More MIL Drama
So DH and I had our baby shower last weekend. MIL graced us with her presence, but never RSVPed because that meant contacting my Mom, who MIL refuses to acknowledge. My Mom made "Grandma," "Grandpa," and "Aunt/Uncle" pins for the shower. MIL wore hers happily until she saw step-MIL (DH's stepmom) also wearing one. She walked right up to step-MIL (DH's stepmom) and said "what makes you think you have the right to wear one?!" Umm step-MIL (DH's stepmom) has been more of a mother figure to DH and more of a grandmother figure to SS than actual MIL ever has. MIL kept mumbling crap during the shower about the gifts we received and that she didn't have the luxury to buy a big gift since they were already purchased. Funny thing is, my registry showed when she purchased her gift and she was one of the first people to make a purchase, so almost everything was still available. Before MIL left, she told DH "I missed a quilting retreat to be here for this..." Wow. You gave up something like that for your youngest son and first granddaughter, we should feel so blessed!
Today, MIL texts DH asking about Christmas; what we want and when can we get together. DH tells MIL we want money since we are building a house and have a lot of projects that will need to be done. MIL says "No" to money and demands to give a gift. MIL then asks when we can get together. DH tells MIL that we are available any weekend in December but that SS comes from December 18th to December 26th. We told MIL this because HCBM has a no contact order between SS and BIL in the CO, which MIL has been well aware of for 9 years. MIL then sent back a text demanding either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with her and BIL coming to visit... we reiterated that BIL can't visit if SS is here. MIL became upset and told DH that HCBM needs to "get over this shit." We told MIL that we agree, but HCBM is going to continue until the CO ends when SS is 18 just because she knows it hurts DH. We told MIL we would not entertain anymore attempts for MIL to force a visit between BIL and SS. MIL ignored DH and never responded. I'm just irritated because we did Christmas Day with MIL last year and it was hell, now she demands the holiday again. She isn't the only person/family in our lives.
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Wait, your MIL asked your
Wait, your MIL asked your mother what gave her the right to wear a grandmother pin at her granddaughter's baby shower? Lol! Does she think the first person to claim the title gets sole use of it, other grandparent be damned? I hope your mother just blinked slowly at her.
She sounds like a piece of work. No wonder your DH ended up with BM!
ETA: I see your clarification. She's still rude.
No, not my Mom... DH's
No, not my Mom... DH's stepmom of almost 10 years. MIL was mad that DH's stepmom was given a "Grandma" pin.
I see you clarified it,
I see you clarified it, thanks. What a bitch. Typical HCBM - I see why your DH was attracted to BM.
now she demands the holiday
now she demands the holiday again
Just because she demands it, doesn't mean she gets it. DH needs to stand his ground, let her know when would be good for the two of you, and she can make the choice to accept it...or not.
She sounds like a real peach (a rotten one).
DH did. He is good at
DH did. He is good at handling MIL. He finally said "we are available x dates." MIL never responded. DH said that if she fails to respond, she gets no visit at all. DH doesn't put up with her crap.
I'm just sick of her demanding it every year. Every December is always drama filled because MIL expects all the holidays and then is mad when we don't accomodate and if we do accomodate, she finds something else to complain about.
https://youtu.be/JXujX9xQ7Kg
https://youtu.be/JXujX9xQ7Kg
"EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE MY WAY AND ABOUT ME AT ALL TIMES!" - MIL (both yours and mine)
Purge the toxic.
Face palm. Time to purge the toxic. MIL or not.
The first thing that came to mind for me was to tell MIL she was not welcome at the shower because she did not RSVP and you did not plan food, etc... for anyone who did not RSVP. Buh-bye.
I get that some families have a toxic member. So what? Toxic is toxic whether it is an anomaly in one's own gene pool or not.
Again... Buh-bye.
MIL can be dealt with on a limited, planned, and tightly controlled visitation schedule that does not pollute anyone elses time with their family interface with you, DH, and your new baby.
My SIL has an SM who is a booze hound. My SS can't stand the woman because of how she treats his Aunt (my SIL). My parents being the amazing engaging people that they are invited her to their home for Christmas while my Brother and his family were there, as were we, it is a big house. 6br 4baths. The SM drank every bit of alcohol she could find. THen put the empty bottles back. Now, she is not included in any of my brother's family events. They will visit her at the hhome of which ever of her sibs she is couch surfing with but my brother will not allow her anywhere near his home or the homes of any of his relatives.
