I read that article a few days ago. The reason there is a disagree is that she needs to be her own self and not tie her full identity to being a wife or mother.
That is a true. What so many haven't figured out is that your children are your first responsibility but your marriage has to be your first priority. You take care of your responsibility for your kids NEEDS above all else. They are children and need you to provide for them.
Your marriage needs your time and attention too and as a couple you need to prioritize time together, alone, without kids. That can look very different for different people, but as long as they are doing what works for them, great.
As a person, we have to work on ourselves and make ourselves whole. We have to have a sense of self. What do I enjoy? What relaxes ME? What are MY stressors? What help do I need?
These are all pieces of having a healthy balance in your marriage, home and self.
I think there is a big shift in many people being very child centric in how they operate. My OSD will post all these "it's a mom's job to sacrifice for kids".. "take your kids on vacations to disney.. even when they won't remember".. everything Kid.. KID KIDDDD!!!
When I was growing up.. long before there was running water. (well not really.. almost haha). Your family didn't revolve around you. Sure you would get the king treatment on your birthday perhaps.. but otherwise, there is no way one of us kids would have ever thought we could dictate our parents meal planning.. vacations.. etc...
I don't know if it's some backwards guilt that more modern parents have that they are most often working outside the home and guilty for shuttling their kids off for other people to raise for great spans of time.. so they want to make their brief time together after work peaceful and easy.. they are tired.. the kids are tired.. they capitulate to the kids because it's easy.
My parents took vacations to cool places without my brother and I. I remember them going off for 2 weeks to go to Hong Kong as a child. I remember being mildly upset I wasn't going.. but that was just what it was. My parents had social lives and hosted parties where we were only allowed for brief periods of time to "pass out hors deurves" and smile nicely at the guest.. then go to our room with a plate. Sure, our parents had us signed up for activities.. but it was non-competitive type one or two practices a week.. one game.. maybe not even every week... Then when old enough it was encouraged that we did school sports and that didn't involve them doing much of anything.. except going to watch.. if they wanted. and I don't recall my parents going to much of my HS stuff.. and that really didn't bother me. They had their own stuff to deal with.. job etc..
I get sad hearing about these kids that are overscheduled.. because there is zero way all these kids are actually athletically talented enough to warrant all that extra cost.. sorry.. they aren't making it in college.. much less professional sports.. and while I get that participation is enriching.. too much participation can actually distract from other important things.
My mom's identity wasn't just a MOTHER... she was well educated.. volunteered in the community.. worked at the library of congress.. my father was also similarly educated and had his own interests and career.. they were our parents.. but that is not ALL they were.
Mom has it right IMHO.
Dads, not so much.
I read that article a few
I read that article a few days ago. The reason there is a disagree is that she needs to be her own self and not tie her full identity to being a wife or mother.
That is a true. What so many haven't figured out is that your children are your first responsibility but your marriage has to be your first priority. You take care of your responsibility for your kids NEEDS above all else. They are children and need you to provide for them.
Your marriage needs your time and attention too and as a couple you need to prioritize time together, alone, without kids. That can look very different for different people, but as long as they are doing what works for them, great.
As a person, we have to work on ourselves and make ourselves whole. We have to have a sense of self. What do I enjoy? What relaxes ME? What are MY stressors? What help do I need?
These are all pieces of having a healthy balance in your marriage, home and self.
I think there is a big shift
I think there is a big shift in many people being very child centric in how they operate. My OSD will post all these "it's a mom's job to sacrifice for kids".. "take your kids on vacations to disney.. even when they won't remember".. everything Kid.. KID KIDDDD!!!
When I was growing up.. long before there was running water. (well not really.. almost haha). Your family didn't revolve around you. Sure you would get the king treatment on your birthday perhaps.. but otherwise, there is no way one of us kids would have ever thought we could dictate our parents meal planning.. vacations.. etc...
I don't know if it's some backwards guilt that more modern parents have that they are most often working outside the home and guilty for shuttling their kids off for other people to raise for great spans of time.. so they want to make their brief time together after work peaceful and easy.. they are tired.. the kids are tired.. they capitulate to the kids because it's easy.
My parents took vacations to cool places without my brother and I. I remember them going off for 2 weeks to go to Hong Kong as a child. I remember being mildly upset I wasn't going.. but that was just what it was. My parents had social lives and hosted parties where we were only allowed for brief periods of time to "pass out hors deurves" and smile nicely at the guest.. then go to our room with a plate. Sure, our parents had us signed up for activities.. but it was non-competitive type one or two practices a week.. one game.. maybe not even every week... Then when old enough it was encouraged that we did school sports and that didn't involve them doing much of anything.. except going to watch.. if they wanted. and I don't recall my parents going to much of my HS stuff.. and that really didn't bother me. They had their own stuff to deal with.. job etc..
I get sad hearing about these kids that are overscheduled.. because there is zero way all these kids are actually athletically talented enough to warrant all that extra cost.. sorry.. they aren't making it in college.. much less professional sports.. and while I get that participation is enriching.. too much participation can actually distract from other important things.
My mom's identity wasn't just a MOTHER... she was well educated.. volunteered in the community.. worked at the library of congress.. my father was also similarly educated and had his own interests and career.. they were our parents.. but that is not ALL they were.
Absolutely this.I have been banging this drum for my Stalk years