This is exactly the type of thing I need to hear thankyou. I am also open to the feedback that may say I am been harsh! My head today is about to explode questioning am I been bitter cause it's her, should she be entitled to a holiday? Is it because my ex is rubbish that I feel he does too much.

She has a different boyfriend all the time. The children love been with us. She has had domestic abuse in all of her last relationships (also has another child to another man) and we was informed last week social services are involved as she called the police to her ex who was threatening her (due to the fact her new bloke is his friend and ourvneighbour) 

I would love things to be amicable but she is not the type of person I could agree with. She is put first not the kids.

My ex always says he has them cause he wants them not for her. This is why i love him! He is so caring, so scared to upset me, if i say no he accepts that and a lot of the time i probably dont hear the repercussions as he wouldnt wantvto upset me of let her affect our relationship.

What is frustrating is she recently took on the ex 2 kids and after 2 months kicked the kids out as she 'didnt sign up for this'

Yet for some reason thinks it's ok to add additional days when I already think considering we both work and I have my own children and she is paid well is too much. I also think to just say I'm going on holiday not even discuss it is a joke.

I appreciate your reply and really not just hoping for people to just agree as my head aches from thinking am I been bitter, should she just be able to book a holiday? Is it because my ex is rubbish? When I ref to the kids been spoilt I dont mean that in a negative term I mean the kids get what they want/need when here as I think he feel s he needs to compensate for him not been there.

In regards to child support maybe that differs depending upon where you are from, taking into consideration the time we have the children his wage and the fact he supports our family too that is the amount he should pay according to the calculator. I feel that's a lot as I receive £130 a month for 2 children.

We have never had a court order and I have stuck to having the kids the same schedule as he had prior to been with me.

The only issue I have with that is why should I not have a bank holiday child free to allow her to every bank holiday. I work hard so does their dad surely we should get 1 day bank holiday where we get time for us.

The random messages to keep them on sundays now when it doesn't fit in with his working hours, my working hrs is unreasonable especially when the reason is as she is having drinks (bearing in mind we had had them since friday) so she has had all weekend free? Well this is why I need opinions? I think its unreasonable. 

If only a bigger house was an option it would make life much easier however I have done every thing I can to accomadate them so its feels like home when here however we are not in a position to buy a 4 bedroom + house.

The children are never aware of these conversations (at our end) what she tells them I dont know. They are never made to feel like a burden and love spending time here.

The family situation in their own home is very different from our, domestic violence with multiple exes, latest been social service been involved. When they come here it's a very different situation.

We dont have an court orders ect and I just feel its unreasonable when she mentioned a weeks holiday and we replied can you do a long weekend or do in school hols obv due to the amount ppl getting ready for school work, 1 bathroom ect school hols would work better for her to then say I have booked a weeks holiday in may.

Thanks for your replyv

That's correct so basically whenever we can when we are not working. Which in all fairness pays for her comfortable lifestyle. Whilst the kids on the other hand deal with domestic violence from every new BF and have to fend for themselves as her call on been a mother differs to mine (again no right wrong I suppose) but they have to do things themselves besides an evening meal even pack there own bags to come here which results in balls of screwed up clothes not for to wear, no underwear so we have already eliminated that situation by buying there own supplies for here, again I personally would be embarrassed to send my kids without everything they need and washed/ironed clothes

My thoughts are yes she has them more than us! However remembering they are at school every day and dont get home until after 4pm from 8am. So she actually has them evenings mon-fri and 2 Saturdays a month.

I'm not bitter about having the kids, its lovely to actually know they are been well looked after here, yes maybe slightly bitter about the fact that I never have a child free weekend besides the odd night my mum will have my kids to give us a child free night when we dont have his kids.

The bank holidays (expecting us to have them till monday) rather than sunday is every bank holiday to which I have put toy partner i dont think its fare that i dont get a day off work where i dont have not 2 but 4 kids. I firmly believe when i work almost full time i deserve that too.

I dont think I'd fair to rule out my childrens feelings either and as a mum have to put them as high up as what she wants/expects. They have done a fantastic job or sharing rooms/space in our house however I have to also consider weekends bother the oldest, she I'll not be happy sharing a bathroom house with 2 extra kids especially when she is in her final exams stage.

It's so difficult as I truly understand both sides in parts but dont think I'm been unreasonable to ask she do it in school holidays/long weekends or even when we take the kids away for a week! It seems it's all about making her life easy whilst our gets more difficult when we stick to what has always been agreed

Thanks for your feedback x

Hi thanks for your reply, in all fairness I think that will eventually happen with us especially his son (eldest) and hopefully at some point we may be in a position to move somewhere bigger however I also dont want to get into debt for a house that works for us as we have made it work for the agreed access. 

There has been many days we have them extra outside the times, if we have stayed at my parent caravan for the night, gone off for the day, birthdays ect. Is isnt an outright that's days/times end of.

I understand I took on a partner with kids and I should accept that but I also think mine and my childrens feelings should also be considered. And the last thing I want is to resent them due to been worn out and not getting a break, 2 extra kids makes a massive difference when you work and never get a break. 

I admire what you did and fingers x my situation works out as well.

Hi, yes space def plays a massive part I dont resent the kids been here in fact it's nice to know they are looked after well here.

So the bedrooms are very small, we altered my youngest s room had smaller radiators max storage to allow us a double bed in there for the girls to share (8 & 10) prior this it was air beds

My 16 yr old is in the other small room

Our small living room again had corner sofa no real space so again we did every space saving solution we could to allow decent sofa bed, ottoman foot stool for his bedding as again he was prev on an air bed.