My SIL will occassionally throw the "I miss SM, can't we let her visit?" Nope. Not happening.
People like your MIL need to have their noses repeatedly and constantly rubbed in the stench that they perpetrate. If they want to perpetrate their crap, they need to smell it in full smellovision as everyone shoves it back in their faces.
This was pretty much what I
This was pretty much what I thought, tho without Rags flair. If this woman is so ill mannered why does she have to be around? Tell her no or too bad. You guys are the ones with all the obligations and schedules to manage, she can accommodate you guys or stay away. I don't understand why toxic people are allowed to get away with this. You guys have every right to set boundaries and enforce them.
My mom goes on quilting
My mom goes on quilting retreats and did one last weekend. However there was one lady that's been a total B lately that wasn't invited this time. I wonder if it was your MIL? What a small world it could be.
Well, What A Mean Woman
First, I am a quilter. A retreat would never interfere in me attending my daughter or daughter-in-law's baby shower. And I will add. As a quilter, I'd have showed up with a beautiful embroidered in-the-hoop quilt along with an everyday pieced quilt for my new grandchild. Your MIL does NOT represent the majority of quilters in this country.
Next, I'm SO grateful to you for giving the stepmom of your DH a "grandmother" pin. As someone who has been shunned and totally banned from DH's grandchildren's lives, that made me tear up a bit. Thank you for honoring her.
Now, for your MIL. Time to disengage from that hateful woman. I'd do everything to combat that biotch's ugliness. Give her YOUR dates for when you can exchange gifts and/or visit for Christmas and it would NOT be on Christmas Eve or Day. Take back your holiday NOW because you need to start thinking about next year when your baby's first Christmas will happen. Big hugs. You are a wonderful person.
LOL funny you should mention
LOL funny you should mention bringing a quilt. My MIL got on that topic with a friend of mine at the shower. She was bragging about how she makes quilts for every wedding and new baby in the family. My friend asked MIL what quilt she made for our wedding and what quilt she made for SS and our baby. MIL was like "oh I didn't. I only made them for middle BIL/SIL and their two boys." Facepalm.
DH and I both feel that DH's stepmom is more of a Mom/Grandma than MIL ever will be. I absolutely adore her and call her multiple times per week. Stepmom comes out for birthday parties, babysits SS as needed, and invites us over for family dinners, etc. We live two hours from her and FIL, but they always make the trip. MIL can't be bothered. She also lives 2 hours away but hasn't visited us in the two years we have lived here, yet flies 1200 miles to visit middle BIL every 6 months. MIL hasn't seen SS9 in 3 years (her choice), but then gets upset when SS is weird with her because he doesn't really know her. We used to live 20 minutes from both MIL and FIL/Stepmom. We saw FIL/stepmom at least twice a week, but never saw MIL in the 3 years we lived nearby.
Luckily, we rarely have contact with MIL. She calls/texts maybe once or twice a year, but for whatever reason always expects us to choose her for the holidays. We rarely do. Last year was the first Christmas in like 5 years. We never do any other holidays with MIL. MIL refuses to communicate with me (thank god) and she only communicates with DH, who handles her well. When she doesn't get an answer she likes, she stops responding, hoping DH will beg for attention... he never does. If she fails to respond, the conversation ends there.
My mom is an avid quilter.
When she and dad are on RV trips they always hit a few special quilt shops along their trip routes.
She has half a dozen of so sewing machines, a serger, two embroidery machines and a long arm quilting machine. While dad is not a quilter, he is her regular design advisor. She has a felt wall in her quilt room where she arranges her squares before she starts putting the tops together.
Watching her work and hanging with her while she is doing her thing warms my heart and soul.
Every GK has multiple quilts, she makes a quilt for every new baby in her neighborhood and the little ones all bang on my parents door to hang with Mr. and Mrs R regularly. Mom always has a small craft or baking project to do with the neighborhood littles. Mom and dad will not move to a 55 and older community because they want and enjoy the energy of a family neighborhood.
Quilters certainly can be some very special people.
Enjoy your retreats.