gift card from those who live far. This way she can use that money to get whatever she needs and thats probably all she really wants anyway. Nope..because that would mean making sense, which I learned not to expect from this family. You just cant;..without driving yourself crazy
In your case, you have every reason to ship her shit directly to Crazy's especially since SD has been acting like an ungrateful brat, so she doesnt deserve to have your or DH having to be her beck and call either.
I would not want crazy
At my home every morning. It's all crazy. You did not sign up for this . Nobody sing up for all this nonsense. Doesn't DH do anything. Can't he stop his ex in coming over every morning. You first have a DH problem.
I agree, that's a lot. I don
I agree, that's a lot. I don't blame OP for not wanting to drive Demon herself. It wouldn't be just driving. It would be dragging her cranky arse out of bed, telling her multiple times that it's time to go, and dealing with the demonic backtalk.
But having Crazy at the house or even at the curb every day would suck too. My SO's Bm2 picks SS14 up every day on HER days because he gets off the bus at SO's. But BM doesn't work a 9-5, just sporadic gigs doing beauty treatments, so she could absolutely pick him up from school or make arrangements. She could also pick him up at the same time every evening without multiple calls and texts, but I'm convinced she tries to be as annoying as possible, much like Crazy. I won't deal with that at my house and that's one reason i still live at my house. I think OP's husband needs to take on the burden even if that means getting a different job, but if OP agrees that this is the best way (maybe this job makes so much money it's worth it) that's their business.
Speaking of BM coming to the
Speaking of BM coming to the house every day. Came back to add i lost my shite this morning. BM2 here picks up SS14 after school on her weeks at SO's house, some time between 3 and 8 and only after a lot of calls and texts to work out what time is convenient for her. This morning she came by again because they "forgot something." B!tch you are at this house every evening before your custody times. Get what you need in your regular daily visits. SS needs the same shite every week so why is it a surprise every time?!
And this isn't even my house. I would be in prison if we had gotten married or moved in together.
The forgetting stuff drives
The forgetting stuff drives me insane. Sometimes it's the most basic necessities she needs every week. I don't need you and Crazy here again because you forgot crap!
And regarding the morning school pickups, trust me I struggle with handling that one. On the one hand, I made my stance clear to DH and Crazy- she was only allowed to pickup Demon on exchange days when absolutely necessary. That was followed for a long time. Now that SS is not around to drive Demon to school, Crazy just started picking her up. Here is the thing- it's a walkable distance. But SD is lazy. And she carries a small extra backpack out of necessity (she dramatizes how heavy it is to max effect so everyone feels bad making her walk), so even DH feels bad making her walk. But she HAS walked and is capable, she just whines about it so much it drives DH nuts and then he feels bad. Anyway, DH hasn't told Crazy to stop coming to give rides, so yes, it's a DH problem. But he knows if he does he will never hear the end of it from Crazy and Demon, so he is hoping I won't make it an issue. And so far I haven't because I honestly don't know that I care enough to fight about it. I'm over Demon. She gets her license in June and then none of this will be an issue so I'm just biding my time and sick of fighting about skids.
I hate every second of being a SM and at this point, with 2-1/2yrs left and so many issues with DH and I, I will be lucky if we make it. And then I will have dealt with all of this BS for nothing.
Everything you said really
Everything you said really resonates with me right now. At some point, the bullshit just becomes too much. I have so much anger and resentment for things that have already happened that i don't have much reserve tolerance for bullshit, even though the current level of bs is so much lower than the previous level.
Her stopping by this morning angered me, and i only heard about it, i was at MY house when it happened! SO was like "What do you want me to do? Tell her he has to go to school without his uniform?" I thought about it and i know what i wanted. I wanted him to be upset about her continually coming by his house. To not like the fact that she was so frequently there. Or at least have the decency to pretend to be annoyed by it instead of making excuses for it. Idk if that's weird or not but that's what i wanted but did not get.
Yes!
I completely get this. It is frustrating and annoying and a little bit of empathy towards you being frustrated and annoyed by her constantly being there would be appreciated.
It's the same with me, DH knows it bothers me, Crazy has gone to such extreme lenths to make my life hell, and said the most insane things about me, that it is not preposterous to not want her here. Occasionally it's nice if he is irritated also by her always being here giving Demon rides that aren't necessary.
I hope you just leave the
I hope you just leave the crap on the porch in a baggie so Demon doesn't have to come in while you're at home, and possibly working!! Nope. I always found it ridiculous from your accounts that those kids were never made to walk that short distance to school or your house. . Do they want to raise feeble, poor, unhealthy, children?
I believe they do, yes
Just Saturday SD had to work 6 blocks away. It was a beautiful day and we were going to run errands out of town. DH paused and said, well I have to go see when SD works- I said so what if she works? It's 6 blocks away! He said, yeah that's true, I just don't want her thinking she's getting a ride and then not come down in time to walk. First, I am not going to disrupt the entire day because SD doesn't want to walk 6 blocks ONE way. We would be home so he could pick her up. Also, she is supposed to be sending him her schedule, but she never does. Perhaps that would teach her to send it! I don't know how anyone thinks they are teaching her to be a more responsible person.
Possible reason
Based on my family's experience, SD might not want things delivered to Crazy's if she thinks Crazy might steal them.
And i bet if Demon could find
And i bet if Demon could find it in her heart not to act like a putrid little, well, demon, the packages would be better received. You catch more flies with honey.
Facts
Rumplestilstkin you hit the nail on the head. While we would talk to her about a better way to send packages, we would also not have an issue with her getting them, or find a better way. When you're a disrespectful little shit, it's a problem.
Not unusual. My SS's
Not unusual. My SS's SpermClan had a habit of stealing his things while on visitation. Though in the case pf an ill behaved SKid, a great learning opportunity for them to understand that they behave respectfully if they want the benefits available in our half of their blended family universe. If they drink the Minion brew from the toxic side, they lose the benefits of the quality side.
Yes, this is very transactional in nature but it also is a direct physical and emotional learning model for them (kids) to connect their behaviors and words to their relative comfort level. Engage with the toxic parent, and live a level of escalating abject misery applied by the quality side. Engage in the quality side and learn how to manage the toxic side. Balance the two and protect themselves from the toxic, learn from the quality, and develop into viable quality adults.
A supplemental critical benefit is having the structure in place to beat the ever living snot out of the toxic side by holding them accountable, regularly baring their asses for toxic crap, and demonstrating to the kids that behaving reasonably has benefits, while behaving toxically hurts.
I'd tell her that the
I'd tell her that the packages are locked away for safety and she can have them at her next scheduled visit. If she wants them sooner she can have them delivered to BM's. No wishy washy caving on that. Nothing changes without a little discomfort or hassle. As for BM being there, got a cop friend? Get them to pay BM a visit and spell out trespassing laws and consequences.