I decided to take “the high road” with SS8 the other day and quite honestly I am happy I did. He usually ignores me, lies to daddy about things I say or do (that I do not). Talks back to me constantly when he decides to talk to me and for a while there I began disengaging because I just didn’t want to put up with it anymore. It’s depressing.

So, Saturday he and I were home alone and he came out to sit on the deck with me and we were sitting there in silence basically and finally, I initiated conversation:

Me: SS, do you remember when you and your dad first moved in here (he had just turned 5).
SS: Yes
Me: Do you remember when your dad used to work at night and I put you to bed every night and read you stories and you would give me a big hug and kiss and tell me you loved me?
SS: He turned a little red and said “NO!”
Me: Well I remember that very well because it always made me so happy!
(I ended up having a miscarriage a few months after that lasted for 3 months and was always in pain and distant ~ depressed because I was 3 months pregnant and it seemed that since that had happened and DH started working days, SS wanted nothing to do with me)
Me: Well, I don’t know if you know this or not and I want you to know that I love you.
SS: You do?
Me: Of course I do! Do you love me?
SS: Sometimes.
Me: Well that’s ok. You don’t have to love me but I am glad that sometimes you do. I know once in a while I can be pretty tough when you and BS start fighting and don’t listen to rules but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.
SS: BURSTS INTO TEARS!!
Me: Come sit next to me

And then for the next ten minutes I just hugged him and he hugged me back. I asked why he was crying and he said he didn’t know and I told him that was OK

Since then, he has asked me to participate in games with him. Gives me hug whenever I am leaving or he is off to school and in general…speaking to me! I often think how difficult it is for this child who doesn’t get to see his drug addict mother very often and he loves her so much but it never really occurred to me that perhaps all he really needed to know was that I love him too! Here I was ready to disengage and do I think this was a permanent solution to any problems…probably not, however definitely a step in the right direction and whether or not it lasts, right now my home has a sense of peace and I think we are all a little happier!