This is going to be lengthy so I will try to make it as short as possible. My now 18 year old SS has lived with me since he was 5. My husband has always had full custody of him because the BM is a repeat drug user and if she’s not in rehab, she’s in jail. When she is not in either, she had a few supervised visits throughout the years. Over the past 2 years or so (she seems to be better) he has developed a strong relationship with her and since he was driving, he would go see her and his little brother (different father) more and more. Throughout the years, SS has always been kind of disrespectful and he and I have always had an on and off relationship. Mostly though, things were “normal”. Other than the fact that he has always had a pretty serious gaming addiction and my husband never thought that was much of an issue, he didn’t do anything out of the ordinary from other kids his age.  Then he turned 15. I just happened to peek at his phone (since he has never been monitored and I found pictures of him in his phone wearing my underwear. The blew my mind! I had to throw all of my underwear away and my husband was embarrassed so I had to get into a huge fight with him to even speak to his son about this. This was a BIG issue for me. Also in his photos were pictures of frog legs. I found out he was finding frogs and tearing their legs off to kill them. For some reason, I seemed to have been the only person disturbed by this. Then comes 16 and he got in a lot of trouble at school. He’s always been kind of a bully and he did something so bad, the school couldn’t even verbalize what he had done, but he received the maximum out-of-school suspension they could give. That same year, we found one of my cats had tragically died. My birth son (who is only 6 months older) told me that when the cat died, my SS told him “good, I’m glad that effing cat is dead, I hate that thing”. I’ve often wondered since then if he did something to my cat. Flash forward a year later, he got in trouble at school again. The first day of school he snap chatted that he was going to blow the school up. He was made because it was a hot day and the busses were running late in the afternoon and I’m sure he’s just a stupid kid who made a stupid comment, but he got in a lot of trouble once again. Throughout his senior year, he seemed to be doing well. He was on high honor roll, received praise, graduated, received gifts and then began college in September 2020. He kept making comments about how difficult it was so we were allotting  all the time he needed to work on school (like, we would go away camping and he would ask to stay home to work on school and we said of course).  Now, I have to take a step back here. We had gone away one weekend during his senior year and he asked to stay home (he was almost 18 so we allowed it). We came home to dog pee and poop everywhere. We seriously have THE BEST DOG who has never had an accident in the house. We asked what happened and dude confessed “I just didn’t feel like taking him out”. This dog had to be in so much agony. So I’ve never been able to trust him again with the dog. I certainly cannot trust him to watch his 8 year old brother because he doesn’t. Like, I can leave them alone for 2 minutes to run to the store but that’s it. Anyway, my husband and I went away for our anniversary last year and while we would normally have him stay with his grandmother, he’s just about 18 so we let him stay home. Plus we had my mom and 2 friends coming by daily to take care of the dog (insert eyeroll). 3 days into our trip I get a call about SS’s little brother being here. It turned out that the day we left, he went and got his 10 year old brother, snuck him in the house and was having him stay here while he went to work all day. We were pissed and he just couldn’t understand why. We tried explaining to him and he basically called us ridiculous.  Anyway, back to school. He begins college, is having difficulty so stops going to work. Doesn’t quit, just stops going to his part time job. He confessed one night to my husband that he is having difficulties because he never actually did the work in high school. His friend was doing it all. So he never earned high honor roll. Time goes by, he lost his job and here I’m thinking he’s working on school work and we find out in January, he dropped out of school in October. So what has he been doing? Playing PlayStation all night and sleeping all day. How do we know he dropped out, we got charged for his school books that were rented. So I had to go to his room to find them so we could return them. I open his desk drawer thinking that’s the obvious place to look and what do I find, TONS of empty beer cans. It smelled so bad. Dude sits in his room and drinks all night? WHAT??? So, no books. I see a bookbag peaking out from under his bed. It’s heavy. I open it and it and what I see is really ODD. So I kind of just said “weirdo” to myself and left his room. It was bugging me though. Something isn’t right. What are these things? I go back and get one and google image search the crap out of what’s in my hand to find out HE IS GROWING SHROOMS IN MY HOUSE. He has a book bag filled with small mason jars and dirt IN MY HOUSE.  He just doesn’t see what the big deal is but he’s decided I am the enemy. So from early January until February, he avoided all contact with me. Walks by me and purposefully diverts his eyes and I’m sorry but this has made me very bitter. And the growing drugs have made me VERY angry. My husband told him he had to go stay with my mother in law for a bit. We clearly needed a break from one another. Well, my house has never been so damn peaceful. Until this past Wednesday where SS decided to move himself back in. My husband and I have gotten into a huge fight over this. I came up with a set of rules (number one being no drugs in my home) and SS basically thinks I’m the devil. But he won’t leave. I told him he knows where the door is if he doesn’t like it, but yet he’s still here. My husband has resentment towards me at this point for what this relationship has turned into between his son and I but I’ve really just been broken here. I’m a damn mess half the time. I’ve been really the only mother figure in this kid's life and did it happily and I’m in a bit of shock right now that at 18 (almost 19) years old, this is when the conflicts begin.  I know he’s still doing drugs. His father has to TELL him to say hello to me. I’m so tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own home. My husband is trying to get him to go back to stay with grandma (the woman babies him so it’s not an unsafe place) but I know deep down he has to hate me a bit because it’s really depressing him. I have no one to talk to about it all. I’m just, feeling lost.