Venting...

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Just venting... don't really have anyone to turn to talk about this stuff with. It’s really a mix of relationship and stepkid issues.

I've been with my bf for about 1.5 years now. Imm 33 and don’t have any kids and have never been married so maybe I’m not a stepmom really.. He has 2 kids with 2 different BMs and has been married to one of the BM. And since day one, the BMs have had issues with me, it's gotten to the point where they gang up and talk shit about me. The children are both boys and are 4 and 8.

My bf currently isn’t working and I’m working remotely. So he gets up and gets the 8 y/o started on his schoolwork. But he eventually gets frustrated because his son shuts down when he has to do any work, just lazy. So I always have to stop my work and step in to help while he goes back to sleep. Then my Bf gets upset at me when I try to push the kid to read more because his grades are terrible.

The 8 year old gives me the most issues because he's older and has discovered the art of lying. He's a pretty big kid. I live on a 3 floor walk up and by the time he gets up there, he's already wheezing. He's a big kid. So I try my best when I cook to include vegetables just to have some healthy options. At one point, he went back to the BM and said that I told him I’d hit him if he didn’t eat the veggies. I’ve never laid a hand on that child and never will. The BM called my bf saying “tell that whore to stop making my son eat vegetables.” And this past week I made baked chicken with roasted veggies, and same issue, he ate everything EXCEPT that. His excuse is always that he’s full so I just took it and threw it away because my Bf got upset that I even asked about the veggies.

The BMs always tell my bf “oh go be with your gf who has 0 kids.” I don’t see what not having kids has to do with anything. I had a miscarriage about 6 years ago and it sucked so for them to think having kids is something everyone should already have is idiotic. One BM has 3 kids total with 3 baby dads. The other BM has 5 kids total with 2 baby dads... yet I’m the whore right?

I told my bf later how I felt about everything. His son told me “you aren’t my mom” and I’ve never tried to replace his mom. Then my bf told me while we were talking “you aren’t a mom so you don’t get it.” And yeah, maybe I’m not a mom but everything I do for those kids is in their best interest. I told my bf that it’s not fair for him to think I’m good enough to help his son do homework while he sleeps but I’m not good enough to ask his son to eat vegetables?

I put my heart into this relationship. Helped my bf go to court to gain 50% custody for the younger boy when his ex would never let him see the kid. Granted money isn’t everything but I’ve spent tons of money on making sure we’re all happy and comfortable. And at the end of the day... I get scolded and reminded I’m not a mom.

And now I sit back and think about the relationship, I’ll never be my Bf’s first of anything... he already has had a marriage and kids. I’ll never be his first wife or give him his first child.. and yeah maybe being the first isn’t as important as being his last but now... I started to feel like my bf has been distant. He barely tries to do anything sexually with me, when normally we do it daily. I confronted him and he said he’s been having anxiety because he’s not working so he can’t contribute much financially. I reassured him that it was all okay. I understand his view on the man being the breadwinner but COVID19 is playing a big part in not allowing him to work so it is what it is... I checked his phone records and saw he’s been texting this girl, saying he’s been single for 2 years etc. She’s sending him pics and all this bullshit.

I’m honestly broken and hurt.. I’ve given you and your kids everything and this is how I’m repaid.. I’ve never asked him for anything, only honesty and loyalty. This really sucks... I feel like I’ll never be good enough. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has always cheated on me. I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong... it’s like I’ve fucked up in a past life so badly that I’ll never just find someone who can love me without infidelity. I rather just be alone if this is going to always be the case..

There is no reason to continue this relationship

There is no reason to continue this relationship. You should have led with this, "I checked his phone records and saw he’s been texting this girl, saying he’s been single for 2 years etc. She’s sending him pics and all this bullshit." That right there is reason enough to end it.

And if that is not enough, this certainly is, "But he eventually gets frustrated because his son shuts down when he has to do any work, just lazy. So I always have to stop my work and step in to help while he goes back to sleep. Then my Bf gets upset at me when I try to push the kid to read more because his grades are terrible."

Seriously, this is not the man for you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but honestly, you should probably get checked for STD's. The guy is not wanting to have sex with you and is texting at least one other woman. Odds are good he has not been faithful.

Agree.

I am so sorry about your miscarriage. That is a loss like no other.

Also, OP, the only thing that is "wrong" with you is your "picker" is broken.

I get it, mine is too. I grew up with a narcissist for a mother. I grew up watching her treat my father (and me) like crap while he tried and tried to make her happy. Because of this I allowed people I was in romantic (and platonic) relatipnships with to treat me like crap. I didn't actually realize this until about a year ago - I am in my early 40s.

