step father cutting ties with adult step children
i am writing this because i cannot take anymore.i met my wife 17 yrs ago my wife was recently divorced with 2 kids her son was 15 and her daughter was 18.my wife was abused and in a relationship involving addiction also.i met my wife and eventually we rented an apartment and her children did everything in their power to hurt me etc well its 2018 and her daughter is in her mid thirties and so is her son who has a drug problem im upset because they crap all over my wife and use her and they treat me bably also.im am constantly talked about and the cause of all their problems.i am currently disabled because i was hurt a few years back and im judged for that and how their mom works and i dont but i do get a disability check also its really none of their business ive tried many times to make it work im tired of being bad rapped and then we go to a function at her daughters and notice people look at me like im some monster which shows me her daughter must be telling everyone bad things etc,her son is married lost their kids to dcfs,has 2 felonies for drugs and im tired of helping and giving money etc etc my wife keeps enabling and gets upset when he drives her insane,he shows up at her job abd harasses her until he gets money etc i have helped this kid numerous times with rehab,cars,money etc and he leaves messages on answering machine calling me filthy names etc my wife and i also have a sone together who is an honor roll student etc and i try to shelter him from her other son hes bad news.my son has heard the messages by the addicted son calling me names etc and my wife blamed me etc it would take me forever to go into everything i love my wife but i dont feel she sticks up for me and puts her children in their place.mind you their father was an addict who wasnt their for them in teen years and is currently passed away.i have been there and always treated like shit i cannot take it anymore and my wifes enabling is the problem.i feel like i have nowhere to turn,he calls and tells her all the problems,like we are losing our apartment,i cant firnd a job,we dont have this etc etc they also lost their 3 kids because of drugs his wifes parents have them i refuse to be a door mat and i dont want anything to do with her kids anymore.i dont go by their houses and i dont say anything unless my wife asks me etc i guess im venting im just tired of how ive been treated and they only want my wife around for what they can get.she always ansers well they are my kids well her kids are adults and it needs to stop.anyway i apologize if im off couse etc thank you for letting me post
What a mess. You are 100
What a mess. You are 100 percent correct that your wife's enabling is the problem. Would she be willing to go to counseling with you? She needs a therapist who is experienced with addiction. I would tell her unless something changes, nothing will. Her son will follow his father into a early grave and she will have paid for the trip.
You and your wife would
You and your wife would benefit from attending alanon and possibly further counseling. The problem is that the "help" given to the son is doing more to hurt him by letting him maintain his bad habits. As far as her other daughter.. it is really your wife who needs to work on shutting that down.
Al-Anon
I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last weekend. If you're naturally therapy-averse, it isn't therapy. It's just a group of other people who are experiencing the same thing as you, doing their best to cope, and trying to do the right thing. I'm not currently living with an active alcoholic. However, I'm an adult child of an alcoholic and I'm in a relationship with someone who was once married to an abusive alcholic who is the father of an adult child of an alcoholic. Confused? That's how far-reaching addiction is. EVERYBODY suffers.
i appreciate your comment
i appreciate your comment believe it or not my wife and i are recovering addicts so shr should know better but she cant let him go.we are both clean and sober my wife has about 12 yrs and i have 9.thank you for your comment
your wife is an enabler
my advice to you after seeing something like this destroy my parents, open a seperate bank account, don't give the addicts money, and disengage from them entirely. if your wife chooses to continue enabling at least your money will be safe and it's her choice to continue to do it. an addict as you know will do or say anything to feed their addiction. I agree with going to alannon the others there might be able to give you some tips on safeguarding yourself .
Time to move.. to a galaxy
Time to move.. to a galaxy far, far away. Distance fixes these problems.
Find a place where you and your bride can make a new life, her career can flourish and you are rid of her toxic adult prior relationship breeding experiments.
There are two kind of
There are two kind of families..enablers and NON- enablers. There is no grey area.
I bet IF you would take a hard look at your wifes family it is a pile of enablers. Her parents, her siblings, Aunts Uncles. THEN those Of who are not at family gatherings most likely have put miles between the crazy.
The kids you speak of will also do the same IF they have kids. Generational unless one walks away from their nonsence.
This is destructive...and she/THEY will drown you in the process. Before you know it your home will have not 1 but maybe 2 mortgages,,retirement cleaned out or darn near it.
Time to jump ship before it sinks with you in it.