Hope this is the correct forum
My fiance and I are having real issues with his daughters grandma his ex's mother. She's passive aggressive and lavish with cash and gifts to the point that his daughter 7 thinks we're mean because we don't lavish things on her bc we CAN'T. SD7 lies to gma saying were mean when we have perfectly normal rules. Last week she went to Dunkin Donuts and Ritas ice cream both 5 days last week - gma drove us to the beach and I TOLD HER I cannot CANNOT stay past 2 hours bc I'll get sun sick we can't stay all day. She immediately tells SD7 yes you're staying all day bc she starts asking the same question over and over again. Fast foreward 5 hours I'm burned to a crisp and my shoulders are pussy and painful and I'm sun sick. I tell my SO all the time I'm fed up with the snide comments (she told me I'm mean I ask SD7 to finish her sandwich and I should make croutons with her leftovers ... I'm sorry we cannot afford to waste food! No! Its not child abuse to have a child eat their meals!) I'm fed up with the lavish gifts and just UNREALITY of it all. SD7 thinks we're so mean bc we dont take her out every time she demands it or let her order 4 entrees at a restaurant, or buy her every toy she wants. GMA takes her every weekend to keep her away from her half brother and sister when they visit. They shit talk the children together. It's just so toxic. Last weekend she bought her every disney princess outfit ever made and had a fashion show sending my fiance goopy texts isn't your sweetheart just perfect? Isn't she the most beautiful thing ever? 500 pictures. Eye roll. And I'm mean bc i don't do that with her. He thinks it's nuts but he's used to it. I've made an effort to have a relationship with GMA bc SD7 loves her but me and my fiance are fed up. He says she's insane and we have to deal with it and trust me he knows she nuts. He puts her in her place plenty and she still does exactly what she wants. It's too much it's creating a monster and it's 7am and sd7 just asked to call Grammy on the phone. Like Jesus u just came home late last night from a 3 day sleepover getting all u desire. Greedy little twat I'm fed up. Please help me.
More info ...
Like this woman... If we ever say sd7 is anything but perfect she gets mad. And the other day which started all this my sd7 said when will the world open back up? I said well hon we're healthy and we have to focus on the good! So let's just be happy we are ok and GMA looked tight lipped so i said confused ... Don't you think it's foolosh to fear Grammy when we're well? And she said she has to be afraid! We're gonna be fearful bc we CAN'T ignore our feelings. My fiance was pissed over that like real pissed. You don't invite fear into your life and you don't teach a child to fear.
Oh and we catch her lying to
Oh and we catch her lying to GMA all the time about what goes on in our home. She tells GMA we ignore her alll day and do nothing with her when in reality nothing is further from the truth. GMA had a pool party for sd7 a week ago bc she was starting school soon and when we came in GMA started crying saying we (meaning my fiance and I) better get into the pool and play with the children bc by God they deserve 1 day where it's all about the kids! I was thinking every day is kid day ... Wtf is she talking about? We spend all day together read every night play garden watch tv ... We just don't buy her 25 princess costimes and wigs and devote entire days to talking about how pretty she is.
Is this GMA fault or my fiance for not stepping up?
Why is this woman so present?
Grammy was with SD7 since
Grammy was with SD7 since birth and SD7's mother left her and she was that female figure to show her love before I got there. She buys her all her clothes and shoes and my fiance has the van during the day while he is at work so I called Grammy and asked her if she would mind dropping us at the beach while she was doing errands (a 5 min drive) and she took us and SAT IN THE CAR FOR 3 HOURS I later found out just so her precious SD7 wouldnt have to wait for even a second. SD7 demanded later at the ice cream shop that Grammy carry her and her ice cream bc she was just too tired. smh. Never again. My fiance and I have settled our differences because I was going to leave him but with this he says she is crazy and he's about to cut her visits off anyways bc he's just disgusted with this womans passive agressive lying bullshit. I'm just sick of the insuination that we're not treating our children well bc we can't lavish gifts on them - and honestly if we could we wouldn't do it to this degree at all.
You DH is the father. Why is
You DH is the father. Why is he allowing his XMIL time with his kid? For damned sure if DH has full custody he should not be serving this kid or any other kids up to be XMILs little victim.
smh
Girl, there are a lot of red
Girl, there are a lot of red flags waving in this relationship. It's like an amusement park w all the red flags, but zero fun.
Pump the brakes on the wedding. If you live in an area that requires transportation via car, start saving and work on your exit plan. You do not need to live like this.
So basically grandma has
So basically grandma has stepped in to overcompensate for mom not being present and your fiance has allowed this relationship to go wild with no boundaries. Fiance is the one who will have to approach gma if changes are to be made. Ice cream 5 days a week is a bit excessive as are all the lavish gifts. Fiance could suggest that gma oper a college savings account for sd and reduce spending on frivilious items. Kids also need to know that time with grandma is different than time at home. Grandma is going to spoil her but at home she'll be treated like everyone else. A schedule can be set up to where sd can call gma at 6 pm after dinner, or whatever time works for your family. Little boundaries will make a big difference in this situation. Bottom line is that SD is a child and is to be treated like a child while she's in your home.