I 100% agree re my eldest thoughts and whenever she comments to me I say stop! It's horrible how would you feel if you was in this situation but deep down I do understand she wants a weekend of peace as 6 of us it's just impossible for quiet/tidy and the kitchens like a non stop cafe lol

I understand 8 days for bank holidays but that is also 8 days where I can finish work and have some time out but unfortunately never get.

My ex, this play a on my mind and well said for saying that however my partner also agrees ask him for nothing as he has got an apartment stated having them, moved in after 2 months with a woman then she kicked him out, lived in his brothers spare room so could t have the kids and now lives with his 84 yr old mother in a bungalow so again no room for the kids. I spent 21 years arguing with him and trying to make him see sense however gave up eventually and if honest have no time/effort to even go there begging him to have his kids! His loss.

Thanks for your advice x

Thanks I appreciate that it may sound selfish but I dont want to resent the kids coming because I have worked and then when not working got another 2 kids.

I dont stop from 7am till 8pm mon-fri 

Have the kids all weekend every other weekend and all day every sunday.

Yes my ex need s to step up but after 21 yrs of trying to make him understand see sense I have given up, he has allowed himself to be in a situations when there is no room for the kids to stay so that's it, and if honest I dont want nothing from him and wint beg him to see his kids! His loss

My current partner will do anything for an easy life, he doesn't like confrontation, doenst like saying no and unfortunately has done everything she has asked him to do in the past. My point is surely that has to change now as he has got another family to consider. Dont get me wrong without this sounding horrible he leaves work at 7am gets home 8pm so really has nothing to do for my kids as I am here doing it so yes he has taken on me and my kids but not quite the same. We have the kids when we can without me feeling overwhelmed and run into the ground. X

Thanks yes def a different situation in the uk and £385 a month plus us buying own clothing for them, uniforms, holidays, allowance every week, compared to what I get £130 month for 2 children is a good maintainance 

My house is a small 3 bed which i own and am not prepared to get into debt by getting a bigger house when circa will eventually change and also this has been my home for 22 yrs. My children dont want to move. We have done everything possible to make it work for when his children are here.

Think i will def suggest a sunday off a month, my mum usually has my girls once a month on a saturday night so we get 1 night child free not that she should have to, his mum also helps out and has his kids when she can

This mum is certainly not badly done to having every weekend child free bar 2 Saturdays.

Thanks for your advice x

Think this is going to be the case, be reasonable and ask us not tell us! Why not go when we take the kids on holiday every year? She hasnt taken them on holiday for years, or accept that we arnt saying no but could she do long weekend or a school holiday. To which we are still going to have to use our work holidays when suits her! As well as taking the kids on holidays and using holidays for that ,as well as using holidays for my own child care issues as I am not fortunate to have an ex who is as accommodating as we try to be.

It's a battle when you question  yourself am I been fare! Am I been reasonable but I also have to think about me and my kids , I think I should also get child free weekends like she does, surely it works both ways? She doesnt have the kids all day as at school

She doesn't have them fri tea till sunday night 2 weekends a month

And she doesn't have them any sunday 11am to 7.30pm

She doesnt do bad to say 3 kids and she has them 2 saturdays a month and never a full day in the week.

Thanks for your advice x

My kids are with me every day, their dad doesnt have them overnight due to his circumstances. He has them once a week for a couple of hours as lives with his 84 yr old Ill mum.

Just to say from our end the kids are never made to feel un welcome and when I can outside the agreed hrs I always consider the fact that she may need help xmas for example I broke up the 21st until the 29th.

I had the 21st with my kids and had a day with them and then had my step children from the 22nd until the evening of the 24th. We had them part day the 25th then had them the 26th until the evening of the 27th, which due to work is the very best I could do taking into consideration I also work almost full time. Whenever i have time of work for my children i will also suggest having them when i can do i am trying my best.

Unfortunately my partner cant pick and chose his working hrs and commutes which makes his day so long (1 hr each journey to and from)

Its arguable that she has them on the fri and saturday on her weekend as i said the kids are at school all day friday, when we have the children it's full days quality time. In all respects when the kids are at school she actually has them 2 full days a month which is the 2 saturdays we dont have them a month, i think quality time with your kids should go hand in hand. Also to remember social services have been involved with her children now due to every new partner resulting in domestic violence between them, as a parent/step parent you can imagine this is frustrating for us judging us for doing the best we can when clearly she is not doing the best job of been a mum herself. In fact the saturday we found out social services have been involved we got aessage on the monday saying I am going on holiday for a week! As a parent I cant imagine how gutted I'd feel about that without thinking I will go on holiday. She has a responsibility to be a good mum too.

I rely on my parents for child care in school holidays myself due to work so beside the odd saturday she will have them to give us a child free night i would expect her to have them any extra after all they are my kids and my responsibility.

We have never actually questioned going on holiday without his kids, they deserve a family holiday too unlike her. Who hasnt taken her kids on holiday for years. Again we do this in the school holidays so it helps with her throughout the holidays.

I far from resent his kids been here and I treat them like my own. The difficult thing in this situation is there is only so much i/we can do. She also needs to sit and think what I do for her children and not just think of herself in this situation as there are plenty of times I have the kids when he isnt home due to work. I never demand changes example my youngest wants a sleep over for her birthday next weekend and is gitted I have declined as there is no where to sleep as it's our weekend to have the kids, there are occasions I have to put my childrens requests aside so we dont disrupt when we have the children and what plans she has so we are as accommodating as we can be.

The issue more than anything is there is no checking asking. It actually turns out now she has 2 1 week holidays planned one been in 3 weeks allowing us no time to make alternative arrangements with work at such short notice. As a mum myself I am realistic enough to realise i cant just make plans without having to consider my children and not just think about myself.

Thanks for your advice