He should not move in with you.  It would be bad for everyone including your SS himself.  He won't get better until he hits bottom which might change his thinking and make him receptive to rehab.  Moving in with you would be bad for you, a recoverig addict, putting yourself in possible physical harm.  It would be bad for your wife because it might cost her her marriage.  It would be bad for your son because SS is a terrible addict role model.  I agree 1000% with you.

Good luck.

You are right on not allowing the felon in hour home.  You and your wife owe yourselves your own sobriety as well as peace and cannot risk it for this convict.

Take care of you.

And then wants to move in?   Only answer is Just Say NO    No way,   Your wife can move in with  her DS. And he can support her.

The fact that he put his hands on you, your son witnessed it is more than enough reason to never allow him on your home. He is am adult and needs to figure it out on his own. Your responsibility is to your minor child.

He should absolutely not move in with you.  It will just be a continuation of his sh*t.  Your wife needs help because she can't stop enabling him.  She calls it "helping" but it's enabling.

You've been accused of not liking him, but seriously  what's to like?

It's a firm "NO" that he should not move in with you.  I'm guessing your 18 yr old is close to graduating and needs to focus on this milestone in his life.  I have seen the damage that parents do by enabling addict adult children. I witnessed my mother do it and also my husband doing it with his mid 30's son. My brother is in his mid 40's and still having issues, IMO largely due to my moms incessant enabling. Skid 33, is still unemployed, perpetually stoned, and bouncing from mommy's to other relatives homes since he has a hard time keeping a job and paying rent.  "Doing it for them," never helps and only causes them to rely on someone else rather than making their own way and recovering.  That being said, there is a difference between a "hand out" and a "hand up."  When someone gets out of prison it is best if they have the support of friends and family, noone really does it on their own.  Support can come in many ways besides housing and complete financial support.  Helping them to find housing, maybe helping with the security deposit or first months utilities, gifting them a bus pass, buying groceries to help set them up, connecting them with food banks and 211 resources in their area, paying their first phone bill.  These are all just suggestions of helping someone but not continually paying their bills, thus taking away their ability to live their own life.  

My adult ss would be happy to live with daddy and have daddy support him for the rest of his life...he's tried this! I've had to set very firm boundaries that ss will NEVER live with us again or spend even one night in our home. One night, turned into two weeks which turns into months, and so on.  We have the agreement that if he is truly homeless, has nowhere to go, and it's freezing outside, that we will pay for his hotel or for a short term rental. It's an imperfect solution, and a cost to us, but it keeps DH from moving him in and completely supporting him.  Luckily we have not had to do this since BM has decided to take over the enabling positon, but that is plan B.  

Draw that line, protect your home. SS is a big boy now.  

is the answer.

She refuses to stop enabling him, so you need to do some tough love on her, and set up some firm boundaries.

Not much to like about that kid.

I have SD21 Feral Forger. She bounces between places and always ends up with her mother Toxic Troll. She STILL has no drivers license, no job, and not going to college (currently). She goes out with friends, gets high. Shes on 6 diffferent medications. She steals and has forged checks she stole from her mother. With her its constant drama. Never ending drama. Toxic Troll keeps trying to "make her" do things, but FF doesnt see anything wrong with who shes become. You cant help someone who doesnt see anything wrong with the choices they are making.

SD21 Feral Forger called us crying and sobbing and cursing, asking to pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease let her move back in with us.

Meanwhile, Im getting texts from SD14 Munchkin, to please dont, if we do she will "destroy herself". Yup, even her own sister dislikes her.

DH said no. Her moving back would destroy his life that he has worked hard to build. His marriage, our house we bought together, our fishing boat, our stuff, hed lose it all (because I swore an oath I would never live with that filthy, lying pos ever again...). IM lucky that DH is no longer an enabler. Lucky he has the backbone, now, to say no and stick to it.

Why was she crying? because Toxic Troll asked her to clean up after herself. Boom. That was the big drama over christmas.

Absolutely be the tough love person and do not back down!