Bullsh*t about "making him feel loved". It's time to go bat sh*t crazy on him for even speaking to your daughter. He's 15 not 5.

Tell him to STFU and DO NOT fall for his little "crying" jags.

DO NOT LET HIM TERRORIZE YOUR DAUGHTER EVER AGAIN. She really is still very much a child. And your duty as a mother is to protect her and keep her safe. Especially from a predatory almost adult boychild.

My suggestion is to move. I don't understand why you're still living with someone who is "terrorizing" your daughter.

Since the group hug, tolerance of crap behavior, and treating him like he is special is not working.... whip his butt and make his life a living hell.

I would. Well maybe not at 15. He just squeeked past the spanking ages I would say.

So ... bring other specific and direct consequences. Put his phone and game systems on the driveway and run them over with the car, put him in an isolated mostly empty room with nothing but a hard chair, small empty desk, writing tablet, and a pen or pencil to write countless sentences about his behavior.

5,000 X "I will not torment younger children. I will act my age and do what I am told when I am told to do it without back talking or whining and crying about it."

10,000 x "I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do. I will tell the truth in all circumstances including disclosing all elements of my actions and behaviors."

All in perfect hand writing at a pace of 120-180 per hour. One missed quota, one misspelling, one punctuation error, or one messy letter and the count zeroes out and he starts over.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Make the sentence pertinate to his unacceptable behavior.

Once his behavior starts to change you can moderate the process. If he backslides..... ramp up the countless thousands of sentences and various other negative consequence focused disciplinary methods.

The reward for positive behaviors is not living in abject hell. He should not be rewarded for doing the things he should be doing to begin with and not doing those things should result in abject misery.

This worked well with my Skid (SS-23) when he was in his preteens to mid teens. The added bonus is that he has amazingly beautiful handwriting. He gets tasked with filling out any manual forms at his USAF office because of his hand writing. He will give me crap about it upon occassion. We often laugh about his time in the "tower" writing "gazillions" of sentences. Our brand new home at that time had 6 bedrooms and there were only three of us in the home. So, one unused bedroom was designated the "tower" and was completely empty except for an antique one armed school writing desk. That is where he perfected his hand writing over the course of several years.

The methodology is that when SS is doing the things he should be doing and behaving as he should he gets to do things that he likes and live normally. When he is behaving inappropriately he gets to work and his life is miserable.

In my kid's case he often blew off homework and would lie about it. Since he was screwing off when he was supposed to be working he could work when he was supposed to be goofing off.

Direct cause and effect for decisions and chosen behaviors.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Past time to leave. Your DD is 9 and living in a hostile home. Why haven't you left yet?

I think you ought to stay until he does something REALLY bad, like break one of her bones or sexually abuse her. Because after all, the most important thing in the world is to have a MAN. Your DD who lost her dad in the womb, certainly shouldn't be as important as clinging on for dear life to your MAN. I, too, would do anything to hang on to my MAN, including having my kids live with other minors I knew were disturbed and dangerous. Because as a woman, what defines me, is whether I have a MAN or not.

You've been a member for less than half a day. I hope you're a troll looking for amusement. If not...

GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR BUTT, TAKE YOUR CHILD AND LEAVE!!!!!!!

OMG, are you serious?? What will it take to get you to protect your daughter? He hits her? He breaks her arm?? He rapes her???

I cannot believe you are actually wasting time on here POSTING when you should be grabbing what you need and getting your child to safety. You can make a plan to get the rest of your things while that MONSTER is not in the house to TERRORIZE your child.

I'm going to go throw up now. God in Heaven.

Agree with Squidlet! If your child is being picked on or being teased and annoyed all the time, that is more like big sibling that needs severe consequences and extremely firm boundaries in place and supervision.

If your child is being terrorized and abused, that falls on you to get her out of there and keep her safe. You will need to move out and put your kid above your boyfriend. If you marry him you are doing harm to your child by showing her a man comes first in life, no care about protecting your own child from harm.

Which is it? Were you overly worked up about a rivalry and said something that is not very accurate out of emotion? Or is she not living in peace and nothing has worked and you need support to move on from this relationship? Please be clear on what is really happening and what you would like to happen next.

I hope you have gotten out of the situation. I didn't notice the signs and my SS molested my daughter. If you haven't, run, run now. It is not worth your daughter's safety!

Hi. I'm sorry this is happening. You sound clear-eyed about this and the church counselor is making sense. I don't think you should "get over it" because you're protecting your children from your step-son. The trouble is, a lot of the solution rests on your husband and he doesn't see the problem.