Step daughters are impossible but I love my husband. HELP!
I have daughters of my own, they are successful kids in education and I have always worked hard to make sure they are respectful and very strong and independent.
I am not having proud or even tolerable experiences with my husband's 2 daughters, ages 11 & 14. It has been tough because my husband's parenting is more coddling & treat them like they are babies forever & I am raising my daughters to be strong responsible adults.
There have been countless issues from one of my step daughters charging up my credit card through my Apple account for $12 THOUSAND to disrespect, bullying, rudeness. It's over the top. They are here this week and with a 50/50 child custody arrangement I have realized that 50% of my life is going to be miserable in order to be with my husband. He's traveling overnight and I'm here with these kids that make messes for me to clean & don't speak to me. I bought a large tray of nuggets for my kids & them and they ate everything, all of it, and saved nothing for anyone else...but they were kind enough to leave the mess and the jug of sunny delight sitting on the table.
I'm going crazy ... I love my husband but I can't deal anymore. I can't work land have a peaceful life like this, but he is so sensitive about anything that I say regarding them I now don't even want to anymore. What on earth can I do?
First off - why are they
First off - why are they there if he isn't? BM can keep them unless he's there to be the parent to them.
And TWELVE THOUSAND?? Was there any police involvement?
Sounds like you have nothing to lose in laying your cards on the table - that you are miserable with his poorly behaved kids and can't deal with it much longer. He either makes changes in his parenting, or he loses you. But start by refusing to be taking care of them when he's not there.
All of this!
All of this!
If he isn't there, skids aren't there!
Also, how was the $12K recovered? Please tell me the thief didn't get to keep her stolen goods!
Stop parenting his kids. It
Stop parenting his kids. It is not your responsibility and you will gain nothing from doing it. I had to learn the hard way. At 11 and 14 you do not need to be there. If he isn't going watch his kids you shouldn't either. I have stepdaughters 12 and 14 and I learned that by doing everything he learned nothing. So if he isn't home, neither am I. If they need dinner, not my problem, I'm busy. If they leave the house a mess, I call him and let him know there is a mess and he can handle it as he sees fit. Meaning he can clean it himself or make them do it. It's great, when they are home alone and fighting his phone gets blown up at work. He comes home tired and the house is a mess he loses it. He takes them to get clothes and they mouth off to him he is upset at how ungrateful they are. The only way the father is going to get it, is by having to live it. Stop making it so easy on him.
yes stop doing anything for
yes stop doing anything for them and when dad isnt there ,, they arent either. I went through the terrible custody arrangement of 50/50 whilst my partner worked 7 days a week. I had all the responsibility with no authority. His 12yr son would steal from me too and have no consequenses,, daddy would just go to work again and brush everythging under the carpet. everytime i would TRY to talk to him , he either didnt want to know or got angry at me and told me i was just picking on his son,WTF! Im sorry your going through this with his daughters and unfortunatly from my experience it doesnt get any better , it just gets worse. I lost my 8 year relatioship becasue of all the shit i was put through with his son and all the hurt my partner caused me by disregarding my feelings , opinions etc and not parenting the demon boy. Still to this day , the brat has never been told why me and his dad ended our engagment , he was never held acountable for anything. I never got back money the kid stole, never had my car fixed that his brat keyed and the list goes on. Even though we arent together anymore , i know his kid has been suspended twice already from his first year of high school for punching kids and been stealing off his dad and even the BM's husband,, but i doubt there is any consequences still. My son is 18 and was raised as a polite respectful young man who earned a great job. im so much happier not to have to cringe every week when i knew the skid was coming over or deal with having my feelings dismissed . goodluck
Exactly
What you are said sounds like echos straight from my head. I find myself feeling physically ill every time they are coming. I really appreciate that someone can understand and make me feel validated. Thank you.
First, separate funds if they
First, separate funds if they are currently co-mingled. No one - not even DH gets access to your credit cards. If they are stolen and used, report it to police and credit card company. Second, if your SD can not show you respect, then DH needs to make arrangements for their care if he has to be out of the home while they are there. Third, if the $12k has not already been paid back, then you need to draw up an agreement with your DH detailing how restitution will be made. Fourth, disengage.
Please tell us there were
Please tell us there were consequences for the $12k.
I couldn't love or live with a man who would stick me with that kind of loss.
Welcome to the site!
What a facepalm situation! Pls tell me you are getting your $12k back! If not I would definitely be making exit plans. Like you I had two much younger SDs when my own 2 daughters were already late teens when I met DH. Even my SDs weren't this bad, though.
I, after 3 weeks and a lot of
I, after 3 weeks and a lot of tension and arguing with my husband got the funds returned. She did al of this on her phone so after it happened, (this was about a month ago), I took her phone and tossed it. They are here this week and guess what, she has a new phone that her mother gave her. I'm feeling very close to the end of my tether. I've never met kids as bad as his before. Thank you all so much for the support & allowing me to vent and making me feel validated for all my frustrations.
If your husband cannot be
If your husband cannot be there to take care of HIS children, 50/50 is not a feasable situation. There is absolutely no way I would be watching his kids, ever.
In fact, I think I would want to live separately until they are fully launched. This man is not worth the health issues that comes with the stress of his brats (that he created).
If he coddles them now, he probably always will, even into their adulthood, so this relationship may not be for you. Adult step kids cause plenty of problems, as well.
Choose a better man as your
Choose a better man as your next DH. Someone who does not cater to ill behaved toxic prior failed family baggage.