Ex's sitting together at school functions
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I suppose I'm wrong, but thought I'd get some feedback. The issue involves school functions for my GF's 6 year old. My GF informed me that she sat with her ex-husband at the talent show. This really disturbed me. It seems that a married couple would sit together to watch their child, not a divorced couple. Sure, they're her parents, but they're her divorced parents, which literally means not together. He invited her to have dinnger--the 3 of them together, but she declined. Is that ok? Thanks.
I agree it depends on the
I agree it depends on the situation my ex and I are civil and our divorce happened when our son was 1 years old...We (including me, my significant other, his wife and their kids) would definitely sit together at events and are included in celebrating major milestones. My significant other and his ex - NEVER - their divorce is shorter and was hostile and she refuses to get over the situation...hence making it impossible to sit even in the same section with my significant other without causing a scene. Hope that helps!
depends. was it a ticketed
depends. was it a ticketed event with assigned seats?
my SD's school gives divorced parents 2 sets of tickets, neither of which are any where near the other. but they are indeed assigned.
and of course bitch BM always keeps the best set for herself.
My ex-H (total douchebag) and
My ex-H (total douchebag) and I always sit together at functions for our daughter. It doesn't mean we like it, but we like for her to know we are there for her as a united front. My SO comes along sometimes too and I end up sitting in the middle which feels VERY odd. Now we don't go out to dinner afterwards LOL, but I don't see anything wrong with sitting together
My ex has usually sat with
My ex has usually sat with BM1 ( I am BM2 now) at school functions. It never bothered me and if I went with we sat with her as well.
That said I will never be sitting with ex at any functions and I know that as soon as he lands some woman off the internet he will be dragging her with just to show me. He hates to attend things alone.
"To sit separately just makes
"To sit separately just makes it harder on the kids."
How?
It's been awhile since my Ex
It's been awhile since my Ex and I have attended a function together of BS's. Mainly because Ex doesn't come. But the last one was a soccer game... I think even before DH and I got engaged and married. We all did sit together. He brought his GF at the time. It was cordial. It made BS feel good.
DH and BM never sat together that I am aware of. But BM is a crazy bitch.
Sure it's OK. Why not? I
Sure it's OK. Why not? I could see being upset if she went to dinner with them (good for her, saying no!), but not over just sitting together at some random school function.
DH (and myself, if I go) usually sit with BM and her DH for school crap. We're not really high conflict, and none of us want to be, so we play nice. It doesn't mean anything.
My DH doesn't want to be in
My DH doesn't want to be in the same time zone as his ex, much less sit next to her. He would not do this. I can't think of anyone I know who sits next to their ex. My parents certainly never did. We grew up without needing therapy.
I wouldn't do it if it made
I wouldn't do it if it made my partner uncomfortable.
In 17 years the only time we
In 17 years the only time we ever did was last weekend at DD's college graduation LOL We don't even have a terrible relationship just don't see a need to sit together. My 3 kids are none worse for wear over it, they all survived just fine
Now with SO and BM that would be a great big HELL NO!!!!! I wouldn't sit anywhere near her trashy ass neither would SO she tries all the time to make a big deal about it. But we don't do it.
It depends on the
It depends on the relationship your GF has with her ex and how her ex respects YOU. If he is not respectful or the kids are not respectful of your relationship, no. If everyone is respectful of other relationships, no problem.
I make sure to get to school
I make sure to get to school functions waaaayy early knowing my ex is always late and will have to deal with standing room only. lol I hate thinking about FDH going to school functions with BM. It makes me actually sick to think about. Trying to play all nicey, nice. There's prob a reason he doesn't dish on how things go.
These responses are helping
These responses are helping me too. When DH and I started dating, SDthen8/9 was taking dance, and we all ended up at a recital. It was BM and new baby (diff daddy), then BF's mom, then BF then me. It was ok then since BM hadn't gone to crazy town yet. Then New baby daddy showed up and BM disappeared with him, but left new baby with with my BF's mom for about 30mins. Weird, right? Anyway- BF and BM exchanged hello's and goodbyes and that's it.
Now we are 6yrs later, BF and I got married and BM is a batshit hot mess. It has been very high conflict for 4 years now. SD has grade 8 grad coming and while I'm not attending, DH and MIL/ FIL will. I wonder where they will all sit? :O
I think I would be upset if they sat together because of what BM has put me through, but meh- my inlaws can do whatever they want. The plan is to meet for dinner afterwards. (no BM)
My ex, his wife, my husband
My ex, his wife, my husband and I sit close to each other at school things, within the same two rows at least. At my dd19's high school graduation it was my ex, my husband, my sister and her partner, my new sister in law and her 4 kids, 2 of my ss's, my ex's parents and sisters, all sitting together. At my ss's graduation from basic training I sat BETWEEN my husband and his ex-wife (who is still in love with him)! And at ds9's ball games my ex's wife and her kids tend to gravitate to where my husband and I are sitting. DH hates it but we all try to tolerate each other. I look at it like we all form our kids' fan clubs, no matter where it is.
My daughter's father and I
My daughter's father and I always generally sit together at any type of function involving our daughter. We have a civil relationship and just do what we feel is best to keep the "family" dynamic without it actually being that way.
I also get lunch with him occasionally during pick ups and drop offs just to discuss our daughter and her going's on. Maybe that is what he was trying to do with your girlfriend.
It just makes things easier I feel. If you're uncomfortable with it, you should speak with her about it and come to some kind of agreement. Also, bear in mind, them getting along (as long as it's just that and not something else), will make your life a WHOLE LOT easier when it comes down to the knitty gritty of custody stuff.
Both your DH and your XH seem
Both your DH and your XH seem to be men of character to be able to focus on the issue at hand rather than marking out their familial turf regarding your son and yourself. You and your son are fortunate to have two decent men in your lives.
Husband-in-law. That is classic. I like it. Fortunately my DW was not married to my SKid's Sperm Idiot so worthless POS will suffice as a title for him. He has no character.
Brilliant response
Brilliant response 'meerkat'!!! Agree wholeheartedly!!!
Generally if the Xs get along
Generally if the Xs get along I see no issue with them sitting together at a kid event. If..... neither has a new partner along for the event.
IMHO of course.
even though it turns your
even though it turns your stomach, the parents are trying to support the children as parents. this does not imply to you that they are getting back together.
sadly the skids might get the wrong idea.
when the adult skids came in to live with us, they had access to family photo albums with photos of bm and their father in happier times. that is to say before bm had an affair with a married man and left to marry him after he divorced his wife.
they started causing problems and then outright insisted their father divorce me. dh was on the fence at what to do or say, not having the balls to just tell them a divorce was not happening.
I think it's okay if
I think it's okay if everybody gets along. My DH and I attend family events along with BM (her SO mostly has refused to go because of my DH's daughter) and we have all gotten along just fine. In a few weeks I'm going shopping with BM and my YSD ha ha....the key is DH is respectful to me (for the most part LOL) and so BM doesn't get away with creating any issues even if she were to try to.
In some cases it may not be good though. When my parents divorced there was so much tension at get togethers with my mom, dad and SF that everyone felt uncomfortable including us kids.
So I think it really depends on the situation itself