I have a 17 year old daughter and God knows that is hard to deal with on its on...but Ive raised her to respect others and not to think that the world revolves around her.

I have to say that this place is a God-send already. I thought I was crazy, evil, cruel and selfish for the last 3 years plus. Im so frustrated, confused and ready to drop the whole part of my life that came with my Husband. I knew my Husband wasnt the pick of the litter when I got with him. He was a flaming dopehead with two kids by two different BM's, lived with his parents...etc. I dont know why I even wanted to be anywhere around him. When my DH and I started dating, his ex scheming wife broke us up by Facebook and to make matters worse, DH was lying to me about being at work the same day. So, I broke up with him and let his parents know he was hardcore on drugs so they could get him some help...I was really scared he was going to die from so many nights of laying there shaking him back awake so the oxys didnt kill him in his sleep. Well, even though he had gave the evil ex-wife the ammunition she needed to break us up by telling her about our problems, I got called every name in the book...nothing was ever said to the ex. Anyways, they "supposedly" have a 7 year old daughter together but DH doesnt really thinks she is his, especially since she looks so much like the man his ex left him for...but doesnt attempt to get a DNA test. His ex has slept with just about everyone in this little town and DH took her home and married her after a 5 man gangbang on her....Im sorry if this is unappropriate talk, please just let me know.

I have suffered so much in this marriage...if it can be called that. I dont understand why he wouldnt want a DNA test and I dont understand how he can love the child the way he says...he lived with her until his ex left him when the child was 1 and now the child is 7 and he hardly seen her and hardly ever wants to see her. She spends most of her time with DH's Mom. Ive raised my daughter....side by side...no ones help (lost my mom and dad early)and he tells me that his bond with this child is right up there with the bond I have with my daughter. Theres no way. I know until recently, he let the ex walk all over him the same way his Mom does until I threatened to leave. Ive had to even get out of my bed because when the child was 6 years old, she wanted to sleep with my DH....even though he wasnt allowed to wipe her (at age 5) or bathe her, or see her in a t-shirt and panties because his Mom was afraid the ex would try to say something to get my DH in trouble. (Yep, thats the kind of ex Ive been dealing with) But...DH is gonna tell me to go find somewhere else to sleep if I didnt want to talk a chance of the ex saying something about me and let the child sleep in there with him all alone????? At this time. I had severe problems with my sciatic nerve, so sleeping on our couch proved to be a restless nights sleep many times.

He has another child too....DNA confirmed. The child was born to a very drug addicted Mother. When I first married my DH, all we knew about this child was that he had to have a leg removed from the knee down because of drugs in the womb. Now, hes had multiple kidney surgeries, has to be cathered every three hours, and has been on antibiotics all his life. He is always getting sick and needs to be rushed to the hospital. His Mother has him 95% of the time. This child is treated so much differently than the little girl above. It makes me sick to see it.

He hasnt always been sweet to me either. After I had back surgery for the sciatic nerve pain I was talking about above...3 days after exactly...he left me home all alone knowing I couldnt even stand up or get out of the bed, so he could go and mow his Dads grass, that his Dad didnt even want mowed. I thought he was playing around with me but no...he left...3 hours later, came back, never even called to check on me during this time, I was still lying there of course, crying, trying not to wet the bed because I couldnt get up tp use the bathroom...he asked what was wrong and when I told him he shouldnt have left me like that he screamed at me and told me that his Dads back was hurting and if he needs him, hes gonna be there for him and if I didnt like it, I could get the f#@k out!!! And I wouldve if I couldve stood up and walked...but as the next month went by and I was able to move along, he apologized and said he was wrong and of course I stayed like an idiot. I mean, people dont treat animals that way....but when his Mom got sick, he took her to the hospital and stayed there all night to comfort her. I know Im wondering off topic but this all plays in to his personality and why he acts the way he does with the little girl.

Now, the little girl is 7, he gets to see her once a week because he only has one day off of work a week and thinks thats every minute of this time is owed to her. They will literally lay in our bedroom all day watching cartoons, coloring or playing games. When they decide to be in the living room when my daughter isnt around, he expects me to sit there and dote on her like he does and this little 7 year old girl is a complete smarta@s...always saying very rude things to me or trying to demand I set down and color. My DH gets mad when I dont sit by his and her side the whole day. I get up, cook, clean, or find something adult oriented to do because Im an adult. I didnt do this with my own child, I wont do it for someone elses. When my daughter is around, he hides from her in our bedroom....but hes gonna call me out because I get up and move around??? Theres no words for the amount of anger I feel over that!!! If me and my DH hug, kiss, set beside each other, etc...the little girl will say....Da da, pick me up....or try to force her way between us and usually succeeds. When she was 5 and 6, he would actually get mad at me for not wiping her when she used the restroom. My DH has told me that his kids are part of our marriage vows and that the Bible tells people that they have to put kids first...I know thats not true....and I am an idiot for loving him and putting up with what I have...I was an idiot for even thinking that the person he was would be a great pick for spending my life with. I still love him un-like Ive ever loved anyone else, but I hate myself for it.

There is so much more to this story....but I dont have the strength anymore to tell it all. Im glad I found this place because its the first time in over 3 years that I actually feel like Im normal again. Ive been diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago. He has absolutely tore my world into pieces and my heart. I just cant believe someone can be so selfish....he cares way more about the little girl that hes not sure if its his or not than the son he knows for sure is his. Im just wondering if its really the little girls Mother that hes still holding on to. I dont know....my head is swimming just from writing all of this. Thanks for reading and I hope to get to know you all better!!!