Tales of my Just No FMIL and her enabling FSD
I don't really want to go into a huge amount of detail, mainly because I am just exhausted of this whole situation. Like completely wore out. FDH and I are on the same page and I'm just reminding myself that is what matters. That is my mantra.
I used to think FMIL was a decent human, but she suddenly took a turn for JUST NO. JUST NO AT ALL NO. She will be put on an information diet and slowly but politley excluded for the main portion of my life. I have made the terrible mistake of treating her like I treat my own mom and I regret it completely. My parents would never treat FDH the way FMIL has recently decided its okay to treat me. So now to the guts of the story.
FMIL was at a mutual friends house, drinking her wine, and suddenly brought up FSD. I'm not sure why she did this because said mutual friend cannot STAND FSD. Never has from the beginning of time. FSD and mutual friend just don't mix, never have and never will. FMIL knows how mutual friend feels about her beloved princess so usually the topic never arises. Well FMIL decided to bring it up and said, "FSD hates dads_wife, dads_wife hates FSD and I just want everyone to get along," to which mutual friend said, "No FMIL, Dads_wife doesn't hate FSD, if anything dads_wife has gone above and beyond with this situation. FSD has tried to wreck every relationship your son has been in and you know it," to which FMIL agreed to the fact FSD has thrown a fit every relationship FDH has attempted to have. When mutual friend called me with this story (there were SOO many other pieces but too tiring to explain but all of which makes FMIL very much just no) my feelings were hurt that FMIL would say that I hate FSD. Do I get annoyed by these circumstances? Yes. Do I hate FSD? No not at all and I feel I have made many efforts throughout this story to prove that. Mutual friend thinks FMIL is trying to make her granddaughters hatefulness make sense. And it turns out, FSD was invited to the baby shower I will be attending and was going to go until she found out that I am going and is now refusing to go if I am present. The one halfway decent thing FMIL did is say, well if you don't want to go then that is your decision, and left it alone. Its like FSD is trying to ostrichsize me from the family by refusing to go to events and is hoping FMIL will ask me not to. As a side note: FDH will never allow this. He already had many conversations with FMIL about how Thanksgiving and Christmas will go and if FSD doesn't want to come because Dads_wife is there, then she won't come and that is on her.
Ya'll, I'm just so tired of all of this. And when FMIL says things like, I just wish everyone would get along, I just want someone to say, the only person not getting along is FSD. I will literally do anything FDH asks to help him (he would never ask me to suck up to FSD because I did that in the beginning and it clearly didn't work). I've decided to start going to therapy for all of this. I don't really have a thick skin and I do take things like that to heart, even if I know FMIL is delusional. I don't hate FSD. But its pretty clear, even after a year, FSD hates me.
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Comments
I can sense how drained you
I can sense how drained you are from all this. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what FMIL says or thinks. If she continues to comment "how she wants everyone to get along", tell her to stop bringing it up because her "saying" it is not going to change anything. You have accepted things for how they are....SD disliking you and that's it. There's no need to keep dwelling on it. At the end of the day whatever SD decides to do is on her.
Take care of you! Your health and well being is priority!
OK, so one of the things you
OK, so one of the things you wrote on a previous post really stuck in my head. You said something about FMIL pocketing a commission she had agreed to forego? What parent does that to her kid? I mean maybe there's something about keeping some of the commission because she should necessarily go unpaid...but basically, what kind of parent profits off their kid with false promises?
Well, in my case, it's a narcissistic one. She's not so bad now, because I don't give her the chance to medel in my money (I learned the hard way - she has stolen thousands from my brother and me). But my mom is like that.
What kind of person would go around telling stories about FDIL that aren't that flattering. Well... the same kind of woman. I hate to tell you this, but this isn't even about you. This is about you being a prop in the carefully crafted story of 'grandma who just wants everyone to be happy...'. This exact thing hasn't happened to me, but similar things. They will throw you under the bus if there's a chance to tell a story that makes THEM look good.
What kind of woman would offer to take FSD to a concert and then rob the account which was set aside as an emergency fund FOR FSD without asking the child's parent? Well....
I don't know the woman and I'm only hearing one side of this - but from what you've said - you are absolutely right to put her at arm's length. And get her off any accounts, too. (Be prepared for hysterics...and make sure you phrase it as - so you don't have to deal with the hassle.)
On the upside it really isn't personal to you - she would do that to anyone in this position. Heck, she'll swindle her own son and grandchild. You've got off lightly (so far).
I needed to hear/read this.
I needed to hear/read this. Its been tiring and it really has affected my life as a whole. And, to be honest, I don't have much free brain space with working full time and going to grad school part time. I can't really afford to sacrifice any more energy on either of them and their drama. I'm hoping next weekend when we go down there its relatively uneventful but I'm sure something will pop up. Thank God for lorezapam....
Why are you spending your
Why are you spending your precious, precious time with this woman??? She is toxic. Yes, you will have to spend some time in her company. But you need to limit it. I had a toxic MIL... and I really tried my best to get my ex to deal with it all. He did not do a good job. I mean to be fair he also had a toxic MIL. I am so, so grateful that my SO immediately got what my mother is - partly because his ex-MIL is a lot like mine (even my SSs say my mother is like their grandmother).
STEP away from that BS
Yes, that woman is s SD (sh!t disturber).
Munchkin SD, used to say the same things. Im like "well, if people would stop calling me names and yelling at your father, maybe that would happen..." She didnt say that again.
I agree with elkclan - don't
I agree with elkclan - don't take this personally. FMIL is playing the martyr - poor me, I just want everyone to get along, when she is no doubt stirring the pot with FSD.
If you are going to make it with stepkids, BMs and crazy in-laws, you have to get a thick skin. And your FDH has to stand up to his mother, too.
“I just wish everyone would
“I just wish everyone would get along. “
Response: “ Wish you weren’t an effing idiot. “
I also want to say, FMIL you
I also want to say, FMIL you and FSD are the only ones not getting along.
FMIL likes making drama
She must live for it, Some people enjoy living in drama. You can not let yourself get court up in this. You have to disengage from FMIL and SD. When SD becomes a person, then and only then you will ingage a little with SD. Fact the fact that SD will never like or respect you.
I get infuriated when people
I get infuriated when people tell me or DH tells me that he wishes me and SD could just get along! As if I was a little kid again and not getting along with someone in grade school for no real reason. Get along? I've been getting along with people all around me for the last 30+ years. I like to think I've matured beyond having the mentality of a child and above being petty to others. I feel like when people say this to me that they are not giving me the respect I deserve as a mature adult in a position of authority. Instead they want to set me down and ask me what my side of the story is. It gives the one who is causing all the problems too much power and taking away mine.
THISSSS - I feel this same
THISSSS - I feel this same way and I couldn't figure out how to put it into words. I'm going to take a picture of this and leave it in my phone for safe keeping. When they say 'get along' they are suggesting I just suck up and be a whipping child for SD and its ridiculous. I suck up to people 50 hours a week at work and 8 hours a week at grad school, I'm not going to suck up to anyone else.