Dump this user asshole and his crappy kid. Get some therapy and figure out why you keep settling for crap relationships and fix your picker! You are worthy of so much more than you have recieved!

Lol! My picker IS broken. You

Lol! My picker IS broken. You couldn't have said it better.

I couldn't agree more.

I couldn't agree more. Writing all of that out last night really put a lot in perspective for me. Him and his kids are getting out.

Wow...so much going on here.

Wow...so much going on here. I will start from the top. You have not been together very long at all.

Stop getting involved in the skids school work.

Stop caring what SS eats or how much he weights.

And I just got to the bottom of the your blog... hun...you don't have step kid issues. You have a giant BF problem. You are not married and have not been together very long. Get away from this mess. He is going to want you to raise his kids while he screws everything walking. Sorry girl. Hope you get out of this mess.

Thank you.. I am certainly

Thank you.. I am certainly getting out of this. Maybe his new girl who also has a child can take care of the horrendous tribe.

OP, you fell in the trap that

OP, you fell in the trap that many do on here, of taking over parenting your BF's kids for him because he's too lazy/doesn't really care. Then you are undermined when you try to make positive changes for the kids. AND the BMs target you but your BF does nothing.

You are way too good for this guy - get out now. Find a man with no kids, or one who can parent the ones he has and doesn't expect his GF to help his child with school while he goes back to bed.

I promise better men are out there.

I couldn't agree more with

I couldn't agree more with this! I'm done being unappreciated.

I checked his phone records

I checked his phone records and saw he’s been texting this girl, saying he’s been single for 2 years etc.

Make him single and move on.

Is it your apartment? Is he on the lease? If not, give him the boot. Maybe the girl he's texting will take him in.

It's mine and he's packing up

It's mine and he's packing up everything this week and leaving.

Woooooo!!!!!!

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

Too many people aren't strong enough or are scared to end it and completely waste their lives in unhappiness.

You were strong and brave!

Definitely not easy! But oh

Definitely not easy! But oh well

Sadly, this is what many a

Sadly, this is what many a society expects of SMs: “I put my heart into this relationship. Helped my bf go to court to gain 50% custody for the younger boy when his ex would never let him see the kid. Granted money isn’t everything but I’ve spent tons of money on making sure we’re all happy and comfortable. And at the end of the day... I get scolded and reminded I’m not a mom.”

And, Yes, you are correct. You are better off by yourself (not alone, but by yourself) than you are in such a relationship as this. Regarding feeling like you are being taken advantage of in relationships: First of all, have some criteria. Just because a guy wants to date you it doesn’t mean you have to date him. Next, make sure the guy is child-free just as you are. This way, you can have those firsts. And it seems like it is in your nature to be a “fixer,” so you are drawn to men who need fixing.

I know, I used to be a fixer too. You think you’re going to help them and they are going to appreciate all you’ve done for them. But, I’ve come to find that fixers are too often drawn to just plain losers, who are in that position due to their own actions, such as being narcissistic, and many losers are more than happy to advance themselves on the backs of someone else’s goodness, and then shoot them away and it is on to the next person that they can use.

You don't need baby-mamma drama. Find yourself a bioless man and one who has his crap together already. If not, you ARE better off by yourself. Furbabies, a small home, privacy, peace, a small garden—these are all better than a man that sucks the life out of you. And, it is certainly better than a man with two baby-mammas and feral children that all suck the life out of you. Remember for next time, have criteria.

I AM a fixer and that's a big

I AM a fixer and that's a big problem for me. I certainly don't think I can change anyone but I've definitely tried to fix every problem that arises. Except that cheaters can't be fixed. Such a shame, these kids will have multiple women in and out of their lives.

I agree... he'll be gone this

I agree... he'll be gone this week. I'm done!

Good for you. He needs to go.

Once he's gone take time to

Once he's gone take time to grief the lost of the relationship. When you're done, dust yourself off, focus on you and take time to heal.

Once you are in a better place, you will begin to be more selective about the men you allowing in.

I wish you the best.

I absolutely will. Thank you!

I truly appreciate your words

I truly appreciate your words here. It's a tough time and I'm someone who is constantly hard on themselves. Everything you say here is 100% correct and it's clear he never appreciated me if he could so easily hurt me and still play victim. It's something I'll work through over time.

Before he goes, don't forget

Before he goes, don't forget to text that chick he's been talking to: " Hi, I'm the woman he's been dating for the last 1.5 years. I've given a lot of myself mentally and monetarily to him and his children. I'm kicking him out of my apartment now so by all means, feel free. But I'd highly advise against it. Good luck."

Also. You ARE good enough. You sound like a kind, honest person. Don't let the shitty things others do to you define what you think of yourself. Their actions are theirs alone. It's a problem with them, not you. Good people don't do things like this.

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