Hi guys. I'll try to keep this short and sweet as possible. I'm happy this site exists because I didn't know this resource was available and I'm so happy I'm not alone.

Some Background: FDH and I are getting married in a few months. FSD is 7. BM is in prison and will be for a few years. She had an extensive drug problem and had partial custody of FSD who had seen her using at a young age before going to prison last year. She expressed how "terrible" her mother was, although she tries to keep an image in her head that her mom isn't a bad person. It's like she doesn't want to forget her. Understandable. 

I believe FSD has an eating problem; from the very beginning I noticed she would consume double the amount of food I would eat. She eats so many sweets and junk food. FDH as a single father would eat out constantly and I know for a fact that when she goes to her moms side, they spoil her and eat out a lot as well. I told FDH this has not stop and he agreed. I believe she is very over weight for her age and is a bottomless pit as far as eating is concerned. She will complain she is STARVING after just eating a meal maybe an hours ago. She is constantly talking about food. In the beginning when I cooked, she refused to eat it. Told FDH we need to be on the same page with meals and she can either cook what I make or have a PPJ and that's it. Dinner time has somewhat gotten better but she will barely eat and then he allows her to have dessert. She just eats non stop all the time. It's a concern to me. I believe this is her way of coping with stress.

I do not feel like she respects me nor does she have boundaries. She is constantly leaning over my shoulder asking me what I'm doing on my phone, who I'm talking to, what website am I on, for what reason. If I get up off the couch to do anything, she needs a play by play as to what I'm doing, where am I going, etc. it's driving me crazy. If I ask her to do something, most of the time she doesn't do it. FDH intervenes and tells her she needs to listen. I know she's a child trying to push my buttons and see what she can get away with. She is also constantly going through my things and gets angry if she finds hidden chocolate, candy, gum, etc. 

She is VERY possessive of her father. She does not let me sit next to him at restaurants, will not let me walk next to him if we go anywhere, pushes me to the side/squeezes in the middle of us. She has proclaimed on nurmerous occasions to me "He's MINE, not YOURS." She recently started making rules that I cannot call him "babe, honey, sweetie, etc." 

 I'm at my wits end. I feel like my situation is different because her mom isn't in the picture, she has seen a lot of stuff in her short life, he is all she has. She says she loves me but it's VERY much on her terms. Some days she's sweet as pie to me and other days she is very aggressive verbally and rude. He doesn't allow her to treat me like garbage and has grounded her over her behavior. I don't want her to feel like she's being replaced. I do love her and I care about her but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. We haven't gotten married yet and I've already resorted to shutting down and retreating to the bedroom for alone time because I can't handle it some times. I try to see from her side of view that she doesn't want to lose her dad and I'm a threat to her but at the same time I can't have a 7 year old running the show.

I don't have any children of my own (I'm 27). FDH is a year older. We are so in love and everything is perfect. We don't hardly fight and have very good communication skills regrading most life problems. I do try to talk to him about it but last weekend when I had a emotional breakdown I told him he doesn't understand just how hard this is for me sometimes and he told me I was right. He doesn't know. I've suggested counseling and he isn't against it. Hard with quarantine right now. 
 

any and all advice is welcome and appreciated.